random happenstances
by tombombadillo
Summary: Six and a half years ago, Kate Beckett had a one night stand. Nine months later, she gave birth to a daughter. Five and three quarter years after that, Harriet Johanna Beckett be-friends Alexis Castle.
1. Chapter 1

**A/U: BECAUSE EVERYONE NEEDS CLICHÉ BABY FIC. Honestly, just setting the scene. MAJOR STUFF HAPPENS AFTER. It's taken me about, idk, three weeks to write this, so the writing kind of changes at parts. But ho hum. Not overly happy with it, but it will do. KATIE STOP WRITING NEW STUFF WHEN YOU HAVE OLD STUFF THAT NEEDS TO BE WRITTEN SIGH. this is why you can't have nice things.**

**Disclaimer: if I worked with the cast of Castle and got to stare at Seamus Dever's face all day, I genuinely don't think I'd be alive to write this.**

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><p>She hates herself for using alcohol. Hates herself for resorting to the same thing that made her lose faith in her own father. Her own father, who on her mother's birthday is spending the night unconscious on his sofa with an empty bottle of scotch. So she's spending her mother's birthday sat at a bar nursing a few too many rum and vodka's. Her hair feels heavy against her bare shoulders and it irritates her and she wants to get it cut, the blue dress she foolishly decided to wear feeling tight around her chest. She doesn't know why she wore it. Doesn't know why she felt like she was in the mood for having men come on to her every five minutes. She's left her gun at home and she wishes she hadn't . Wishes she hadn't even come out for a stupid drink.<p>

"Why the long face?"

She turns sharply, finds blue eyes and brown hair looking back at her. He's vaguely familiar, but she's met so many people in her line of work that she can't put a face to a name. He's good looking, but in the more ruggedly handsome way. And it's annoying because he knows it. And knows how to use it.

"Long day." She replies, turning herself away from him ever so slightly.

"Buy you a drink?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because I am a gentleman and if a woman as beautiful as you looks like they've just watched a puppy get kicked in the face then I am automatically obligated to buy them a drink."

She lets a small smile show, looking down at the bar carefully. "Well, that's nice of you, but I'm really okay."

He chuckled. "Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England. I'm a good listener."

"I'm not a good talker."

"Even over coffee in the morning?"

"Especially over coffee in the morning."

"Sure I can't change your mind?"

She laughs. "Well, I have to say, out of all the guys you have tried to get into my pants tonight, you are definitely the nicest. But I'm afraid I will have to decline your offer."

"The drink or the morning coffee?"

"I suppose I'll let you buy me a drink."

"Is this going to be an anonymous drink, or do I get to know your name?"

She can't help but smile. "I'm Kate. Kate Beckett."

"Nice to meet you, Kate. I'm Rick."

"So, you're a writer?" she asks, running a finger around the rim of her (third) drink.

"Well, I like to think so. My mother, on the other hand, is sceptical. What do you do?"

"I, erm, I'm a detective. Homicide."

"Sweeeeet. You carry a gun?"

She can't decide if she's more deterred or amused at his enthusiasm, can't work out why she's leading him on when she's not going to be going home with him. Not going anywhere with him. Not going anywhere with anyone. But he's nice, and he's helping her forget. Forget what, she's not sure, because she can't get the image of her drunken father out of her head. But with him, with Rick, it doesn't seem quite as important. She laughs quietly, shaking her head. Her feels somewhat lighter, somewhat softer against her skin.

"No, not right now. I'm off duty." Truth be told, she carries her gun with her whether she's on duty or off. But today of all days, she doesn't want the heavy weight of it in her purse. Doesn't want the reminder that she has to kill people for a living.

"That's a shame. " Rick replied, a corner of his mouth twisted up into a smirk.

"Really? You like the idea of women and guns?"

"Hey, I'm a crime novelist. Guns are necessary in my line of work. Nothing sexier than a woman in uniform. Especially with a gun."

"Yeah, well I don't wear a uniform unless it's a formal occasion."

"Like what?"

"In our line of work?" she sighed, "Usually a funeral."

"Is that why today sucks?"

"I… no. No, it's… something else." She sat back, tipped her head against the back of the booth they'd moved to and stared at the ceiling. "Not that you're going to wheedle it out of me with alcohol."

"I'm not trying to wheedle anything out of you."

"Not even trying to wheedle me out of my dress?" Kate asked, one eyebrow raised. "That's all men seem to be interested in at the minute."

"Can you blame them? You're there all dark, curly hair, smoky eyes and really, really long legs in killer heels and a dress that barely covers anything. Can't expect men to let the evening go without even trying to buy you a drink."

"Hm, the dress wasn't a good idea, I realise that now. But I think it's home time soon anyway."

"It's only half ten!"

"I'm working tomorrow. Knowing my luck I'll have a body drop at six in the morning and I don't want to be running on too little sleep." She moved, pushed her glass away, reached for her jacket and her purse. "Thanks for the drinks. It was… nice talking."

"I'll walk you out. And call you a cab?"

She shook her head. "It's fine. I don't live that far away. And I can look after myself." She added, after she saw him opening his mouth to say something about women and dark streets and murderers.

"I'll just follow you and make sure you're safe then."

"I am a detective. I can arrest you for stalking."

"Not stalking. Simply walking in the same direction." She shook her head, but she was still smiling even as he stood up. "Just a friendly neighbourhood gentleman doing his good deed for the day. My intentions are pure, I promise."

"I'm not going to have to break your nose for getting too physical, am I?"

He placed his palm against his chest. "Cross my heart."

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><p>She can't quite pin point the moment she let him get close to her. It might have been at her front door. Or maybe it was the lift. Could have been the door to her building. She tells herself she shouldn't. Tells herself numerous times to get him to stop with his mouth on hers and one hand in her hair, the other running across the small of her back. He's somehow managed to find all of her erogenous zones within a matter of minutes and it's not fair when he runs his fingers across the back of her neck because he's barely touched her and she already wants to drag him down the hall and into her bedroom. And isn't this what she wanted? A chance to forget everything? It's not the first time she's done one night stands, and she doesn't really regret them. But she'd said, both to herself and to him that nothing was going to happen tonight. She couldn't afford for it to happen. And yet here she was, her back against a wall and his hands trying to find every inch of bare skin they can. And it's not like he's doing all the work. She's somehow managed to tug his jacket off his shoulders and has undone the top three buttons on his shirt. She's not complaining. Definitely not complaining when he finds the zipper on her dress and pulls it down ever so slowly until it lands in a pool at her feet. Some miniscule part of her tuts at the fact she wasn't wearing a bra, the majority of her brain is very much agreeing with the lack of said underwear, especially when his mouth and his hands do that thing and ohh, why was this a bad idea again?<p>

It's not half six when her phone rings. Thankfully it's closer to eight, and even though Kate still feels like she could sleep for another five hours she drags herself out of bed and into the shower. She debates waking the snoring (and drooling) man in her bed, though whether it's so he can join her in the shower or so she can kick him out before she has to leave, she's not quite sure. But she's not got time to have company in the shower, so she jostles the bed as she walks past. He sits up in a state of panic, arms flailing, hair mussed and in need of a wash and eyes blurry. "Wass'goinon?"

"I need to go to work. You need to leave."

"Urgh." He replies, flopping backwards onto the bed. "Five more minutes."

"You have until I get out of the shower." She answers, but she's pretty sure he's already asleep again.

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><p>"Girl, you are distracted." Lanie Parish insists for what must be the fourth time that day. "What has gotten into you?"<p>

"Nothing's gotten into me." Beckett replies, pushing a lock of flyaway hair behind her ear. "Just, yesterday was tough. I'm fine."

"Uh-uh." The M.E. retorted. "And I'm the back end of a donkey. And if I am not mistaken, and I rarely am, you have a hickey. You're not doing covering up very well. So, spill. Who was it?"

Beckett pulled the collar of her jacket further up her neck, ignoring the raised eyebrows of Lanie. "Just a guy I met in a bar. Nothing special."

"Because heaven forbid Kate Beckett actually goes out on a date."

"I don't have time for dates, Lanie. I'm a homicide detective. It just… doesn't work. I'd have to cancel every other date and cut some short because somebody has shot somebody else. I'll go on dates when I've retired. Happy?"

"Not in the slightest, but that is the most I've got out of you concerning your so called love life since I first met you, so I guess it'll have to do."

"Right. Can we get back to the cause of death now?"

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><p>She doesn't panic when she skips a period. It's not the first time. The stress of the job, and not really eating at all well, it's a common occurrence. And it's not like she misses it. She only gets a little niggle of doubt when the sight of a crime scene sends her stomach rolling. She swallows the nausea down until she's back at the precinct where she proceeds to empty what little is in her stomach into the toilet. Montgomery soon sends her home.<p>

She loses count of the times she makes a desperate run for the toilet before climbing into bed and pulling the covers above her head in a futile attempt at blocking out the world. She should phone somebody. And the only person she can phone would be Lanie. Lanie, who may tut at her for being stupid, but she'd be there.

"Kate? You okay?"

"I-Lanie, I think I'm pregnant."

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><p>"Are you not going to tell him?"<p>

Kate shrugged, digging her spoon into the tub of ice cream that is currently resting on her swollen belly. "Don't see why I should. We don't need him."

"Kate, he's a father. Or going to be. If I was him…"

"But you're not. And how the hell do you expect I go about finding him, exactly? It's not like New York's small."

Lanie turned over on her side of the bed, one eyebrow raised. "_You_ are a detective. Forget your stupid rule about only using police resources for work, and look his name up. It's not hard."

Kate sighed. "I'm on maternity leave, Lanie. I'm not allowed back. Montgomery's banned me for six months. And there's not a chance in hell I am letting Ryan and Esposito look it up for me."

"Well, wait until afterwards! You can't not tell him. Imagine if it was you in his shoes… how would you were in his shoes and someone came up and told you that they were your son or daughter? For eighteen or something years someone hid the fact that you were a parent?"

"Lanie, you're not changing my mind on this. It's my choice."

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><p>"She looks like you." Jim Beckett whispered, bending over the cot. "Spitting image of you as a baby."<p>

Kate hummed, feeling far too tired to respond. Jim chuckled. "Twenty seven hours. She's just as stubborn as you too. Though you came along fairly quickly. You never have liked wasting time. You decided on a name yet?"

"Harriet Johanna Beckett, I think."

"And the father?"

"_Not_ in the picture. And I don't want him in it. You know that Dad."

"You're going to raise _your_ daughter on your own? It's hard enough raising any kid, but she's going to give you hell, Katie."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad. And anyway, I've got you, Lanie. I'm pretty sure Ryan and Esposito have already taken the roles of Uncles. I don't think I'll be on my own."

He chuckled. "No, I don't think you will be. You'll be a good mother, Katie. Johanna would be proud."

Kate smiled, already feeling her eyelids closing. "Thanks, Dad."

"I'll be here when you wake up. Go to sleep."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: okay, so timeline wise, this is March/April 2010. Kate first met Castle in January '04; Harriet was born in September of '04. Alexis was born in March '07, Castle and Meredith divorced early '08 and Gina hasn't made an appearance. And I don't know when it was that Kate actually made Detective, but for the sake of this story, let's pretend it was '03 and her mum was murdered in '97. This is only vague estimates as I don't know how long it takes for you to go through the academy and then get to cop, but again PRETEND THAT I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. Not entirely sure about this chapter. BUT HO HUM what ya gonna do about it.**

**Also, I apologise if I slip into Britishness and call Kate Mum/Mummy or call a cell phone a mobile. It's not on purpose.**

**Disclaimer: my boyfriend's birthday is the 16th of April. Am I more excited for his birthday... or Headhunters? HMM.**

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><p>Her hairs getting long again. She says long, it's only just started to brush her shoulders. Everyone's been getting at her to grow it out, especially Harry (We really could be twins! Only you're just bigger), but short hair is just easier to look after. Doesn't necessarily need a style, just a brush. Maybe she'll grow it a bit longer. She'll see.<p>

Kate Beckett pushed a lock of stubborn hair behind her ear, glancing up from her dog-eared copy of In a Hail of Bullets to find her daughter. On the slide. Perfectly happy. Perfectly safe. That was the worst thing about being a cop. You expect murderers and kidnappers and thieves to be lurking around every tree. Sure, she has her gun but she'd rather not have to use it in front of all these kids and parents. Though how many of these kids would find it cool rather than traumatising she has no idea. She's lost count of how many times she's seen seven year olds with war games now. Ridiculous. She glances back down to her book, runs a hand through her hair and sighs. She doesn't know why she's feeling so melancholy today. It's not that she misses her mom badly today, she's had the past three days off, and normally she loves coming to the park. In a job filled with death and shootings, it's nice to surround yourself with screaming and laughing children. Remind yourself there's still some good left in the world, even if you have trouble seeing it sometimes.

"Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mom!" if there's one thing Harry Beckett is good at, it's making herself heard.

Her daughter crashes into her knees with an oof, eyes shining with excitement, her hair resembling something that was dragged through a bush. "Careful, Harry. Less speed, remember?"

"Sorry!" the five and a half year old grins. "But Mom you have to come and see this!"

"See what?"

"What me and Alexis found!" she's practically dragging her off the bench, and Kate stands up, reaching for her bag and tucking her book under her arm. "Who's Alexis?"

Harry pointed across the playground to where a girl, maybe a year and a half younger than Harry was stood watching them her hands clutched around something. "She's my new friend. We found something."

"What did you find?"

"That's a surprise!" Harry shook her head. "Mommy, you're useless with surprises. You don't like them."

"Perk of the job, Harry. But come on; show me what you've found."

It was a dormouse. An actual dormouse. They'd managed to find a dormouse. Which was ridiculous and all kinds of... amazing? Alexis was looking at it with the kind of reverence that a three year old has when they find something completely new and wonderful and exciting. Harry was bouncing next to her, eagerly recalling the story of how they'd found it while playing Pirate Ninja Space Cowboys. "Can we keep it, Mom? Please, please, please? I'll look after it, I promise!"

"Harry, this is wild animal. It already has a home. You can't take it. Imagine if someone found you and thought you were cute and decided to take you home with them. How would you feel then?"

Harry shrugged. "They might let me have ice cream before bed." Kate reached over, running her hands up Harry's sides utility the girl was shrieking with laughter. "You'd come and get me back."

"Maybe. The apartment would be a lot tidied without you around." she pulled Harry closer in a one armed hug. "I'd come and get you back. But let's go put this guy back where you found him. Let him go home too."

"Are we going home?"

"Soon. It's almost dinnertime."

"But we have to go and show Alexis's dad first!" Harry grinned at the younger girl who nodded. "Where's your Daddy Alexis?"

The girl tuned and pointed at a bench where a broad shouldered man was hunched over a large notepad, scribbling furiously, only looking up when Alexis appeared in his field of vision. There's something about the man that feels familiar, but she can't quite put a name to a face. "Hey, Pumpkin. You okay?"  
>The girl nodded, holding out her hands. "Found something."<p>

"Is it a dinosaur eating spider?" Alexis shook her head. "Is it an alien, fallen from the skies planning to take over the world?" Alexis giggled, shaking her head again. "A borrower? A rock shaped like America? No? Okay, I give up."

"It's a mouse!" Harry exclaimed. "The bravest most honourable mouse that ever lived! He fights off crows and badgers and foxes with nothing but his bare hands. Everybody is scared if him because he can rip your head off with a single bite! And he lives high up in a tree so he can keep an eye on his kingdom, and then when he hears somebody in trouble he climbs down from his tree and defeats the bad guy!"

The man raised an eyebrow, his smile growing. "Quite the imagination you've got."

"S'not 'magination! It's real!" Harry pouted, arms folded. "He's called Dexter."

"Well, Dexter needs to go back to his tree home." Kate interrupted before Harry could carry on with her story. "And so do we. Where did you find him?"

Harry pointed to a nearby tree. "Over there."

"Right, over there it is. You two go on ahead, I'll follow."

The man closed his notebook with a snap. "I've always wanted to see the home of Dexter the Mouse. I think I'll follow on behind."

"They're quite the pair." he says, watching Harry and Alexis together. "One fairly outgoing, the other not so outgoing."

"Yeah, Harry's never had trouble making friends. She just comes up and starts talking to you. You have no choice in the matter. I suspect Alexis never saw it coming."

He laughed. "Alexis can be quite the little charmer when she wants to be. That hair and the blue eyes? She'll be a heartbreaker."

"She is a beautiful kid."

"So is yours. Spitting image of you."

"Worst compliment ever." Kate replied, biting down the urge to laugh. "Think of a better one."

She stopped behind Harry, hands on her shoulders, watching as Alexis carefully placed Dexter the Mouse under a pile of leaves. He lifted his head up, sniffed the air and then disappeared. Harry waved at him. "Bye, Dexter!"

"Okay, home time Harry. Let's go."

"Woah, hey, wait a sec." he reached over, hooked a finger around the strap of her bag. "I know they've only just met and everything, but charmer or not, Alexis doesn't get the chance to make friends much. And they get on so well, and I was wondering if you'd want to arrange a play date or something. We could swap numbers. Give me a ring when you're next free?"

"Either you're genuinely concerned about your daughter's social welfare, or you're abusing it to get my number." Kate smirked.

"Maybe a bit of both." he grinned. "Is it working?"

Kate looked over at Harry and Alexis who were pretending to shoot each other. With dramatic deaths (overly dramatic in Harry's case) included. They _were_ getting on. She sighed. "It worked."

She dug her phone out of her pocket, read out her number. "And what would I be saving that under?"

"Kate."

"Just Kate? Am I not privy to a last name?"

"No."

He laughed, tapped eagerly at his keyboard and it wasn't long before Kate's phone buzzed with a text from him. "The name's Rick Castle."

"I know that name!" Harry piped up, while Kate stood frozen staring at the screen on her phone. "Mom, where is it?" she was tugging at her bag ineffectively, but it caused the book to slide out from under her arm and hit the floor with a dull thud. "There!" she picked the book up, thrusting it up to show Rick. "That says Richard Castle."

"Aah, you're a fan!" he grinned. "How many times have you read this? It looks like a dog got hold of it."

"I-"

"She always reads it. She has all your books." Harry interrupted, grinning up at him. "I'm not allowed to touch them."

"Really?"

"Come on, Harry. We need to go. Now." She pushed Harry in front of her, heading over for the nearest exit, willing herself to not look back until they were safely back on the street.

Rick laughed, reaching out for Alexis's hand. "See you around, Kate."

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><p>She waits until Harry's asleep before phoning Lanie. "Kate, you better be ringing me to let me know there's a glass of wine with my name on it sat on your coffee table." the M.E. sighs.<p>

"Not tonight, sorry."

"Then why on earth are you calling me?" she demands, but Kate knows she's not really angry. Or at least she won't be when she hears what Kate has to tell her.

"I met him."

"Met who?"

"_Him_!" Jeez, keep up, Lanie.

"Him being... Harry? You met Rick Castle?"

"And got his number."

"What?" Kate held the phone away from her ear as her friend shrieked in her ear.

"Harry made friends with _his_ daughter, and he said he wanted to arrange a play date for them."

"For them. Riiiiight."

"Lanie." Kate sighed, picking at a loose thread on her blanket.

"So, he has a daughter too?"

"Yeah. She's younger than Harry though. About three, I think."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know, Lanie. I mean seriously, what are the chances? How exactly do you go about telling someone that the girl your kid made friends with is actually your own daughter?"

"Well, I won't tell you I told you so-"

"You just did." Kate growled.

"-but you dug this hole yourself and you're getting yourself out of it."

"Thanks for the support." she grumbled, sinking further back into her pillows. "Oh, this is bad. So, so bad."

Lanie laughed. "Just be thankful Harry takes after you. Blue eyes aren't a giveaway, this time. Just ease him into it. I mean, he can't exactly hold it against you. All he gave you was a first name. There are numerous Ricks in New York. Hard to find just one."  
>"Because every things just that easy."<p>

"You've got to think about Harry when it comes to this, Kate. You of all people should know what it feels like to not have a parent. And I know you can handle Harry on your own, and you've done a fantastic job, still are, but do you really want to keep her from her own father?"

"Yes, but-"

"Kate, he's not going to steal your daughter away from you. I mean you never know… you could give _it_ a proper try."

"_It_?"

"Yes, you know, do that thing that grown-ups do. Find a man, fall in love, and get married."

"Lanie, I barely even know the guy!"

Lanie snorted. "Right, and you don't devour his books like you haven't eaten for days, and you don't run out to the book store to buy whichever one is out, and you didn't spend two hours in a queue to get your book signed only to get the jitters and run out of the store faster than Esposito running towards the doughnuts. Or is that another Kate Beckett I know?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Look, he's obviously a nice guy. Otherwise you wouldn't have given him your number. And you've already gone home with him before, so _obviously_ you like him."

"I was drunk at the time, Lanie. It doesn't count."

"Does so count! And the drunken Kate I know doesn't just let any guy buy her a drink. So, he must have been nice. And you didn't shoot him through the kneecaps when he tried it on with you. If you ask me, you should just marry the guy now."

"Lanie!"

"What? He's famous!"

"If you want him, he's yours."

Lanie laughed. "Don't think you're getting away with it that easily. Anyway, I have to go. I'm supposed to be cutting up a guy."

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Lanie." Kate threw the phone onto the bed with a sigh. As much as she hated to admit it, Lanie _was_ right. Could she really keep Harry from her own father? Sure, it was something when she had no idea where the guy is, but something else entirely when he's in her phonebook. And flirting with her. It's not like he remembers her. But then again, she wouldn't have recognised herself either.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I was going to do the ~reveal~ this chapter, but it was long enough already. NEXT CHAPTER, I PROMISE. Honestly not much happens in this chapter, and I'm not 100% sure of it, but on with the show.**

**Disclaimer: I nearly had a panic attack when my laptop wouldn't work yesterday. I expect ABC and Marlowe can pay people to panic for them. In other words, is it the 16****th**** yet?**

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><p>Somewhere in the back of his memories he knows he's met Kate Mysterious No-Name before. He can't remember why and he can't remember when but their lives have crossed before. And he's pretty sure it wasn't because of his books. Reasonably sure it's not because of his books, even if she is a fan. He phones her at about half eleven, sitting in his office chair with his laptop on his lap the words "you should be writing" bouncing around on the screen. He's been ignoring them for the past hour and a half.<p>

"Beckett." she answers, tired and grumpy, and he realises that he has probably woke her up.

"So, you're real name is Kate Beckett? Interesting. Not remotely embarrassing, why did you hide it?"

"I- what? Why are you ringing me at this time of night?"

"Would it be cheesy to say because I couldn't stop thinking about you? I was just wondering about the play date."

"Right. The _play date_."

"Miss Beckett, are you saying I have ulterior motives?"

"Are you saying you don't?"

"My intentions are pure, I assure you. But when's best for you? Tomorrow?"

"No, I'm working."

"I could babysit..."

"Not a chance in hell. I don't know you. Besides, she's going to her Granddad's. I have a day off in three days. If nothing comes up, we'll do it then." she hangs up on him before he has a chance to reply and he chuckles, lifting his arms above his head and stretches, barely catching the forgotten laptop as it starts its descent from his lap to the floor.

* * *

><p>"Daddy?" Alexis asks while he's trying to tug her favourite jumper over her head.<p>

"Yes, Pumpkin?" he replies, giving it one final tug.

She blows wisps off flyaway hair out of her face before answering. "Park, today?"

"Maybe. Daddy's got a few meetings to go to, but after that I'll see if we have time. And if not, we'll go out for dinner. What about that?"

Alexis mulls it over for a second. "Can we get ice cream?"

Rick gasps. "But... Alexis, you could be deathly allergic to ice cream! You could blow up to the size of a house! How on earth would we fit you in the lift!" Alexis puffs her own cheeks out with a giggle. "No, I think Daddy should eat all the ice cream. Just to be on the safe side."

"Daddy!" she cries, using the flat of her hands to push him.

"Okay, maybe you can have a spoonful. Just to make sure you're not allergic." he holds up two pairs of trousers. "Now, are we going for ballerina pink or ocean blue today?"

* * *

><p>"Will Harry be here?" she asks him, once they're firmly away from all the meetings with various people. Really, they don't have time for the park, but Alexis hasn't complained once apart from when she had a small tumble on a flight of stairs, and he can forgive a three year old for that.<p>

"I don't know pumpkin, we'll see. She's with her Granddad today."

"Why?"

"Her mommy's working. But she won't have a job where she can take Harry with her like I do, so somebody else looks after her."

Alexis frowns. "I want to play with Harry."

He grins. "You will, don't worry."

* * *

><p>He's just as shocked as Alexis is, however, when they push through the park gate and find Harry barrelling towards them, shoelaces undone and cardigan flapping around her like a cape. "Alexis!" she practically screams, causing more than a number of concerned parents to look up.<p>

Alexis has already gone, pigtails flying behind her. Rick finds an empty bench, pulls out his notepad and looks at his surroundings. He loves public places. Loves weaving intricate stories about strangers he'll never get to know. The young woman (a nanny?) with her head in a book. A CIA agent. The man on the phone is Italian Mafia, sent to terminate the beautiful lady spy. And yet neither do the two of them know that a group of alien monkey robots set on annihilating the planet are just moments from appearing from the woods behind them. The turn of events forces them to work together, a battle of wits (and an awful lot of UST that may or may not be resolved) and that's another best-seller for Richard Castle.

It takes him a few moments to pull himself out of his imagination and to realise that the bench he's sat on is no longer a single occupancy.

"Your daughter knows my granddaughter." the man says. No beating about the bush then. Rick likes the man already.

"Yeah, they met yesterday. Get on quite well. Harry is... something."

"She's just like her mother, for the most part. When Harriet was born... it was like I was looking at Katie when she was a baby. Even more so now she's growing up. Couple of heart breakers, the both of them."

"That imagination she's got, that's not her mothers. I met her mother, and it's definitely not from her. Unless she's hiding it."

"No, no it's not. Neither is the ability to make friends with absolutely everyone she meets and the constant running around like a puppy on a sugar rush. No, that she gets all of that from her father."

"Who is...?"

"Someone who Katie refuses to talk about." he replied in the tone of voice that meant the subject was off-limits.

"I'm not trying to intrude, or anything." Rick says, raising his hands in surrender. "I'm a writer. I like to stick my nose in places where it's not necessarily wanted. It tends to get me in trouble though, so if I say anything untoward just give me a casual punch. It works a charm."

"Yeah, you'll learn with Katie that she keeps a lot of stuff to herself. And she won't let go of it easily. If she could hear me know she would probably kill me for saying anything. But you're a writer?"

"Yeah. Richard Castle. Crime novelist."

"I'm Jim. And I know your books. Katie loves them."

"She got a little flustered when Harry recognised my name. Ran off like a scolded cat. It was really quite amusing."

"I expect you're used to star struck fans." The man says, searching the playground for his granddaughter. "Handsome man like you."

"You'd be surprised, actually. I tend not to get recognised all that much, because I'm not really on the screen that much. Though I do tend to get recognised for Jason Bateman occasionally. And it got me out of a speeding ticket once. Always handy."

There's a sudden shriek of pain from behind the playground, and Alexis appears, wide-eyed and terrified. Both Rick and Jim stand up, Jim already starting forward when Harry doesn't appear behind her.

"Harry's hurt herself!" Alexis cries, tears welling up in her eyes.

Rick can still here the shrieks of pain from out of sight, wondering just what it is that Harry has done that makes her sound so horrified. Jim, however, doesn't seem all that panicky. "Harry's overly dramatic. It'll be a scraped elbow or a bumped head. She'll be fine."

As it turns out, it's a scraped knee and a stubbed toe that has Harry howling in pain. But nothing Jim or Rick, or even Alexis can say will calm the girl down. She won't even let them look at her knee. "I want momma!" she wails, through screwed up eyes. "Want momma!"

"We can't go see momma until you've calmed down, Harry. Try to stop crying."

Harry buries her face in Jim's coat, wailing sorrowfully. "Will you carry me?

* * *

><p>Her phone buzzes against her hip as she's sat at her desk staring at the murder board. They're waiting for a warrant to come through, and there's really nothing else to do except to try and find new connections. It's a text from her dad. "Harry in 5." it says, and in one fluid motion she stands and pushes at the board with her hand. It swings around so the gruesome crime scene photos are out of sight. She can hear the old creaking as the lift makes its way up to their floor, knows that Harry will have decided to run flat out up the stairs. Her phone buzzes again. "Bringing guests."<p>

She frowns at that. What kind of person brings guests to the homicide floor of a police precinct? And who on earth would want to be bought here? Her questions are answered in a matter of seconds as the lift door opens, and she's more than a little surprised to find Harry in her father's arms. She's more than a lot surprised to find Rick and Alexis in there too. The surprise, however, is soon replaced by a gnawing fear in the pit of her stomach. She told Rick she was a homicide detective. Just how long can she get away with this before he finds out? How many coincidences is it going to take? Jim Beckett greets her with a warm smile, and Harry is reaching out for her.

"What happened?" she asks, taking Harry from her father and sitting her on her lap.

Her gaze is instantly drawn to the grazed knee, all blood and mud, and she's pretty sure it's going to bruise. Harry's elbow isn't so bad, but tears are still streaming down Harry's cheeks, and Kate shifts her so she can pull Harry against her chest, one arm around her waist and the other cradled around her head, whispering soothing noises into the girls' hair. Esposito has already got a packet of wet wipes out of his desk and tosses them across to her. She catches them graciously, and pulls one out with one hand.

"Big nasty alien pushed me over." Harry whimpered, hands digging into Kate's shirt as the antiseptic stings her knee.

"It was a big nasty boy!" Alexis cries, arms folded with a face like thunder. "Harry was on the fireman's pole and he pushed her off!"

The phone on Kate's desk rings then, which Rick decides is lucky, because judging by the look on Kate's face; she's more than ready to go down to the park and arrest the boy that hurt her daughter. Of course, he doesn't blame her in the slightest. He'd do the same for Alexis if the occasion called for it. Holding the wipe to Harry's knee with one hand, she reaches over and picks up the phone with the other. "Beckett… alright, thanks." She looks up at Ryan and Esposito, hanging up the phone as she did so. "Warrants come in. Lets go."

"We've got this one." Ryan says, reaching for his coat. "I don't think Harry wants to let you out of her sight quite yet."

She wants to disagree (sort of), but Harry does seem to have a ridiculously tight hold on her shirt, and she wants to make sure that her knee is actually okay before leaving. And is she really going to give up on an excuse to get out of work early? She thanks the both of them with a nod of her head, and they head for the stairs. Jim Beckett excuses himself, pressing a kiss to Kate's cheek and Harry's head. Alexis is looking around the room with an air of intense concentration, and Rick can't help but join in. Jim had told him that she was a detective and looking around (plus sneaking nosy looks behind the whiteboard) tells him that it's homicide. And he really shouldn't be that excited by it but _man_ that's cool.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm going through a EVERYTHING I WRITE IS A PILE OF CRAP phase, so I really honestly apologise if this is not good (it's not) but whatever. BLERGH WHY CAN'T I WORDS.**

**But yes, have at it.**

**Disclaimer: MARLOWE CAN WRITE, I CAN'T.**

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><p>"Mommy catches bad guys." Harry sniffs, noticing both Rick and Alexis's fascination with the room. "Her and Uncle Kevin and Uncle Javi. It's cool."<p>

"Murder isn't cool, Harry." Kate sighs, as if this was a conversation they've had before, and probably will have again. "Killing people isn't cool."

"No..." she said, looking slightly abashed. "But you get to catch them. Like you're a superhero. That's what Lily says, anyway."

"And anything Lily says is cool, right? Her parents are dentists. She's bound to say that."

Rick nodded in agreement. "Dentists are boring. Cops are cool."

"I'm not a cop. I'm a detective." Kate says, glancing over at Rick, who is looking from her, to the name plate on her desk and over to the murder board. It wouldn't be long before he put it all together. Surely it couldn't take that long. Kate was surprised it's taken him as long as it has done already. Wasn't he supposed to be clever? She pulled Harry onto her lap so she could reach for a pen and paper, scribbling down notes. Eventually, she sat back and sighed. "Alright, we're not going to get anywhere else until the forensics comes in. We'll call it a night."

Ryan and Esposito soon make their departures, waving at Harry who waves over-enthusiastically back. Kate pins her arms to her sides until she giggles. "Shall we go home?"

She nods in response, sliding from her lap to the floor. "Can Rick and Alexis come?"

"Er..." Kate looks to Rick. "I don't know..."

"Please? I want to show Alexis my giraffe!" she turned to Rick. "Please come home with us!"

Rick looks at her, and though she can't quite read the look in his eyes, she can see the cogs working in his brain, ticking over and over. Putting puzzle pieces together. Working things out. Maybe not regarding Harry, but he almost certainly knows that something happened between them. A while ago.

"Alright, we'll come home with you. Maybe I can persuade your mother to let me treat you all to take-away."

Harry gasped. "Mooooom!"

"Yeah, maybe he'll persuade me to let him buy take-away. We'll see."

"Can we get pizza?" Harry turned to Rick, eyes pleading. "Pizza's my favourite. Mom's is Chinese. But that's too fiddly for me."

"Maybe you and Alexis can share one." Kate sighs, shrugging her coat on. "I remember the last time you tried to eat a whole pizza by yourself. Even though I told you not to."

Harry pulled a face. Clearly she remembers too, remembers far too well. "When I'm older I can have a whole pizza, right?"

"When you're older." she confirms, pushing Harry in front of her. "A lot older."

* * *

><p>Technically they're breaking the law by squishing all four of them into the back of a cab (something Rick very eagerly pointed out) but the taxi driver is charmed by Alexis and Harry and happily lets it slide. She definitely knows he knows when they pull up outside their apartment building. He's looking from her to the building to Harry and back to her, his brow furrowed. Harry is dragging her along, chatting easily to Alexis, eager to get inside. Kate releases her hand from Harry's and falls into step beside Rick.<p>

"We've... met before." he asks, not wasting anytime.

"Yeah. In a bar."

"I was the only one who got to buy you a drink."

"And I told you nothing was going to happen." She replies, sifting through her bag for her keys.

"I have that way with women."

"I expect that's the celebrity status, not you." she smirked. "No offence, or anything."

He shrugged. "None taken. But you're acting very nonchalant for something this big."

"What do you mean? So we slept together, big deal."

"That's not what I'm talking about." he says in a hushed whisper now that they're in the lift. "Harry. She's what, five and a half?"

"Your point?"

"And apart from looking exactly like you, she's like a mini version of me."

Kate shepherds the two girls out of the lift. "Still not seeing your point."

"Jeez, Kate. Do you need me to spell it out for you? Just admit it already."

Kate forced her key into the lock, twists it and pushes the door open with more force than is necessary. It doesn't take long for Alexis and Harry to have taken their coats off and run off into Harry's room. Kate sighs, leans her forehead against the wall. "Of all the ways I imagined this conversation to go... it was never like this. I never imagined I'd bump into you in the park of all places, let alone for my daughter to make friends with your daughter when they're actually half-sisters. I mean honestly, how coincidental do you want to get?"

"So... what do we do?"

"There's not a chance I am letting you introduce her to the public. I am not letting her be paraded around and labelled as "Richard Castle's lovechild."

"Do you honestly think I would do that to my own kid?"

"I don't know! You get ridiculously drunk at parties, you go home with a different woman every night, you get arrested for stealing a police horse while naked, so what am I supposed to think?"

"Point taken, but jeez Kate. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh, right, and just how many women have come up to you demanding that you are the father of their baby? You would have laughed in my face and told me to go away. Besides, she looks nothing like you. I have no proof."

"I want to be a part of her life."

"I think you would be anyway, considering the girls are well on their way to being practically inseparable." Kate ran a hand down her face. "I'm gonna have to explain this to Harry."

"I'll talk to her... if you want."

"And say what?"

"Well, I've never known who my father is. I might have an idea of how to go about it."

"What about Alexis? What is _she _going to say when you tell her?"

"I... she's surprisingly easy going. I mean... I don't think she'll mind. Her and Harry get along like wild fire."

"Yes, but she's not having to share her father at the minute. Have you never heard of a story where a young child gets upset when there's going to be a new baby? They think their parents are going to love them less because they have to share. They have to share _everything_. And in their eyes that includes love. And easy going as Alexis seems to be, I don't think she's going to be as okay with it as you think she is."

"You don't know my daughter."

"No, but I know little girls. Whatever, I'll let you deal with both of them. I'm going to order pizza."

* * *

><p>It's not a conversation he imagined ever having. Or at least, not until Alexis was far, far older. And he'd have been in an actual relationship first. Not six years after a one night stand. He pushed open Harry's door, leaning against the jamb and listening to the two girls play for a moment.<p>

"Hey, Harry?"

The brunette looks up from where she was tangled up in the duvet on the bed, eyes wide. "Yeah?"

"Can we… talk a moment?"

Harry's brow furrows, and she really does look so much like her mother it's quite unnerving. Alexis looks up at him too, all blue eyes and innocence and he grins at her, some of the tension in his shoulders relieved when she beams back at him. Harry's already up and scrambling over the bed, babbling at Alexis to keep the giraffe warm and _don't forget his medicine_ _or he'll die_ and a promise to be back soon. Alexis nods solemnly, takes up the role of vet with the utmost sincerity. He can't help but chuckle.

He motions Harry over to the sofa, away from Kate (though he's pretty sure she's listening in anyway), and away from the not quite closed bedroom door. Harry sits next to him, all bright eyes and eager and he looks over at Kate. She's not looking their way, is too busy with whatever it is she's doing.

"Are you going to tell me about your intentions?" Harry asks impatiently, fixing him with a glare.

He hears Kate choke back a laugh, has to stop himself from laughing too. "No, no I'm not talking about that."

"Well, I've got a sick giraffe that needs tending to."

He opens his mouth to promise that he'll be quick, but Kate gets in there first. "Harry, Rick's trying to talk to you about something important. Don't be rude."

The girl pouts, glaring at her own mother this time. "Sorry."

"Harry." Kate fixes her daughter with her own glare, and he watches as they try to stare each other down. He shouldn't be this amused, especially when Harry looks away, all sheepish and embarrassed. "Sorry, Rick."

"It's okay, kid. I'll make it quick so giraffe can get better. Though between you and me, Alexis is a very good vet."

Harry looks uncertain, as if a three year old should not be trusted with a sick animal and glances towards the bedroom door. "He'll be okay for a few minutes."

"If he isn't, I'll buy you a new one." He sighed. Right. "You know that it's just been you and your mother for the past few years?"

Harry's eyes narrow further. "This sounds like intentions to me."

"No, no. It's not. Sort of. What I'm trying to say… is how would you like it if I was there too? And Alexis? Be a part of our family."

"But… mommy's my family." Harry says, eyes widening. "I'm not leaving mommy."

"No, no, I'm not asking you to. You'll just have two families. Kate will still be your mommy, and I'll be your..."

"Are you trying to tell me you're going to be my daddy?" The five year old huffed, fixing him with another impatient glare.

Oh. He wasn't expecting that. Damn smart this five year old. "I… urm, yes. I suppose. If you want?"

Harry sighed, rolling her eyes. "You could have just said that." she thought for a moment. "Does this mean Alexis is my sister?"

"Yeah, sure."

Harry grinned and jumped off the sofa. "Cool! Can I go and look after the giraffe now?" She looks up at Kate, who's sat watching them over the counter.

"Off you go, but tea should be here soon, so don't get too caught up."

"Okay!" She hightails it out of the room, leaving Rick alone with Kate.

It's silent for a few minutes, both of them working through their thoughts and neither inclined to break the slightly awkward silence that had descended on them. He's pretty sure Kate's reeling from Harry's easy acceptance of now having a father figure in her life, and he'd be lying if he thought it would be as easy as that. He'd have never have guessed that she'd be one to simply state out the obvious, let alone accept it.

"That went better than expected." He said, sitting back against the sofa.

Kate nodded in agreement, still leaning against the worktop, eyes downcast. "She has the habit of surprising you at unlikely moments."

"Is that you or me?"

"If it's not you, then it's just her. Definitely not me."

"You too easy to read?"

"Not exactly. I just… don't let my emotions get the better of me."

Rick shrugged, trying not to smirk. "I don't know, you seem pretty easy to read to me. For example, right now, you're shaking in your boots. Only you've trained yourself not to let it show. Whether it's because you're trying to hide it from Harry, or whether that's just who you are, I don't know. And I think if you could get away with it you'd chuck me and Alexis out of the apartment and you'd make sure you never saw us again. But you can't, because of your daughter. She's the most important thing to you, and you'd do anything to keep her out of harm's way. So that means you don't trust people easily. Or that's part of being a detective. But you don't let people in because you don't want to get hurt. Not again… not like you were the last time." Kate's glaring at him, anger and fire and an unreadable amount of sadness in her eyes and he swallows hurriedly. "Sorry. I didn't mean… I'm a writer. I'm used to observing. I'm just… good at reading people. Feel free to hit me, or something."

Kate opens her mouth to say something, but there's a knock on the door startling them both. "Do that again, and I will shoot you."

"Noted." He stands up, reaching for his wallet. "You get the girls, I'll get the pizza."

Kate looks like she's about to argue, but he's already marched over to the door and is pulling it open before she can say anything. She presses the pads of her fingers against her temple, trying to get rid of the headache that's developing and pushes Harry's bedroom door open with her shoulder. "Pizza's here, you two. Leave giraffe to get some sleep. I'm sure he needs it."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: nope I'm still dead from Always.**

"She trusts too much, that's her problem." Kate sighs, looking over to where Harry and Alexis are sat on the sofa, empty plates between them. "She'll make friends with everyone if she can, only some people don't want to be friends with her. Or they take advantage of the fact she'll happily do anything for anybody. And she learns it the hard way."

"She sounds like me."

Kate stared into her coffee mug, bottom lip between her teeth. "She's a lot like you. I figured, anyway. She's nothing like me. The imagination, the ability to just go up to someone and just befriend them, the hyperactivity and the attention span of a puppy. That's not me."

"You, er, know me quite well considering this is only the third time we've met."

"I just... know me. And I know her."

"Hmm, that's true. You're about as serious as a heart attack."

She huffed. "Thanks for that."

He shrugged, the corner of his mouth tipping up into a smile. "You're welcome. You know... I can give you child support for Harry. I know raising a kid isn't hard when you're a single parent and-"

"Look, Rick, I appreciate it and everything, but you're a best selling novelist. I highly doubt you've had to struggle raising Alexis. I know you mean well, but we've managed so far on our own."

"Well... Harry will be starting school in September, won't she?"

"Yeah... why?"

"Let me pay for it."

Kate jerked her head up, her eyes wide. "What?"

"She deserves the best. She's a smart girl, and getting a private education would give her the chance to reach her full potential. You know, ivy league colleges and everything."

"Private schools are expensive, and you've got Alexis-"

"I've got more than enough money to put both of them through school, Kate. And it's not like I won't be writing anymore books. It's not a problem."

"I don't want her growing up thinking that she's better than everyone else simply because her father's rich. I want her to work for what she wants, for a living. I don't want her to be able to just go up to you and ask for a new car, or a holiday to Spain or whatever."

"Alexis wasn't born with a silver spoon in her mouth, you know. Sure, I spoil her. But she's my daughter, and I can afford to. But I'm careful with it. Alexis will have to work hard in life to get where she wants to, just like I did. Just like you did. Going to a private school isn't going to turn her into a spoilt brat. Trust me."

"All her friends..."

"She'll make new one's. Kate, you know she will. Please."

Kate pulled her teeth across her bottom lip. "I... alright. Fine. Fine. You can pay for school. But if I don't like it then I'm taking her straight out and into public school. Okay?"

"Okay."

By the time the next film finishes Harry is practically asleep on Kate's shoulder, Alexis much the same on Rick's and it's well past both of their bedtimes. And well on the way to being Kate's too. Or at least, that's her excuse to get Rick to leave.

"I can take both of them tomorrow, if you want. I was going to take Alexis to the aquarium, and if Harry wants to go too, then..."

"I like the aquarium." Harry mumbles against her shoulder, still half asleep. "I wanna go to the aquarium."

Rick grins. "Excellent."

"I'll drop her off at yours about eight? I know it's early, but I have to go to work, and-"

"Hey, it's fine. I mean, it'd be nice if you'd be able to come along too. Maybe the next time. You got a pen and paper?"

Kate hands him a spare piece of paper, biting her nail as she watches him write down his address. She's not nervous. She's not. It's just Harry going to the aquarium with her Dad. That's it. She's not going to get kidnapped, or killed. Just the aquarium. Safe as houses. Sure as eggs are eggs. Right? "Just... try not to get her in any newspapers. Alright?"

"Already have a deal with the paparazzi. Take all the photo's of me you want. Stay away from the kids. Three years and they've never broken their promise. And I'm not going to say anything stupid, okay? Just in case you were wondering."

"I... wasn't." she stuttered, looking offended. "Just give me a text when you're done and I'll let you know where to take her."

"What time do you get off work?"

"I'm not sure. I'm hoping for around five o clock, but we're in the middle of a case and I don't know what's going to lead us where. Hopefully we'll have it sorted and all I'll have to do is paperwork. And some of that I'll be able to finish some other time. But I'll let you know."

"What do I do if you can't pick her up?"

"I don't know, Castle. You're the writer. Use your imagination."

"Alright. Until tomorrow then."

She frowned at him. "Night."

"Daddy?"

"Alexis?" Castle turns to his daughter, who's watching him from the opposite side of the car. The old and jerky lift in the building had woken her up, and she was yet to fall asleep again. She's been looking out of the window ever since they'd left Kate and Harry's apartment building, watching the lights and the people that they pass.

"Harry said I was her sister."

"Did she? How do you feel about that?"

"Does that mean you're her Daddy?"

"Yeah, in a way. And it means you'll get to see a lot more. And you like Harry, right?" As much as he sung Alexis's praises to Kate... he does admit he's a little nervous about Alexis's reaction to everthing that happened today. Sure, she's easy-going but she's not one to handle change well. And this is a big change.

"But... you're my daddy."

"And I'll still be your daddy. It's just that I'm Harry's daddy too. It doesn't mean I love you any less, pumpkin."

"But I don't want you to be anyone else's daddy! You're _my_ daddy!" her bottom lip wobbled, eyes swimming with tears.

"Don't you want a sister? You'll get to show her all your cool toys, and have sleepovers and we'll go on trips out, and we'll build huge blanket forts in the loft-"

"We can do that without Harry." Alexis replied, folding her arms petulantly. "I don't want her there."

"Alexis, if you're going to keep sulking then I'll just have to phone Kate and tell her that we can't go to the aquarium tomorrow because Alexis has a sulky face on."

"I want to go to the aquarium!"

"Are you going to stop sulking?"

She paused for a moment, eyes furrowed, lips pouted. "Yes."

"Good. Then we'll go to the aquarium. But you need to accept that Harry will be part of our life a great deal more now. I know you're used to it just being us two, but things change. It may seem weird at first, but you'll get used to it. And you _like_ Harry. Surely that counts for something, right?"

She checks her phone before she herself gets ready for bed and is glad she did. There's a message of Esposito informing her that they've somehow wheedled a confession out of a witness and Montgomery has very kindly given them all the day off. Kate smiled. She'd always loved the aquarium. And Harry _had_ been asking if they could go again. She checked on Harry as she brushed her teeth, standing in the gap so the light from outside doesn't wake her. She can just about see the top of the girls head. Just like her mother, she pulls the duvet way up past her chin when she sleeps. Shielding themselves even in sleep.

"Momma?"

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Go back to sleep."

"We see the fishies tomorrow?" Harry asks, turning over laboriously to look at Kate.

"Yeah, Harry. We'll see the fishies tomorrow."

"I like the fishies." she mumbled, barely managing to finish the sentence before falling back to sleep.

"Mommy?"

Kate opens her eyes slowly, blinking away the deep seated need to just close them again. Harry is stood next to her bed, eyes wide, arms clutching at a giant teddy bear, a present courtesy of her granddad. "Hey, you. Why aren't you asleep?"

"I had a bad dream. With spiders."

"Were they tap dancing?"

"Tap-dancing spiders aren't scary, mommy." Harry giggled. "These were big and black and tried to eat me."

"Didn't I try and rescue you?"

"They ate you first."

Kate huffed a laugh. "Nice." She shuffled backwards a bit, lifting up the covers as she did so. "Come on, then. You can come sleep with me."

Harry climbed up the side of the bed before flopping down into the space with an oof. She turns on her side, head pressed into the pillow, one arm tight around the bear, the other gripping Kate's shirt. Her eye's are already closing again, heavy with sleep. "Momma?"

"Yeah?"

"Am I... will I have to go and live with Daddy now?"

"No, not at all the time. You'll still live here. But it'd be like having a sleepover with Alexis. You love sleepovers, don't you?"

"Would you come with me?"

"No... I'd need to sleep in my own bed."

"But what if I missed you?"

"You could phone me up. Or if you really missed me then I could come and pick you up and we'll come straight home again. But it'll be no different than having a sleepover at Lily's, and you really enjoy them, don't you?"

"I suppose." Harry yawns, closing her eyes and pressing her face deeper into the pillow. "I prefer Alexis though."

Kate smiled, ran a hand across Harry's hair. "Go to sleep, Harry."

It's ten past eight when she knocks on Rick's door. Kate was pleasently surprised at how modest the apartment building is. She was expecting fancy. Fifth Avenue apartment. Except it's not. It's just modern. Castle answers the door still in his pyjamas, a toothbrush dangling from between his lips. "I have the day off." she says, staring at his attire with a raised eyebrow. "So I'm coming with."

He grinned. "The more the merrier! Alexis is just finishing her breakfast. I don't think we'll be that long." he steps back, letting Harry run past him. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Coffee, please." Kate replies, as Harry shakes her head.

"One coffee it is."

"Shouldn't you finish brushing your teeth first? And get dressed?" Kate asks, leaning against the back of a leather sofa, arms folded.

Rick looks down, seemingly surprised by his current state of dress. "I... er, yes. Probably." He walked backwards towards his bedroom. "Coffee's on the side. Just help yourself. I'll be out in a few."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N sigh this chapter just did not want to work urgh. I am so, so sorry this has taken so long and honestly I'm not happy with it, but it'll have to do.**

**Disclaimer: DOES ANDREW MARLOWE'S BEST FRIEND SEND HIM TOM FELTON'S AUTOGRAPH IN THE POST BECAUSE MINE DOES**

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><p>He's more than amused to see that Kate is enjoying this just as much as he is. She's pretending she isn't, of course, but every time he looks over she is grinning. Harry is running to and fro from the animals, then back to Kate and then to him and then back to another animal and then back to the latter. This time it's running from the penguins to the sea otters with the occasional foray into the seals. Alexis prefers to wait at the penguins. Has always preferred them to anything else. Kate and himself are leaning against the wall, coats and bags in hand, happy to let the two girls enjoy themselves. He knows Alexis will never venture too far, and Kate's not looking at anything other than Harry.<p>

"You're enjoying this."

"I never said I wasn't." Kate replied, giving him a sideways glance.

"You don't seem like the kind of person who enjoys aquariums…"

"Right, because you know me so very well. And it's not because I don't like aquariums. Or day trips out with my daughter to where ever. It's just I'm a cop. I have a natural distrust of people. Everyone to me is a killer."

"Everyone?"

Kate shrugged. "Other than three people. Occupational hazard."

"What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Do I look like a killer?"

"You _do_ kill people for a living."

"I have a penguin at home." Alexis states rather proudly as Harry runs up to stand next to her. "He's called Poncho."

"I have a giraffe. Called Marlowe."

Alexis scoffed. "That's not a name for a giraffe."

"Well it's the name of my giraffe." Harry replied, grinning back at her. "He's fluffy."

Alexis was clearly not impressed at this news and turned her attention back to the penguins. She'd been standing there for a good ten minutes already, wiggling her way past knees and legs and elbows to get a good view. She's always liked the penguins. Likes the way they waddle around and mate for life and keep their eggs warm on their feet, standing still for hours at a time, just waiting. Of course, that was more in the wild than in the aquarium, but she loved them all the same.

"Okay, one thing, and one thing only."

Alexis scampers off around the shop, looking at absolutely everything, while Harry stays hesitantly clinging to Kate's hand. There's a look of longing on her face as she watches Alexis, something that Kate doesn't miss, and looks pointedly at Castle. "Harry, I meant you too, you know. Go and pick something."

Harry looks unsure, glancing up at Kate who nods and nudges her back with her hand. "Go on, Harry."

Looking slightly more dignified than Alexis, Harry walks slowly around the shop. It doesn't take long to realise that while Alexis is looking at the more expensive items in the shop, Harry has stuck to the cheaper things, and it's not long before she returns clutching a tiny stuffed dolphin.

"You sure that's what you want?" Castle asks, casting a wary eye at the tiny ball of grey fur.

Harry frowns at the toy and then up at Castle. "Yes."

"Would you rather not have a bigger one?"

"Nothing more than ten dollars. That's what mom always says."

Castle goes to open his mouth but Kate gets there first, crouching in front of her daughter. "Harry, Castle's got a lot more money than me. He can afford for you to get something bigger, if you'd like." Kate knows Harry has had her eye on the huge stuffed seal ever since her first visit to the aquarium, huge baleful eyes turning to find it every time they enter the small gift shop. But, like the good girl she is, she's never once asked for it. Sure enough, Harry looks down at the dolphin and then the seal, before back to the dolphin. "Mommy? Can I have the seal?"

"Why don't you ask Daddy, seeing as he's the one paying."

Harry's almost hesitant as she turns her attention to Castle. "Daddy?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"Please can I have the seal?"

"Considering you asked so very nicely." Castle grins. "You go get the seal, Harry."

The seal takes up the majority of the back seat of the town car, the head resting on Harry's lap, stretching across Kate, with the tail tickling Castle under the chin. Alexis is asleep, her head lolling back against the head rest, arms wrapped around a clown fish. Harry is pensive, looking out of the window at the passing buildings. Another thing she seems to have inherited from Castle. Harry loves to watch. "Mommy?"

"Yeah, Harry?"

"Can we go and visit your mommy?"

"I – no, Harry. Not today."

"But we haven't seen her since Christmas!" The girl pouts, eyes furrowing in consternation.

"This weekend. Okay. We'll go this weekend."

"But I wanted to show her my seal!"

Kate pinches the bridge of her nose, squeezes her eyes tight shut. Not now. Of all the places, not now. "Harry, we will go and see my mom soon. Just not today. It's late and I have work tomorrow and we still need to cook tea and she's on the other side of town."

"Just for a minute."

"We can give you a lift there and back." Castle says, leaning forward over the seal. "It's not a problem."

"No, Castle. We'll go at the weekend, and that's that."

"Why don't you want to see your mommy?" Alexis asks, the commotion having woke her up.

Kate looks across at her, all wide innocent blue eyes and curses internally. She didn't want to do this. She doesn't need for him to know about her mother. He can't see it, but she can't keep Harry from wanting to go and see her mother.

"Sometimes people don't get on, Alexis. Sometimes it happens to be one of our parents. And that's okay."

"No… no it's not that we don't get on. We do. We… did."

She sees the understanding dawn on Castle's face, wants to be anywhere but here. Anywhere away from his sympathetic glances and his innocent daughter and the pleading eyes of her own. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's… I'm fine. It's fine."

She knew he didn't believe her, but was glad when he didn't question her. He will, eventually. But at least she can prepare herself for it. Close herself down, build up the walls. Harry must have sensed her discomfort, had already wrapped one arm around hers, leaning against her. "I'm sorry, mommy. We can go at the weekend. It's okay."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm sorry, I really am. I've not had a good couple of months and writing this has had to go on the back burner. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, so.**

**Disclaimer: Marlowe probably doesn't have this problem**

"Why doesn't Harry's Mom want to go and visit her mommy?" Alexis asks around a mouthful of mashed potato.

"I don't know, and it's none of our business. We shouldn't pry." Castle replied. "And don't eat with your mouth full." He added afterwards.

Alexis swallowed. "But I thought you're supposed to love your mommy? Doesn't she love hers?"

"I don't know. And you're not allowed to ask her. And no asking Harry, either."

Alexis frowned, stabbed her fork into a carrot. "I like seeing my mommy. And you like seeing your mommy." She sighed. "People are strange."

"Yeah, yeah they are. But every person has a story. Their own chapters of their lives that need telling. And sometimes we tell people those chapters, and sometimes we don't. We keep them hidden. Kate happens to be one of those people who keeps a lot private, keeps it to herself, and that's okay."

"What about you?"

"Me? Well, I keep my family private. Like you, and Gram and Harry. But other parts I let people know about. There are people out there who want to know about me, and what I do."

"Otherwise Paula gets angry." Alexis grinned.

"Otherwise Paula gets angry, yeah."

"I like Paula. She's funny."

"You find her funny. I find her annoying." He smiled, tapped the side of his nose. "But that's a secret."

He can't get her out of his head. It's funny, a night stand six years ago and the memories of that night are blurry and few and far between, and now he can't get the damn woman out of his thoughts. Her story, what makes Kate who she is, he wants to know. She intrigues him, more than any other person he's ever fallen in love with before. In a story centred way, of course. He doesn't just fall in love with random people he meets on the streets. But he needs to know her story. He forbid Alexis from asking any kind of personal questions, but he can never stop his mouth from opening before his mind has done the thinking. It's got him in trouble before, and he doesn't doubt that it will again, but with Kate, it'll be different. She's guarded, bricked up. Even her defences have defences. Trying to get them and into the hidden chapters underneath without pushing her further away, it's a hell of a challenge. He's had challenges before, and he's faced them with an overinflated ego and a puffed up chest and has conquered them all. Kate is stubborn and fierce and hot headed and _smoking hot_ and honestly, she is so far out of his league. That is saying something considering he's a famous playboy crime writer and he could quite easily get any woman he wanted. Luckily, he has the perfect way in.

Harry has worn herself out today, was asleep almost as soon as her head had hit the pillow. She's sacked out in bed, half of which is taken up by the giant seal she insisted on sleeping with. Still, the girl could fall asleep where ever the heck she wanted to, the lucky thing. Lying in bed, Kate was struggling to turn her mind off. Struggling to get her mind away from _him_. Six years she managed it, Six years of it just being her and Harry and no one else. And that was okay. They worked like that. And now, now she can't stop thinking about him and she has no idea what to do about it. She can't force him out of her life, not Harry's either. And yet, she can't imagine what that would do to her. She knows… she knows that he's going to work his way in, put himself where he's not wanted, hell, he already tried once. And how can she stop him, how can she put up extra defences when it's him that helped her in the first place. The books, his books, they already started chipping at the bricks and the mortar, letting them crumble. It's frustrating. This is frustrating. She wants to punch her something. A punching bag, or… something.

"I was thinking the dinosaur museum."

Kate looks up from her phone, too busy trying to work out directions from his apartment to a New York bar to pay much attention. "Sorry?"

"Today. I was thinking of taking Harry and Alexis to the dinosaur museum."

"Oh. Right, yeah. Sounds nice."

Castle frowned, taking the slightest step towards her. "Are you okay?"

"I – Fine. I'm fine." She stepped past him, crouched down beside Harry. "You be good, okay?"

Harry wraps her arms around Kate's neck, and Kate buries her head in Harry's shoulder. "I'll be good, Momma. I promise."

"Good girl." Kate takes a moment to get back up, and Castle pretends not to notice the shine in her eyes. But he does catch her by the wrist as she walks past him.

"Hey, if you need anything… anything at all… you just, you ring me. Okay?"

Her brow furrows as she looks at him but she doesn't answer, just shakes her hand free and leaves.

Harry is too quiet for his liking. Sure, he's only known her for a week, but she's a vibrant and happy child and today… she's loitering. Dragging her feet. Sullen. And it's not like he's had to tell her off. He hasn't. She's been as good as gold. But something's amiss with her. And Kate too, for that matter. Alexis is trying her best, bless her. At least she's managed to get Harry to run around and pretend to be dinosaurs much to the amusement of everybody else. That's why he loves this museum. There's no upper class snooty nosed people telling him to make his children be quiet. They're allowed to explore and investigate and make as much noise as they like. Hell, on some of the less expensive exhibits they're allowed to go up and touch. Alexis, no matter how many times she's visited this place, still walks around with the same sense of awe she got the first time. Everything's the same, and yet you always notice something different. One little detail that's different from last time. And yet, Harry seems to have little or no interest in anything.

He crouches down next to her at one point, when Alexis is examining the mouth of a stegosaurus, pulls her close towards him. "Hey, Harry. Are you okay?" She nods, but her eyes are dull. "You miss mommy?"

She nods again, her fist clenching in the back of his shirt. "Mommy was crying this morning. And Mommy never cries."

"What happened?"

"Something at work. She wouldn't tell me. But…"

"We'll see her soon, right? We could phone her while we're having lunch. Make sure she's okay."

Harry sniffs, clenches her jaw. Harry's got the same stubborn streak that he recognises in her mother, upholding the exterior while you're falling apart on the inside. She's going to grow up to be just like her, heaven help him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Marlowe's bra isn't really itchy right now**

* * *

><p>By lunchtime Harry's mood hasn't improved and Castle's toying with the idea to leave the museum and catch a cab back to his loft and keep both of them occupied with Disney films. Alexis may sulk for a while, but he has ways of making it up to her. She rarely stays mad at him for long. He's told Harry that she had to at least finish her sandwich before she talks to her mother, and she does eat it, crusts and all, before turning to him.<p>

"Can I phone Mommy now?"

Castle pulls his phone out, keys in the number and slides it across the table towards her. Harry picks it up eagerly, presses it against her ear. Castle can hear the tone from here, watches the girl's face fall as it carries on ringing. He waits it out for a few more rings, his heart twisting, before he holds his hand out for the phone. Harry looks at him, and he can see it written all over her face. She's scared. Her mother isn't answering the phone and she's terrified.

"Harry-"

"She always answers the phone." And he can tell she's going to start crying, knows that it'll be hard to try and calm her down. "I want mommy."

"Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's busy and she can't answer the phone right now."

Harry shook her head. "Uncle Javi or Uncle Kevin would answer. Someone always answers."

"We could go and see her. Just for a short while."

Alexis looks up from her piece of flapjack. "After we see more dinosaurs?"

He's tempted to say no, purely because he can see the anguish all over Harry's face. But he's been promising Alexis dinosaurs for the past week. "We'll go look around one more room, and then we'll go. We can come back again another day."

Alexis accepts the deal, finishing the last of the flapjack with a grin. She turns to Harry. "I'm sure your Mommy is fine."

Harry, to her credit, smiles.

"And that's a Pteranodon!" Alexis announces proudly, always happy that she can manage to pronounce the names. "And a _Deinonychus_!"

Castle laughs to himself, sits on a bench and watches as they walk around. He's been in this room enough to know the exhibitions off by heart, doesn't need to examine anything to know that the leg on that pterodactyl is slightly wobbly, or that if you press your hand against the chest of the Raptor it almost sounds like you can hear its heartbeat. He's heard that enough times. His phone rings, and he digs it out of his pocket, not a number he recognises but he answers it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Oh – hi, um, you rang Detective Beckett's phone?"

"Yes, right, sorry. It's just – I'm looking after Harry, and she was getting worried about her and then she wouldn't answer her phone, and she's okay now, she's looking at dinosaurs, but if it's at all possible…"

"Oh… um, she's… a little busy right now."

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah, yeah… she's… fine."

"No offence, but you're not exactly filling me with confidence here."

"I know, I'm sorry, but she is okay. It's… something happened, but she's not hurt or anything, look, is Harry there?"

"Yeah, hang on." He presses his hand over the speaker, calls out for Harry who turns around. "Phone, Harry!"

She runs over to him, and he can see the relief in her eyes as she takes it away from him. "Mommy!... Uncle Kevin! Is Mommy okay? Can I come see her?" She's pacing, shoes tapping against the floor as she listens to whatever Uncle Kevin is saying. "How long will it take? So… if we set off now? I don't mind waiting for her. Just as long as she's okay."

Castle see's her shoulders visibly relax, only now realises now just how tense he was at the prospect of Harry's mother being injured or worse. Harry hands him the phone, the call already ended and he pockets it. "So?"

"She's okay, but she's busy."

"You still want to go and see her?" She nods vigorously, and she's already zipping her coat up. "Alright. How about we get a drink first?"

"Momma likes coffee."

"We'll buy her a coffee then. Alexis, are you ready?"

Alexis is already tugging her hat over her head, pushing her hair out of the way with her hands. She grins, wide eyed and grinning. "Can I have a milkshake?"

"No."

She sighs. "Can I have a milkshake, please?"

"Since you asked so very nicely, yes." He puts his hand on her hair, ruffles it until she pulls away laughing. "Do you want a milkshake too, Harry?"

"Yes please. A coffee and vanilla."

He frowns. "A coffee and vanilla milkshake?"

Harry nods. "Yes. They're nice. Mommy has her coffee and I have my milkshake. Every Saturday morning. Doughnuts too, if I'm good."

Castle laughed. "I'll leave that milkshake to you. But, maybe we can get doughnuts too."

"For Uncle Javi and Uncle Kevin too?"

"Why not get them for the whole floor?"

* * *

><p>Kate wants to throw up. She wants to uncurl herself from her desk chair and enter the toilets and empty her stomach. Except she can't because everybody is watching. They're trying to be inconspicuous about it, peering over computer screens and files. Ryan and Esposito aren't being subtle about it at all, and she knows Montgomery is taking regular peeks from behind his blinds. Can they not just leave her alone for more than five minutes? Honestly, she wants to go home and curl up in bed and cry but she can't because she's got to read this <em>stupid<em> report.

"Uh, hey, Beckett…"

She looks up. "What, Ryan?"

He winces at the sharp tone of her voice. "Um, Harry phoned. Before. I think she was worried about you."

"Oh. Right. I'll phone her."

He smiled. "I don't think there's need." He nodded his head towards the lift and she span around in her chair, watching as Harry, Castle and Alexis tumbled out of the lift.

She laughs at Harry her arms up and cradling a large box of what she suspects is doughnuts. Behind her Castle has a carrier full of drinks. She recognises Harry's typical milkshake, glad for that small slice of normality. Harry drops the box on her desk, right on top of the report (she's more than glad for that, doesn't want to have to explain to Castle what exactly happened today) and launches herself onto her lap. Kate catches her, pulls her in for a crushing hug.

"Hey, you. How were the dinosaurs?"

"They were good! But I missed you."

"Did you? I missed you too."

"Uncle Ryan said you were busy. He said that something had happened and-"

"It's alright, Harry. Everything's fine. I'm fine. Honestly."

Harry nods, and then leans forward. "We bought you a coffee. And doughnuts! We bought everyone doughnuts. And I got a milkshake." She grins at her, and she can't help but smile back. Her smile's always been infectious, ever since she was a baby.

"Did I hear someone mention doughnuts?"

Kate shakes her head at Esposito, pushes the box towards him. "Greedy pig."

In true Esposito style he picks the one with the most chocolate smothered on top, takes a bite and grins. "You're the best, Harry."

She giggles. "I know."

Ryan's reaching over the desk for his own multi coloured sprinkled doughnut, winking at Harry as he does so. "Cheers, Harry."

"Daddy's the one who bought them!"

Kate freezes, glances from Harry to Ryan and Espo and then up at Harry. Ryan and Espo aren't looking at her, instead their attention has turned to Castle who's standing there shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. "Daddy, huh?"

"I – uh, yeah. Ryan, Esposito. This is Richard Castle. Harry's father."

"Richard Castle, the author?"

"One and the same." He plucks a coffee cup from the cardboard, hands it to her. "There's your coffee."

"I – oh, right. Thanks." She wraps her hands around it, didn't realise just how badly her hands had been shaking.

"Are you… okay?"

"I'm fine. Long day. But thank you for taking Harry out. You're welcome to get going, if you want. I'd rather keep Harry here."

"Well, why don't we do dinner? Come back to mine, whenever you're done here. We don't mind waiting, do we Alexis?"

Alexis shakes her head. "I like dinner with you. It's fun."

"Wow, Alexis. You make me sound like the most boring man on the planet." Castle nudged the back of her head. "So, dinner?"

* * *

><p>Alexis is already pulling Harry up the stairs and to her room, adamant on showing her some new something something that arrived from her mother that morning. It's not much, Castle says. Just a few bits and bobs that Meredith hasn't really thought about but sent them anyway. Alexis likes to pretend they mean something. He knows she keeps them in a box under her bed. It hurts him, that her mother doesn't seem to care. That she finds more joy in her acting career than spending time with her daughter. Alexis doesn't mind, not at this age. But later, as her friends go shopping and go out with their mothers, she's going to ask questions. She's going to need a motherly figure. And he's never been good at keeping motherly figures around.<p>

Kate sinks down onto the sofa, suddenly oh so tired, and puts her head in her hands. She shouldn't. She should wait until she's home because Castle's going to ask questions, and she's not sure she's up to answering anything right now.

"You look like you need a glass of wine."

"No, no I shouldn't. I need to drive home later."

Castle shrugged, dropped his coat across the back of a sofa. "Nothing stopping you staying the night." She startles, and he sees the shock and surprise and fear in her eyes. "Not like – no, I don't mean like that. There's a spare bedroom upstairs. Harry can sleep with you, or she can camp out in Alexis's room, whichever."

"I couldn't – I've got work tomorrow, and I have no clothes. Neither does Harry. We'll stay for tea, and then we're going home."


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: this is the shortest amount of time it's taken me to write anything in about six months**

* * *

><p>They both laugh at the state of Alexis and Harry after tea. He'd dug Sleeping Beauty out, piled them both on the sofa with blankets and cushions. Neither of them had made it past the first half an hour. Kate's standing by the sink, insisting on helping him with the washing up even though he said it was fine. She was quiet throughout the most of dinner, apart from occasional words to Harry to stop her messing around quite so much. Of course, she did the majority of the talking for her.<p>

"I know what you're going to say." She finally admits as he reaches past her to pick up a stack of plates.

"Do you?"

"Yes. You're going to say you might as well stay here because Harry's already asleep and it wouldn't be unfair to wake her up and make her go home in a freezing cold cab, and you can just leave early in the morning and no one will ever know."

"Well, I wasn't going to say it exactly like that… but look, Kate, something happened at work today. Something big, I can tell. You're shaken up, and Harry knows it. If you don't want to tell me, fine. You can have your secrets. But you're exhausted. And I don't want you making your way across the city like this."

"Castle-"

"Jeez, Kate. I'm not trying anything on here. Just… trust me, okay?"

Kate gnaws on her lip for a few seconds, eyeing him carefully. "Fine. But I'm doing this for Harry, not for me."

"Okay. Good. Now, are we going to leave them on the sofa or are they going straight to bed?"

"Ah – um, well really it's Harry's bath night, but…"

"She can have a bath here. It's not a problem. Will she be alright when she's tired?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine. She's no trouble. But I'll get it out of the way now."

Castle nods, gestures to the stairs. "You know where it is. Towels in the cupboard, I don't know if you want to use Alexis's stuff, but feel free. And it doesn't matter if the room and floor and what not gets a little wet. There's toys and stuff, have fun."

"Have you got a long shirt or something that she can use as pyjamas?"

"Yeah, I'll dig one out and bring one to you."

"Thanks." She hands him the tea towel, shakes her head as he just drops it on top of the still wet stuff.

"They'll dry on their own. It's fine. I'm gonna get Alexis into bed, is Harry sleeping with you, or?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't mind…"

"You want her close?"

"Yeah. It'd be easier than you having to set up a bed and everything."

"I wouldn't mind, but that's fine. It's all made up anyway."

Kate has always loved bath time. She loves sitting on the floor of a steamy bathroom with her daughter sat in the bath talking about anything and everything that pops into her head. At the minute she's leant against the side of the bath, her hair loaded with bubbles and a plastic tub in her hand. Apparently filling and then emptying it is highly amusing.

"Momma?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"You know… the man you said you were after."

"What about him?"

"Did you get him? Is that where you were?"

"Yeah, yeah I got him. And I was talking to Uncle Montgomery and some other people about it. Just to make sure that everything was okay."

"Why?"

Kate sighed, took the plastic tub from her. "Lean back." She filled the container with water. "I had to shoot him. In the precinct."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah – yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit shaken up." She tipped the water over Harry's hair, her hand blocking water from getting into her eyes. "But I'll be okay. We'll be okay."

"We're always okay."

"Yeah, yeah we are. Are you okay with staying here tonight?"

Harry nodded, reaching for the bottle of conditioner. "I like it here. I mean, I like our house. But this place is nice. It's big." She sniffed the open bottle. "This smells of watermelon."

"You smell of watermelon."

He'd found two cotton shirts buried deep in the back of his wardrobe. They'd smelt a little musty but he'd chucked them into the dryer on the shortest cycle while they were in the bathroom, and they were slightly less smelly and a lot warmer. There was a table outside the bathroom and he'd laid them carefully on there, smiling as he heard the sound of splashing and laughing from within. Alexis is leaning against his leg, still half asleep and he picks her up, rests her on his hip.

"Is Harry and Kate staying here?"

"Just for tonight. They'll be sleeping in the spare room."

"Are they getting a bedtime story?"

"Not tonight, Harry's having a bath. But maybe we can have a bedtime story?"

"Have you been a good girl?"

Alexis nods, completely solemn. "I've been a very good girl."

He sighs. "Then I suppose we'll have to have a chapter of something."

"Charlie!"

"Charlie? Who's Charlie?"

"Charlie! And Willy Wonka! And the big glass elevator!"

Castle pushed open Alexis's bedroom door with his foot and walked over to her bed. She clung onto his neck, already knowing what he was going to do, though it was worthless even trying to cling on. She landed on the bed with a tired giggle and a breathless yawn, smothered when Castle threw her pyjamas over her head.

They both get carried away with reading Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator and he ends up reading three chapters before Alexis is sagging against his shoulder. He earmarks the page (he should really invest in actual bookmarks), leaves it on her bedside table. The nightlight, a purple thing that has unicorns and fairies on the glass, revolves slowly around. He keeps an arm around her shoulders, slides himself off the bed and lets her slide down under the covers. He runs her hand over her head, smoothes her hair and leans down to press a light kiss to her forehead. "Night, pumpkin."

The hallway lights are dim, but there's a bright light coming from the open door of the spare room. There's no noise coming from inside and he pushes open the door. He almost laughs. They're both asleep, Harry's hair a tangled mess against his pillow, her head pillowed on Kate's shoulder. Kate's arm is wrapped around Harry, the tips of her fingers resting against her temple. They're both in his shirts, Harry is buried under the duvet, but it's barely covering any of her, her legs slim and going on forever and he remembers those legs, wrapped around his hips, or flung over his shoulder. He turns the light off, letting the room flood with moonlight. Kate murmurs something, turns over on her side. He smiles, closes the door.

He's supposed to be writing. Well, he has been writing. He must have got a vague-ish outline for five chapters, and he's happy with where Derrick Storm is going. Was going? It's this last chapter. He has no idea. Kill him off, not kill him off. Kill him off, not kill him off. He needs a damn daisy. Or maybe he needs to think about it. Sleep on it. He closes his laptop, plunges his office into darkness. There's a crash, followed by a long string of swear words and he's out of his chair and through the door faster than he's moved in a long time. The kitchen is lit up by harsh lights and he blinks against the light intrusion. Kate is standing by the counter, sucking on her finger.

"Kate?"

"Sorry, I was after a glass of water. Dropped a glass."

"You cut yourself?"

"Mm, foot as well. I think it's not as bad as it looks though. I'll stick a plaster on it. I didn't wake you, did I?"

He shook his head, crossing the room. "I was writing, I work better at night. But I think I'm done for the night. Have a… decision to make. Going to sleep on it."

"What kind of decision?"

"As you are a fan of my books I'm afraid I'm going to have to keep it a secret. Now, come over here and let me look at your foot."

"It's fine, honestly. I'll just-"

"Kate, please. You're still half asleep. Let me have a look."

She glares at him for a moment, and then moves, hops over the shattered glass and makes her way over to one of the bar stools. Castle is already pulling a first aid kit out of a nearby cupboard. He's handing her a plaster with a smile. "I'm sure you can manage your finger, right?"

"Yeah, I can manage my finger. Have you got a wipe?"

"Yeah, just gimme a sec." He's tipping the contents out on the table, trying to find the packet of wipes that he knows is there somewhere. "Aha! Here you go." The cut on her foot is long but it's thin and not very deep, and he's sorted it with a couple of antiseptic wipes a cut up piece of dressing and a couple of strips of tape. "Sorted. You still want that glass of water?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"You sit. I'll get it."

"You don't have to. It's fine."

"Sit."

"Are you always this bossy?"

"When I need to be. Ice?"

"No, just water."

She doesn't realise she's shaking until he hands her the glass of water, and she has to grasp it with both hands to stop from dropping it.

"Are you okay?"

"You keep asking me that."

"Yeah. And? I'm concerned. You're shaking, and Harry has been acting funny all day. Exactly what happened today?"

"I had to do my job, and I had a bad dream. Just wanted to clear my head."

"Bad dream connected to having to do your job?"

"I don't see what that has to do with you." She made to stand up, but he caught her arm.

"Kate, you can't keep all of this bottled up. It does you no good. Talk to me."

"Why should I talk to you? I don't know you. The only reason I'm here now is because of a stupid mistake I made six years ago."

"You regret having Harry?"

"No, no – I love Harry. I just –"

"Regret having her with me…" he says, and it's flat. God, he knows he's not the perfect man, and he's not a perfect dad, but… really? "What's so bad about me?"

"Nothing, it's not… well it is you. It's… when I was nineteen, my mother was killed. She was murdered. Stabbed. It was never solved, the killer was never caught. My dad turned to alcohol, and I turned to the police academy. And all that time, with the training and the classes, I read your books. I found one in the library once, and I just picked it up and I read it and ever since then… they help. Your characters, their families, they get justice. They make me believe that maybe not all people's lives are so hopelessly changed that there's no way back to a way of normality." She sighed, shook her head. "And then six years ago at the beginning of January, you turn up and you start flirting. Can you imagine that? Your favourite author, and you get to take him home, and then three months later you're pregnant. With his baby. Your baby. Whatever. This is… this is crazy for me. It's not you. Not… really. You're wonderful with Harry, and Alexis is perfect. You're not a bad father and anyone would be lucky to have a kid with you, it's just… who you are to me."

"I'm sorry."

Kate laughed, pushed a hand through her hair. "For what, getting me pregnant or because of my mom?"

"Both, I guess. Did what happen today… was that to do with your mother?"

"Yeah. A man was stabbed in his apartment, it was to do with Westies and drugs, but the ME, she noticed the similarities between his stabbing and my mom's. Turns out it was the same guy. The dead guy's brother. Killed him, just like he killed my mom. And all because he was paid to do it. And then I shot him. I had to shoot him before he could tell me who was actually behind it."

"At least you got the man who physically killed her. That's something, right?"

"It's something. Yeah. But I want the people behind it. I want the men who covered whatever it was up. Whoever paid Coonan. They're who I'm after."

"That's why you didn't want to go and visit your mom. And why you haven't seen her since Christmas."

"She's a hole in the ground, yeah."

"I met your Dad."

"Yeah, I know. But it's okay. He's okay now."

"Are you okay?"

"There's that question again."

"Kate, I just-"

"You're being caring, I know. But I don't need looking after. I've taken care of myself since I was nineteen, and I don't intend to stop now. So, thank you for the hospitality and the food and my foot, but really, I don't need you."


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm not feeling this chapter at all whatsoever, but I needed to get it written so here it is. I'm really not sure about the American education system IT IS SO CONFUSING so if the whole Kindergarten thing doesn't ring true then I apologise profusely.**

**Disclaimer: ENGLAND IS REALLY, REALLY COLD RIGHT NOW.**

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><p>He reads about it in the newspaper the next morning. It doesn't mention any names, and the information is minimal, but it draws his mind back to what Kate told him last night. It kept him awake for a good hour after that, <em>murdered mother<em> spinning over and over in his imagination, the tale already starting to be spun. Isn't this what he wanted? Something new. A new start. He could easily kill Derrick. A bullet through the skull and it's done. But… would Kate let him? The woman is so very private about everything, Castle isn't exactly sure that she'd be happy to let him wonder in and out of her life, plucking details from here, taking details from there and mixing them to create this new character. Regardless of whether he's her favourite author (and unwilling mother of his child), he's more than sure that she'd resist every step of the way. And he can't exactly go around stomping through her private life without even letting her know. Could he? No. No, he couldn't. But. He growls and throws the newspaper down on the table. Alexis lifts her head and growls straight back at him over her bowl of cereal. "I am a tiger!"

"You don't look like a tiger." He mused, regarding his youngest daughter carefully. "Maybe we should make you look like a tiger. Face paint?"

Alexis's face lights up and she bounces up and down in her chair. "Paint! Paint!"

"Alright, alright. Breakfast, wash up, and then we'll get the paints out. That okay?" Alexis nods fervently, starts to shovel cereal into her mouth. "But take it easy, alright? I don't want you to choke on a cornflake."

Alexis is running around with a bright orange face waiting for the base layer to dry when there's a knock at the door. He hops over the traps that Alexis has set with the many and numerous toys that she absolutely insisted had to come downstairs with her and pulls it open. It's Kate, looking out of breath and rushed and frantic.

"I wasn't expecting you today."

"Yeah, yeah I know. And I'm sorry it's short notice, but my Dad's come down with the flu, and he says he's fine, but I didn't want to leave Harry there – and would it be possible-"

"Course it would be." He looked down at Harry who blinked up at him out from underneath her large hat. "We always have fun, don't we?" Harry doesn't answer, just clings onto Kate's coat. "I'm sorry for leaving early this morning – it was – I needed to get home."

"Kate, don't worry about it. I didn't expect you to hang around."

"Right. Okay. She's tired, and she's a bit grumpy, but – I've got to go, I've got – crime scene." She crouched down to Harry's level, pulled the hat off her head. "You be good, okay?"

Harry's bottom lip wobbled ominously, and she clung to the coat harder. "I want to come with you."

"You know you can't, Harry. I'll be home as soon as I can – I promise."

Harry's face screwed up. "I don't want you to go. I want to go home." She cried, trying to get closer to Kate. "I want to go home!"

"Harry, don't-" Kate started to plead, but Harry just screamed louder, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I don't want to leave you here as much as you don't want to stay, but you can't come with mommy today." She pulled her own hat from her head, a yellow woollen thing, pulled Harry's hat off and replaced it with her own. "Look, you've got my hat. And you know how much I love that hat. So while Daddy looks after you, you look after my hat. Yeah?"

Harry used to sleeve to wipe at her face, snuffling and blinking hard. "I want you to look after me." She mumbled quietly, looking at Kate with those big wide brown eyes. "I don't want Daddy."

"Course you do. Daddy will make sure you have lots have fun." Kate nods at Alexis who has appeared at the doorway, curious as to what is going on. "Look, Alexis is all covered in face paint. Maybe you could have your face painted too?"

"I'm a tiger!" Alexis shouted, followed by a loud roar. "You could be an elephant!"

"You like elephants, Harry." Kate prompted, giving the girl a smile. "You want to be an elephant?"

"Penguin." She responded, looking up at Castle. "Can I be a penguin?"

Castle grinned at her. "You can be anything you like. Why don't we let mommy get to work and we'll make you look like a penguin?"

Harry looked like she was going to burst into tears again, but she unclenched her fingers from Kate's coat and stepped back. She was working her mouth like nobody's business, focusing on that instead of crying, but she nodded. "I'll look after your hat, mommy. I promise."

"And I'll be back as soon as I can to take you home. And I'll phone you at lunchtime."

Harry nodded, stepped forward to throw her arms around Kate's neck. "I love you."

"I love you more." Kate replied, pressing a smacking kiss to Harry's temple.

Harry laughed, pressed her own kiss to Kate's cheek.

His couch is getting covered in black and white and orange paint, but he really can't complain. Alexis is focused on Dora the Explorer, oblivious to anything that is going on around her. Harry, on the other hand, is completely sacked out, sprawled on her front with her face smashed against a cushion. She's been asleep like that for the past hour after running around with Alexis pretending to be animals who have just escaped from the zoo. He had the fortune to play the zoo keeper who never seems to be able to catch them, and somehow gets hurt in some way or another every time he tries. It was then that Alexis had the bright idea of Dora the Explorer. And that's better for him because really he doesn't want to fall over legs and arms and be jumped on from behind and scratched on the head. It didn't take long for Harry's eyes to closed and Alexis is too engrossed for him to need to worry about her. So he heads towards his office and decides to waste the rest of his morning by staring at the last chapter of his book. He doesn't know what to do. Oh, he hates his job.

Harry wakes up with Alexis's foot in her back. She grunts and turns over, wipes a hand across her eyes. There's a streak of black and white across her arm. The loft is quiet, the disc having stopped playing a while back. Alexis is asleep, lying on her back with her hand flung out across the edge of the sofa. There's no sigh of Castle, and Harry stumbles up and walks across to the only open door.

"Daddy?"

Castle lifted his head up from the desk and smiled at Harry. "Hey, you. You okay?"

Harry nodded, made her way over to the desk and walked around I, trailing her fingers along the wood. "Is it lunch time yet?"

"Almost. Half a hour."

Harry leant against his leg and he reached down to lift her up onto his lap. She curled up into him, her head over his heart and her bare feet against his thigh. "What are you doing?"

"Me? I'm doing my work. Or trying to, anyway." He span around in the chair so Harry could look at his laptop. "I'm kind of stuck."

"Why?"

"I don't know what's going to happen next." He sighed, tapping a finger against the keyboard.

Harry twisted her head so she could look at him. "Have him kidnapped by aliens. The Great Overlord Vaylen, master and ruler of the Omniverse. And then he has to save the world from worldwide destruction. Write that."

"That's not the kind of story this is, Harry." Castle chuckled, spinning them around again.

"Well, it should be. Everybody wants to read about aliens and spaceships and planets and explosions."

"Not the people who want to read my books. Sorry to break it to you, Harry." He lifted her down onto the floor. "But come on, let's go get your sister and we'll get something to eat. Okay?"

"What are we doing tomorrow, Daddy?"

"I've got meetings, so Grams coming to look after you. That'll be fun, right? Maybe she'll teach you the piano."

"Loud piano!"

"Exactly. Reasons why I am glad I will not be here. You and Grams can smash up the piano to your heart's content, but not literally, of course. Harry, what are you doing tomorrow?"

"I'm going to school. I don't want to, but Mommy's making me."

"Kindergarten?"

"It smells, and I don't like the teachers and I don't like the kids." Harry pouted, pushing the crust of bread around her plate.

"Maybe you could move."

"There's nowhere else. Not until I go to big school."

"That won't be long. And then there'll be new people and new teachers and people that you can make friends with. Alexis is looking forward to going to school, aren't you pumpkin?"

Alexis nods eagerly while Harry continues to sulk. "No one wants to be friends with me."

"I'm your friend." said Alexis, from across the table.

"You're my sister." Harry grumbled, sitting back in her chair with her arms folded. "It doesn't count."

"I was your friend before I was your sister." Alexis replied, feeling a little put out. "I'm still your friend."

"You're not at my school. I don't want to go to school."

"I can't wait to go to school." Alexis begins. "I'm going to learn how to read and write and how to make two plus two equal four."

It's not until two that Kate finally manages to get enough time out to grab a quick snack from a vending machine and ring her daughter. Castle answers with a huffed hello – doesn't give her a chance to reply before Harry is babbling down her ear.

"Take it slow, baby. Can't understand you."

"I was a penguin! And we escaped from the zoo!"

Kate chuckled, scribbled a note on a piece of paper and stood up to place it on the murder board. "How did you do that?"

"We dug a hole! Me and Alexis, and Daddy tried to catch us, but he couldn't."

"Did you make him fall over a lot?"

"He did fall over a lot. And he never caught us. We still free. We run away."

"You still look like a penguin?"

"No, we in _disguise_. Daddy doesn't know it's us. Daddy's feeding us ice cream."

"Ohh, are penguins allowed to eat ice cream?" Kate stood back and leant against the edge of her desk, staring forlornly at the murder board. Something has to fit somewhere. Something has to make sense.

"Course penguins are allowed to eat ice cream. Why shouldn't they be allowed to eat ice cream? Penguins live on the ice. They're not _allergic_."

Kate's head jerked up, her eyes flying to the autopsy photos. Allergic. _Allergic._ There was the break that she needed. "Harry, you are an absolute star."

"Did I help? Did I solve a murder?"

"Maybe, Harry. Maybe you did."

Harry shrieked down the phone and Kate laughed. "Okay, Harry. I gotta go. If I can turn this into a proper lead I may be home sooner than you think. You go back to being an escaped penguin, okay?"

"Yeah, mommy. I'll be a penguin."

Three and a half hours later Kate's walking through Castle's front door, and she's barely two seconds in before Harry is barrelling into her legs. "Did you catch them, Mommy? Did you catch them?"

"Yeah, Harry. We caught him. All thanks to you." Kate grinned and lifted her to squeeze her tightly. "You ready to go home."

"Yeah. Home. But only if I don't have to go to school tomorrow."

Kate lowered her brow, gazed sternly at Harry from underneath. "Harry, you know you need to go."

"Then I'm staying here. Daddy won't make me go."

"Daddy will make you go, just as much as me."

Harry coughed. "Fine. I'm sick. I got flu."

Kate sighed and set Harry back on the floor. "You do not have flu. And you're going to school tomorrow."

"You're mean!" she stomped her foot, the noise echoing around the room. "Mean, mean, mean!"

"Yeah, yeah I know. Worst parent award. Now come on, coat. It's tea time." Harry stayed where she was, standing there with her arms folded and her bottom lip stuck out. "I'm not against carrying you out, Harry. I've done it before and I've done it again."

Harry sat down, head bowed and her hair falling across her face. Kate dropped her bag and coat on the floor with a bang, slid down the door. "Harry, listen to me. I know you don't like it there. I can understand that. But we've talked to your teachers, and they've tried, Harry, they really have, and there's nothing more I can do. There's nowhere else you can go."

"They haven't tried! Everything's still the same!" Harry screamed, fists pounding against the floor. "Nobody likes me!"

Kate sighed and tipped her head back against the door with a thump. She hated this. She hates that her daughter finds it so hard to make any permanent friends, hates that she spends most of the day on her own. And there is nothing she can do. She can't afford to send her to any of the other schools that are around, doesn't have the time to enrol her in a school elsewhere in the city. And really, what's the point? There's only a few months left of the school year, and moving schools will just be more of a disruption. It's just as hard trying to make friends in a completely new place where you don't know anyone, and when you don't have the experience of having and keeping a friend, hell, she wouldn't want to be in Harry's position. And yet, she'd swap in an instant if it meant her daughter would be happier.

"What if I came in with you one day?"

Harry lifted her head, relief sparking in her eyes. "You'd come in with me?"

"Yeah, yeah I would. You like the sound of that?"

Harry nodded eagerly before scrambling up and launching herself into Kate's arms. "Yes. You come with me Mommy."

Kate sighed, rested her forehead against Harry's crown. "Alright, Harry. I'll come with you."


	11. Chapter 11

**Going through stages of I hate this chapter I love this chapter I hate this chapter. Right now I think I love it. That may change.**

**Disclaimer: Castle returns on my dad's birthday ( (or it does if you're in Europe (it is also Elvis Presley's birthday. JSYK).**

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><p>He doesn't hear from either Kate or Harry for another week and he finally, out of sheer desperation, he marches down to the precinct and catches the lift up to the Homicide floor. He's surprised that Kate isn't there, but he does find Esposito meandering out of the break room. "Hey, Esposito, right?"<p>

The man nods, fixes Castle with a disapproving glare. Doesn't trust him, okay. He's a cop. He can deal with that. "I'm looking for Kate. And Harry."

"Upstate. Took Beckett's dad up to get some fresh air. Away from the city, you know."

"Ohh, right. It's just…"

"She didn't tell you? No, she wouldn't. Don't take it personally. But she should be back in the next couple of days." Esposito replied, pushing past him.

"Do you have her cell number?"

"Shouldn't you have it?"

"I – I do, only she's not answering it. I just wondered if she had another. Like, a private one."

"I'm not going to give it out to you. I don't know you."

"Understandable, alright. Well, if she gets in contact with you, can you get her to phone me? It's not important… I just want to know how she's doing."

Esposito smirked at him, look far too amused for Castle's liking. "But you don't want to know about your own daughter? Dude."

Castle floundered, stuffing his hands in his pockets just so they had something to do. "I figured that if something was up with Harry then she'd tell me. But you know Kate, she's private and doesn't let anyone know that she's hurting. And I trust her enough to tell me if there was something wrong."

Esposito grinned. "You like her. Don't deny it."

"Who wouldn't? But whatever, not the point. Just… pass on the message for me."

Esposito waved him away, heading towards his desk. "Sure, whatever. Now bugger off, I have work to do."

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><p>"Yo, Beckett."<p>

Beckett sighs down the phone at him, tries to handle the tray of coffee and keeps the phone pressed against her ear with her shoulder. "Javi, I told you only to phone if it's an emergency."

"You didn't tell Castle you were going away. He just came in and bugged me about it." Esposito responds, clearly not bothered by the obvious breaking of the emergencies only rule. Or saw this as one. Kate wasn't quite sure.

"Don't see how it's any of your business, to be honest."

"It's not, but Harry is his. You should have told him."

Beckett put the tray down on the coffee table, poured the tea into a mug before handing it to her father. "I didn't have to tell him anything."

"Just… give him a ring, Beckett. Stop him from badgering me. Please?"

"Fine. Fine, whatever. But the next time he comes up to the precinct and starts bugging you, just tell him to piss off." Kate flops onto the sofa next to Harry, tugs on her leg slightly. "You didn't give him this number, did you?"

"No, Beckett. I'm not an idiot. And I don't have a death wish either."

"Alright, fine. I'll give him a call. And Javi, the next time that Castle comes for a visit and I'm not there, just ignore him. Okay?"

"Would that work?"

"I don't know, it's a new experiment."

Esposito sighed at her, exasperated. "What have you got against the guy, Beckett? You slept with him once. Can't be all that bad."

"I'm going to go now."

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><p>She waits until both her father and Harry have long since fallen asleep before dragging the blanket across her lap on the sofa. Her father's cabin doesn't look like much from the outside, but inside it's spacious, light and has a very homely feel to it. There's a niggling sensation at the back of her mind, telling her over and over again that she should have done this sooner. Practice has long since helped her silence that voice in the back of her head, but for some strange reason it's not being quiet today. She was going to phone him. She was. Only once they were back at home and she was in her own environment. She'll phone him when she wants to. Though, saying that, she'd rather she didn't have to phone him at all. She doesn't want to talk to him. Kate knows that she should have told him where she was going, and she's well aware that she's probably made a right pigs ear of the whole situation. Maybe if she had another chance, she would have done if it differently. Maybe if she'd had another chance maybe she'd never have slept with him, or at least been more adamant on birth control. She'd been too drunk that night. Too drunk on the too many drinks and too drunk on the way he was making her feel. It would have probably been a whole lot easier on the both of them if she'd just outright told him she was pregnant. It wasn't that hard to find an author, you just needed to wait for a book signing. But no, the stubborn streak in her refused to budge, and she was adamant that she could do things on her own, and even if she said so herself, she was doing a damn good job at it. But that didn't resolve the fact that she still needed to talk to him. Ugh.<p>

He takes a while to answer, and it occurs to her that Castle is probably leaving her hanging on purpose. It wouldn't surprise her, and she knows she deserves it, but jeez, he's taking his time. He picks up, _finally_, with a very sharp sounding "Kate."

"Castle, look you can't just march into my work place and demand that my colleagues phone me. They can't waste time trying to get hold of me just for anyone who walks in off the street."

Castle snorts, and it's angry and hurt. "Remind me who is the one who ran off somewhere upstate with my daughter? Do that all you want, Kate, but please just let me know beforehand?"

Kate sighs and pulls on the loose thread of the green blanket. A bit gets stuck in her nail and she pulls it free with a grunt. "I'm sorry. It was a spur of the moment thing and I was so caught up with getting our stuff ready."

"Understandable, but you've been there a _week_ already and you haven't got in touch once. Hell, Kate. Even a stupid text message would suffice."

"I'm sorry, okay."

He sighed, and she could practically hear him rolling her eyes. "Are you really though, Kate? Because all I'm hearing right now are a load of words with not a lot of meaning behind them. Don't tell me you're sorry if you're not."

"Castle-"

He swore down the phone at her, and Kate refrained from throwing the phone across the room. "Kate, look, I'm trying to make this work. I am. I want to have a relationship with my daughter where I don't have to worry about where she is, or why I can't get hold of you, or her. I don't want to be left pacing around my apartment for hours on end wondering if something has happened to you or her, and nobody knows to tell me. And I don't want to take your daughter away from you. Believe me, it's the last thing I'd want to do, but we need… this needs to be a team effort. I need to know."

"I'm not used to this, Castle. It's always been Harry and me. That's how it's been since I first discovered I was pregnant. I'm not used to having someone else there. I'm not used to having to let someone else know where I'm going. I'll get used to it, and I really am sorry."

"Alright. Fine." He sounds dejected, and Kate knows he doesn't believe her. Hell, she's not even sure if she believes her. "Just promise me you'll call when you get back?"

"We'll be back tomorrow. Going to school with Harry day after." She hesitates, chewing on her bottom lip. She shouldn't, but it's practically shreds anyway. Another minute won't hurt. "If you're not busy, you're welcome to come with us." She huffs a laugh. "Harry would love to show both of us off."

"Doesn't sound like a nice place, if you ask me."

"It's not, not really. I mean the teachers themselves are decent. I can't fault them. It's just… well, you saw. She doesn't do making friends properly. And I'd do anything to help her with it, but…"

"I can help."

"Yeah, I know. You're paying for her education. But there's no point pulling her out of there now and putting her through the trauma of going somewhere she doesn't know. And I'm not doing it to her."

"No, I mean – I don't have a nine till five job. I can write whenever the heck I want to. If it helps having a parent there with her… I mean, it's not every day of the week, right? I can spare a couple of days."

"You've got Alexis too."

"She loves spending time with my mother. And vice versa. And I have babysitters. If it helps Harry, then I'm willing."

Kate feels slightly taken aback. She doesn't know why, she'd always known that family is important to Castle, and he would do anything for Alexis, and now Harry, but he's willing to give up two days just so Harry isn't miserable at school. Oh, why did she have to end up with one of the good guys?

"I – thank you, Castle."

"Anytime, Kate. And you'll phone me when you're home?"

"Soon as I'm in through the door, if it makes you feel any better."

He laughed, deep and rich, and something flutters in her chest. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." She repeats, holding the phone to her ear long after he's hung up.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I'm watching James May drive a NASA moon buggy into a lamppost.**

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><p>"Dad! Dad! Dad, Daddy, Dad!" Harry slams into Castle's legs as soon as he pulls open the door.<p>

He staggers back, has to put a hand out to the wall to keep himself upright. "Woah, Harry. Easy." He looks up at Kate, who's standing in the doorway with a slight smile on her face. "I wasn't expecting to see you tonight."

She shrugged, leant forward to tug Harry away from Castle. "You were on the way home, and it didn't take as long as I expected. You don't mind, do you?"

"No, of course I don't. I was just about to start tea. Both of you are welcome to stay, if you want?"

Harry turns her head towards Kate, her eyes pleading. She doesn't have to say a word for Kate to laugh. "Yeah, sure. We'll stay for tea."

Harry launches herself at Castle again, but he's prepared for her and catches her with an arm around her waist, lifting her up and throwing her over her shoulder. "Excellent. We're having Harry ala Carte, if that's okay? Might have to cut her up to get her in the oven." He marches over to the kitchen counter and drops a breathless Harry on top of it while Kate shuts the door behind her. "Don't worry, Harry. It'll only tickle a little bit."

"I don't wanna be cooked!" Harry shrieks, kicking her feet against the black counter top. "Mommmmmyyyyy!"

"He's not going to cut you up, Harry." Kate rolls her eyes. "Stop being so dramatic."

Harry sits up and pouts at her, her hair mussed and tangled. "Not funny."

"Oh, but it is kind of funny."

Harry turns her pout onto Castle, who laughs. "We're having meatballs for tea, Harry. Made out of beef mince. Not you."

"Good. Where's Alexis?"

"Upstairs, having a nap before tea time. You're welcome to go and switch the TV on, or you can read a book, or I'll switch the laptop on. Or, if you want, you can have a nap too."

"Can I have a nap?"

Castle smiles. "Sure. You can steal my bed, if you want?"

Harry nods, puts her hands up so he can lift her off the counter. "Carry me."

Kate huffs, folds her arms at her daughter. "You're not a baby, Harry."

"Tired." She wrapped her arms more firmly around Castle's neck. "Want carrying."

He drops Harry on the bed and she giggles, bounces up the bed on her knees until she lands on the pillow. "Wake me up when dinner is ready."

"I will, don't worry."

Harry grabs hold of his sleeve, pulls him down until she can plot a sloppy kiss against his cheek. "I missed you, Daddy."

"Missed you too, kiddo. Now go on, get some sleep." He pulls a blanket over her, up to her shoulders and tucks it in around her.

Her eyes are closed before he can even step backwards from the bed, asleep before he gets to the door. Kate's waiting for him, her arms folded, and eyes soft. "She asleep?"

"Out like a light. Did she not get that much sleep this week, or something?"

"Not yesterday. Dad had a rough night. We were both up a lot of the night."

Castle pointed his thumb back towards his bedroom. "You're welcome to join Harry. Dinner won't be ready for about an hour."

Kate shook her head. "No, I'll be alright. I drank a lot of coffee, but thanks. I can managed until we get home." She pulled off her jacket and rolled up her sleeves. "You want any help with dinner?"

"You actually have goggles for when you're cutting onions?" Kate raises both her eyebrows at him, her face lit up in amusement. "Can't you just be a man and take it?"

"No man should ever have to endure the pain bought on by onions. Why would you want to cry? Seriously."

"Nothing wrong with crying."

"Yeah, well. I'd rather not. Are you just going to sit there and make fun, or are you actually going to help?"

"Well, you know, taking the piss out of you is a lot funnier than helping." Kate pulled a red pepper towards her, held her hand out for a knife. "But I suppose if I must."

"So, how is your Dad doing after your week away?"

"Yeah, he's a lot better. Getting away did him good. He'll be back at work in a couple of days." She cut the pepper in half, scraped the seeds out and started to dice it, stealing pieces every now and then when Castle wasn't looking. He was frying the onions by now, the rich smell filling up the loft.

"You going back to work, then?"

"Yeah… why?"

"I was just… wondering."

Kate's brow furrows at him. "What is it?"

"Well… I just… wanted to write a new book. I mean, I know Derrick Storm was and still is what got me here, but writing him… I know everything. Nothing's surprising me anymore."

"Riiiiiight." She frowned at him, passed him the pepper which he tossed in the bowl with the mince. "And what's this got to do with me?"

"I was wondering if you would let me… follow you around at work. Kind of see the ins and outs of the NYPD. An actual homicide floor. It wouldn't be every day, I've got to have Alexis most days of the week."

"And… this new book…"

"New character completely. Based on a… female NYPD homicide detective."

Kate shook her head. "No. Absolutely not. No way."

"Kate-"

"No, you're not basing a character on me. Not a chance."

"It wouldn't be completely you. Just… bits of it. And I won't include Harry. It'll just be a couple of days a week. I won't be any trouble."

Kate snorted. "Right, I'll believe it when I see it. What makes you think I can even get permission to let you follow me around? Castle, you're a civilian. I can't just invite you into the precinct and let you follow me around."

"I'm friends with the mayor. Pull in a few favours."

Kate's eyes bugged. "You're friends with the mayor?"

Castle shrugged, like it was no big deal. "He's a fan. Play poker on occasions, charity events, you know. I could get him to have a word with your boss."

"You're _actually_ serious."

"Yeah. I'm serious."

"Castle you've written like twenty five best sellers before, why on earth do you need – _now_ – to work out the ins and outs of a precinct?"

Castle dug his hands into the bowl of mince and peppers and fried onions, starting rolling them into balls. "Well, you know. I want it to be authentic. Like, really, properly authentic."

"They're already pretty authentic." Kate questioned, staring at him as if he was bordering on insanity.

He grinned, eyes twinkling with mirth. "And that's coming from a person who isn't a fan, right?"

"I suppose if you get the say so from the mayor then I can't do a lot about it, but I'm not happy about it. Okay? I'd rather you just stayed here and didn't bother me at work. At all."

"Who says I'd bother you at all!" Castle exclaims, turning back towards the stove top to tip the meatballs into the frying pan. "I don't bother. I've never bothered anyone at all in my life. Ever."

"Like I'm actually going to believe that. Castle, I go to crime scenes for a living. I look at dead bodies and I interrogate people and occasionally I have to shoot people. I can't bring civilians into that."

"I'll get a vest! It can say writer on it."

"This isn't some joke, Castle. My job _shouldn't_ be this amusing to you."

"I'm not – I never said it was. Okay, I've spent twenty or so years of my life writing fictional people, just sat at my desk in pyjamas, or lounging around on the sofa and pretending to write, and it's all very well. I love writing. But fiction can get boring. And maybe I want to help real people. And I can't exactly turn into some cape-wearing superhero."

"So following me around is the way to do that…"

"It seems like the easiest option."

"I'm not condoning it, Castle. And if the mayor says no, then that's it. You drop it."

"Well… what if I picked your brains after you got back from work?"

"The last thing I want to do when getting home from work is talk about it. Just, write your books like you normally do. In your pyjamas, procrastinating, whatever. I don't care. Just leave me out of it."


	13. Chapter 13

**This chapter took me a while to get out, and there's some parts I'm not so sure on, but all in all, I'm pleased with it. **

**I just want to thank all of you. All of you who have reviewed, followed, favourite, thank you. Thank you for putting up with my long periods of silence, and still coming back to read more.**

**I know I rarely respond to reviews, but I do appreciate them, and I appreciate all of you. So thank you, very much, and I hope you all have happy holidays and a great New Year.**

**Lots of love.**

**Disclaimer: IIIIIIIIT'S CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTMAS. Finally.**

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><p>Castle takes the sensible option and chooses not to bring up his idea for the rest of dinner. Kate stays silent, only opening her mouth to talk to say something to Harry. Alexis is just as quiet, in between mouthfuls staring wide-eyed at Kate. She doesn't seem to mind, or care, or even notice, too busy cutting into her food with possibly more vigour than is necessarily needed. He shouldn't be that amused by her irritation, not when it's all because of him, but that little frown between her eyes is far too cute for him to be wholly worried. He has no doubt that Kate could take him down, no questions asked, and not even break a sweat. Of course, if she absolutely insisted on wrestling with him it's not like he'd complain. The idea of Kate Beckett hot and sweaty, her hair curling against the nape of her neck and her clothes tight against her body, which is pressed oh so tightly against his… they aren't thoughts that he should be thinking about at the dinner table. Maybe later, in the sanctity of his own bedroom, or the shower, or hell, even his office. Okay. Change the subject. Right now.<p>

"What you going to do tomorrow, Harry?"

Harry blinks at him sleepily, looks over at Kate. "Science."

"Science?"

"My friend Maddie. She's taking Harry to this… science club. It's this all day thing. She helps when I've got work on occasions, but she's this high-ranking restaurant owner. It's hard to get a day where she's free. But when she is, she's more than happy to take her when needed." Kate huffed, pushed her plate away. "She's like Harry's crazy aunt. Let's her get away with the most ridiculous things." She added, with a wry smile.

"Reminds me of Alexis's mother. She's certainly a character."

"Hm. Harry, have you finished? It's time we set off home. You need sleep."

Harry nods and slips off the chair, landing heavily on the floor. She stumbles over her feet as she does, pitches forward to catch herself on Kate's thighs. Kate cradles Harry's head against her ribcage, her fingers stroking her hair away from her cheeks. "I think that's our cue to leave."

"You could –"

"Don't suggest staying the night. We're going home."

Castle raised his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright. It was just a suggestion."

* * *

><p>"Beckett."<p>

The way Captain Montgomery calls for her from his office has Beckett groaning internally, her eyes closing as she pushes herself away from the desk. Esposito and Ryan are both raising speculative eyebrows in her direction, and she frowns at them. Not that it works. It just serves to make them look all the more amused.

"Beckett, I've just got off the phone with the mayor." Oh, for… Beckett purses her lips and refrains from answering back. "It seems you have an admirer."

"Sir, I really can't have a civilian following me around all day. I can't be responsible for him"

"Oh, it wouldn't have to be all day. He's got a young daughter. Two, young daughters, if I'm hearing correctly."

Beckett sighed, folding her arms across her chest defensively. "I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"He said himself it would only be for a couple of days a week. Three tops. This is good for the precinct, Beckett!"

Beckett rubbed at the spot between her eyes, the tension already building behind her eyes. "I don't have a say in this, do I?"

"Unfortunately not. Whatever the mayor says, goes."

Montgomery smiles at her, trying for apologetic and sincere, but it just makes Beckett want to throw a strop. But, of course, that would be unprofessional. And wouldn't do anything for her cause. "When can I expect him to be here?"

"I think he said he'd be here at lunchtime."

"_Lunchtime_?! sir?!"

"Beckett, there's nothing I can do about it. You can complain all you like, but it's not going to change anything."

Beckett chews on the inside of her lip until she feels the taste of copper burst onto her tongue, turns on her heel and leaves, the door slamming not so quietly behind her.

* * *

><p>"We are the sooooooooooooooooooooooooool ar system." Harry sings, throwing her arms out wide and spinning in a fast circle. "We are the soooooooooooooooooooolar system."<p>

"Harry, just – be quiet a minute."

"I am the Sun." Harry continues, waving her arms wildly in the air. "I am a burning ball of _fireeeeeeee_."

"_Harry_."

Harry laughs and runs off to the other side of the hall, singing loud and clear about all the planets she's learnt about. Maddie doesn't even try to stop herself from smiling at the girls outspoken personality. It's infectious. "Sorry, Kate. They've been doing planets. She won't stop singing."

"Sounds like Harry." Kate laughs. "She can get it all out on you and I won't have to listen to it."

"You're a cruel, cruel friend, Katherine Beckett. I don't know how I put up with you."

"Because my daughter has got you so hopelessly wrapped around your little finger that you couldn't possibly bear to be away from her."

Maddie laughed, reached down to pick up their coats. "You got me there. We're about to head for lunch. How busy are you?"

"Waiting for phone records to come through. Won't be for another couple of hours. I can meet you at Remy's in half an hour?"

"If you're sure you can get away. We'll be fine without you."

"Half an hour. Promise."

* * *

><p>Kate curls her hands around the mug of coffee, lets the porcelain seep through her skin and warm her bones. Maddie is watching her carefully, hands around her own drink. Harry is kneeling on one of the bar stools, talking animatedly with one of her favourite waitresses, and the chefs keep supplying her with milkshakes.<p>

"She certainly knows how to work her way under your skin."

"Yeah. With adults, maybe. She's still having trouble with kids the same age as her."

"She'll grow out of it. I was the same at her age. And look at me, I'm Mrs. Popular."

"Yeah, sure. There for your charming personality, and not your ever increasing bank account."

Maddie let out a derisive snort. "And what about you and Mr. Writer Man?"

"Harry's told you everything, I see?"

"First thing she told me. So. You found him then?"

Kate took a long sip from her coffee, contemplated her answer. "I didn't lose him. I knew who he was. I just… didn't want him to know, or be a part of our life. It was just a complete coincidence that Harry happened to make friends with his daughter. Horrible coincidence."

"Oh, come on, Kate. It can't be that bad? At least Harry doesn't have to grow up without a male figure in her life."

"That's not the point. He's trying – and he succeeded – in following me around at work. Wants to get an in depth knowledge of an NYPD precinct."

Maddie let out a low wolf whistle. "Looks like somebody has a little crush!"

"Maddie, don't-"

"He loooooves you, he wants to maaaarry you-"

"Maddie, _shut up. _This isn't funny. I can't have him following me around at work. It's just… it's implausible, and stupid, and he's going to get himself killed, or even worse Ryan or Esposito, and I can't have that on my conscious. He's a best-selling author already, _why_ does he feel the need to follow me around? Surely he'd see me enough with Harry."

"He likes you, Kate. And to be honest, you could do with a man in your life. And let's face it, you liked him enough to drag him home with you."

"I was drunk." Kate grumbled. "Completely different. And I don't have the lifestyle for a man. I have to get up at ridiculous hours and I work late, and you know me Maddie. I'm stubborn and hot-headed and I don't like people intruding. I just push them out."

"Maybe so, but Castle's already sort of in. Could you at least give it a go? If not for you, do it for Harry."

"I hate you sometimes, you know that don't you?"

Maddie smirked and sat back against the red leather. "Only because I'm right."

* * *

><p>She's irked to find him sat in her chair when she gets back from lunch, Harry having said goodbye with a quick hug before scampering off with Maddie to spend ridiculous amounts of money on things she probably doesn't really need.<p>

"That's my seat."

Castle turns around, the phone records in his hands, and gives her an attempt at a disarming smile. "There was no else to sit."

"Well find somewhere else. And you shouldn't be looking through those. They're private."

Castle closed the folder, and placed it reverently back on the desk. "I'm sorry."

"You'll be more sorry if you don't move."

Castle sighed, almost as if she was asking him to climb Mount Everest, and heaved himself to his feet. "Right, where I can I find a chair?"

Kate slid in to her chair, reached for the folder herself. "Don't know, and I don't care."

"Pulling out all the stops on making me feel welcome, Kate."

"Beckett. Not Kate. If you're going to do this, and stay here, then it's Beckett. Work place."

"Right. Beckett. Noted. I don't have to call you Beckett out of work, right?"


	14. Chapter 14

**I hope everyone has had a lovely Christmas and a happy New Year. Or at least one that was better than mine. Also, cookies for you if you can guess what the film Kate and Harry are watching. I know this is short, but the next few chapters will be fairly immense, I promise.**

**Disclaimer: does anybody else understand how weird it is writing fanfic about a person called Kate WHEN YOU ARE CALLED KATE.**

* * *

><p>He waits a week before he approaches Esposito. The ex-soldier is still a little wary of him, and Castle catches him giving him a sideways look at least five times a day, but out of Ryan and him, Esposito is the one more likely to do him a favour. He waits until Beckett is away, filing away the charges against the murderer that they have just successfully caught. Angry at the prospect of her roommate leaving her to move with her boyfriend, she'd smothered her and then tied her up in the park, covered in caramel sauce and then handcuffed to a climbing frame. He'd found a lot of pleasure in making Beckett squirm with her apparent knowledge of bondage shops in New York, but now, it's over, and with the Detective out of the way, he can ask Esposito without worrying that he's going to have his head chopped off.<p>

"You want me to _what_?"

"I just want a look. I have contacts, I might be able to help!"

"Help? She shot the guy who killed her mother."

"Yes, but there's more behind it, isn't there? He was only a hired killer.

"You honestly think you could help?" Esposito is sceptical, and probably right to be, he is only a writer, after all.

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking to have a look. Just a peek. You know."

Esposito fixes him with a steely glare but Castle can tell that he's wavering slightly, and he adds his most charming grin, just to seal the deal. He's not entirely sure what it means when it works, he's never had to try it on a male before. "Fine, but if Beckett finds out that I did this, I will kick your ass so hard your mother will feel it."

He shouldn't find it quite so _frankly awesome_ to be sneaking the file out of the precinct, right from under her nose, and under all the other officers and detectives and the _Captain_. It's like his own personal Mission Impossible, and he's practically giddy with it, bouncing on the balls of his feet because he just _can't stay still. _So much so that Beckett is constantly giving him sideward's looks as they step out of the precinct. He grins back, the same grin he used on Esposito not two hours ago, only it doesn't seem to work that well on her. It's usually met with a furrowed brow and a look that wishes him the most painful death. But right now he couldn't care, is too busy with keeping his arm tucked securely around his coat, pressing the file against his chest. Maybe she's a little suspicious, but that's okay because she's going to go her way, and he's going to go his, and as soon as he's in the cab he can be gleeful and giddy and pretend to be Ethan Hunt all he wants, and she won't be there to glare at him or tell him off. He won't see her tomorrow, she's only on call, and she's hoping to go out for the morning with Harry, some mother/daughter bonding time, and she point blank refuses to tell him what. It's not like he's going to accidentally on purpose plan on going there too, just so he gets time with her. No, not at all. Besides, if she does get a murder, she'd be bringing Harry straight to him. And that means she'd have to pick her up again. And maybe if it's late then maybe he could persuade her to stay over. If he just made Harry fall asleep again… get her in a bed… she could be persuaded. He shouldn't get his hopes up, shouldn't really be working quite so hard on getting her to be around more. He doesn't even know what he wants from her, he just needs to _know_her. To get behind those walls that she's carefully built up over the years, tear them down brick by brick if he needs to. See the person who isn't NYPD Detective Kate Beckett, but just _Kate_.

* * *

><p>Harry, and her father, are already waiting at home for them when she gets back, and Kate closes the door with a quiet click and leans back against it with a sigh. Jim Beckett's head appears from the kitchen, drying his hands on a towel. "Katie, just in time. Dinner is almost ready."<p>

"You made dinner?"

"For you two, yes. I have other plans."

Kate drops her bag on the table and raises an eyebrow at her father. "Other plans?"

"Grandpa is going on a date." Harry coo's, leaning over the back of the sofa. "She's called Helen."

"We're just going to a baseball game. Nothing serious. We knew each other from AA, bumped into each other at the bank. Thought it would be nice to catch up."

"So it's not an actual _date_?" Kate questions, crosses to the sink for a glass of water. "It's just… a baseball game?"

"You don't mind, do you?" Jim asks, turning to Kate with a worried expression.

Kate laughed, wrapped her arms around her father's shoulder. "I don't mind at all. Go on, have fun. Thank you for picking Harry up, and for making dinner."

"Anytime, Katie." He kisses her cheek, ruffles Harry's hair as he passes, and is out of the door with a goodbye wave.

Kate lets Harry stay up an extra half an hour, just so she can catch the last part of a movie, and the girl is sprawled out across her, knees between her legs and head pillowed on her chest. Kate's head is pillowed on a folded arm, head tilted towards the TV screen and absent minded playing with the ends of Harry's hair, twisting them around with her fingers. She couldn't tell you what the film is actually about, something based on a book and set in England, mainly London and some tiny fishing village in a place called Cornwall, complete with some blonde youth and MI5 or 6 or 2, she doesn't know. She wouldn't normally let Harry watch this kind of movie, but it's only a PG, and Harry has seen her gun more often than not, and any concerns about the giant jellyfish were immediately vanquished when Harry claimed she wanted one as a pet. Maybe she could get the books for a birthday present. Maybe they're better than the movie.

"I want to ride a horse through London," Harry says quietly, twisting her head so she can look at Kate. "Can I go ride a horse through London?"

"If you can pay for it." Kate replies.

Harry is silent for a moment, her attention drawn momentarily back towards the TV. "What if I could just go ride a horse?"

"You want to learn how to ride?"

Harry nods eagerly. "And I want my own pony, called Frodo, and I'm going to feed it apples and sugar and I'll take really good care of it, I promise, Mommy."

"Woah, hold on, hold on. Maybe we can look into the horse riding, but there's no way we could afford to keep a horse. Where on earth would you put it?"

"He can sleep with me! I'm small! I can fit!"

Kate laughs, gives Harry's hair a tweak. "I don't think that'd work, baby. But I'll look into lessons, I promise."

Harry accepts this easily, surprisingly, drops her head down against her chest again, squeezing hard around Kate's ribs. "Not a baby."

* * *

><p>Castle uses the file to make his own storyboard, adding all the details on that he has onto it, much like the storyboard that he uses for his novels, and a lot like the murder boards at the precinct. He can't keep the file, knows that he has to have it back with Esposito as soon as is physically possible. And so what if that calls for a trip to the precinct tomorrow morning, Alexis in tow. He can call in on the way to… somewhere. He'll think of somewhere. A fun day out, just him and Alexis, with the possibility of Harry. And he supposes he has to live with that. He can't expect Kate to be around constantly, can't expect her to automatically think of her when she needs someone to look after Harry. She trusts her father and Maddie a lot more than she trusts him, that much is obvious. Plus, Castle thinks, she'd probably go to the former two just so she wouldn't have to see him because lord knows she see's enough of him as it is. Not that he thinks that, obviously. He'd quite happily spend every day with her if he could (and when did he get quite so sappy?) and oh, he is so over his head with this woman. Being a best selling author, most people would assume that he's out of a lot of people's league, but with Kate Beckett, she is way, way, <em>way<em> out of his league. And it's ridiculous, really, how he could be so completely hooked on one person. He always thought Meredith was this magical woman sent from heaven, and he worshipped her. Bought her everything that she ever wanted. And then it imploded, and it took him a while, but he knows know that what they had was never really a relationship. It wasn't love, and there was lust, oh there was a lot of lust, because he couldn't deny, and he still can't, that Meredith is _hot_ and with that fiery red hair, oh he was doomed from the start. But he never should have married her. They should have been more careful with birth control, and he loves Alexis, would do absolutely anything for her, but really, she should never have happened.


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm doing this thing where I come up with a really brilliant idea of how to carry on BUT THEN BY THE TIME I GET TIME TO WRITE THEN I'VE FORGOTTEN damnit.**

**Disclaimer: does this happen to Marlowe and Co idk**

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><p>Kate's head is pounding. This whole case is making her irritable and grumpy and it's been going on for a good four days, and the more time they waste the more time the culprit has. Or, she thinks. There's something about this case, something that is making her question the guy that they all witnessed shoot himself. With the gun that killed the two victims, it's a smoking gun, through and through. But something… just something, she just can't quite put her finger on it. It's been a day since they burst into the guy's apartment, guns drawn on the dead body by the window. And as far as the DA was concerned, that was it.<p>

"Beckett, are you still worried about that case?"

"Something doesn't make sense, Espo. I just… don't know what."

"We caught the guy!"

Beckett huffed, sat back in her chair and pressed a palm to her temple. "He shot himself. It's not the same thing."

Esposito turned around at his own desk, shaking his head. "Let it go, Beckett."

"Let what go?" Castle asked, dropping into his chair with a cheerfulness that did not put Beckett in a better mood. "You look terrible."

"Thanks." She mumbled, moving forwards to look at the report. The crime scene photos. The alibis. Everything. "This case. There's something not quite… right."

"Is that your gut speaking?" He's already moved the files towards him before she can even stop him. "Can I have a look?"

Beckett stood up and reached for the coffee mug. "You're going to whether I tell you to or not. Espo, you want some coffee?"

* * *

><p>"Whatcha lookin at?"<p>

Harry is kneeling on the stool next to his, trying to peer over his shoulder to get a look at the folders (that he accidentally on purpose ended up photocopying) he has spread out in front of him. He turns towards her, not entirely sure on Kate's rules on bringing work home, Harry looking entirely too innocent for his liking.

"Momma lets me look."

"Does she?"

She nods, stretches over his arm again. "I help her. I'm good."

"You, being a five year old, are good at helping solve murders?" he's sceptical, and amused.

"Yes! That's what mommy says. Tell me."

"I think it's time for you to get ready for bed." He closed the files, shoved them out of Harry's reach. "Go on, pyjamas."

"Do I get a bed time story?"

"If you're double quick. Go, chop chop." He holds out a hand and she takes it to jump down. She's running for the stairs before the idea even takes root in his mind, but when it does he's reaching for the files and the phone at the same time.

"Castle?"

"Kate, you were right! It wasn't Ben Conrad. Michelle Lewis had bruises on her left side, where she'd had the gun jabbed into her ribs, so Lanie said that the killer was probably left handed, right? And when we went to arrest Conrad, he had the gun in his _right_ hand. He was shot on the left side of his head. Have you ever tried to shoot yourself on the left with your right hand? It's practically impossible. The guy in the window wasn't Ben Conrad!"

"Your crazy theories can wait until tomorrow, Castle. Seriously. It's late."

"It can't wait! You've got the wrong man!"

"He's dead, Castle. He shot himself. Innocent men don't kill themselves when they're about to be arrested."

"No, but Kate – listen to me, this guy, whoever it is – he's framing him. _He's_ the one who killed him. He's the one we're after, and he's still out there and he's gunning for you-"

"And I've got my gun with me. Just let me get a few hours sleep. Please." Kate shoves the key into her front door, using it to prop herself up. She's exhausted and her headache is getting worse by the second, and she doesn't even care about the glass of wine, or the bath, she just wants to bury herself under the comforter and sleep.

"Kate, he was making a bomb. There were detonators."

"Castle, I'll be fine, okay?"

"Kate-"

And then the line goes dead.

* * *

><p>He doesn't mess around, runs up the stairs to find Harry in her pyjama bottoms but still in her top, toothbrush dangling from her mouth.<p>

"Harry, put a jumper on. We need to go see your mom."

She frowns at him, lips pursed around the brush. "Why?"

"Because, I, er…" he fumbles, already marching towards Alexis's room, "I need to ask her something. And it's important, and it can't wait. So, jumper and shoes. Now."

Harry scurries back into the bathroom, happy at the idea of staying up just that little bit more, but he's stopped paying attention. Alexis is flat out asleep, face slack against the bright purple pillows, arms wrapped tight around a giant teddy bear. He doesn't wake her, just picks her up and lets her head fall against his shoulder. Such a heavy sleeper.

Harry's at the doorway, jumper on and shoes in hand. "I'm ready."

"Good. Could you get Alexis a jumper from the drawers? Third one down." Harry runs over to the chest of drawers, counts downwards with her finger, and pulls open the drawer, grabs a random jumper and holds it up triumphantly. "Okay, good. Downstairs, come on."

* * *

><p>Castle smells the smoke before the car is even around the corner, and he sees Harry suddenly sit up and take notice. The panic twists in his gut and his breath quickens, trying as hard as he can to see as much as he can through the window. And then they're around the corner and Harry's crying out – tugging on the door handle, but it won't open, not until they've stopped. It's not long before the taxi has ground to a halt, the driver looking up in sheer disbelief. Castle shoves a handful of notes at him, already pushing the door open. Harry's gone before he can even stop her, running through the gathered crowd, pushing and shoving and he tries to follow after, muttering apologies and trying not to let Alexis bump so much. He sees now, the apartment, engulfed in flames and billowing smoke and he feels sick because <em>how could she have survived that<em>. There's a police officer, trying to stop Harry from ducking under the tape, even though Harry is screaming and crying, her cries for her mother drowning out the crackle of the flames. All around them people are falling silent, their faces forlorn.

"Harry!?"

Castle's head jerks away from the ruined apartment, relief flooding through his veins like a tidal wave as Kate steps around the side of an ambulance, bloody and bandaged but she's _alive_ and she's _walking _– Harry's pushing herself past the police officer, some kind of hidden strength surging through her muscles. She thuds into Kate, who, to her credit, manages to hide the grimace of pain reasonably well, arms wrapped around her mother's hip, head buried in her stomach. "Momma." She wails, over and over again, even after as Kate sank down onto her knees to cradle her against her chest. "Shh, baby. Shh, I'm okay. It's okay."

* * *

><p>Kate is shaking as she settles herself on Castle's couch. She'd rather she not be here at all, would rather she was in her own bed, or a bath, but Montgomery insisted, wouldn't let her come back to the precinct and finish this once and for all. It was her daughters face – and Castle's, for that matter – that changed her mind. But now – now she's tired and she wants to sleep. She needs sleep. But she can't bring herself to unclench her hands, can't stop her limbs from shaking. Castle is already herding Harry back up the stairs, uttering promises of "momma will be fine" and "she just needs some sleep". Alexis is already asleep in his arms already, though Kate thinks she was never really awake in the first place. She's exhausted, but the adrenalin running through her veins is making her want to get up and <em>run<em> but she knows that the moment she does, her muscles will be complaining a whole lot more than they are now. Sitting and fidgeting seem to be her only option. Wonderful.

"How you doing?" Castle asks, coming down the stairs, now empty handed.

"I simultaneously want to sleep and punch the hell out of a bag." She huffs, leaning backwards against the leather of the couch. "_Christ_, my apartment just blew up. What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

"You know you're welcome to stay here as long as you need."

"I don't have any of our stuff. Most of it's probably ruined. Harry's going to need new clothes, toys and we can't stay here forever-"

"Kate, honestly, whatever you need, you can have it. It's not a problem." He settled on the couch next to her, a bottle of wine and two glasses in his hand. "And right now, you need a glass of wine."

Kate accepted the offered glass with a smile, takes a long sip with a sigh. "I should have listened to you."

"Hmm, maybe." Castle hums, smirking at her. Kate rolls her head against her shoulders, trying to relieve the ache in her neck. Castle gestures for her to turn around, and Kate does, with only a raised eyebrow.

She almost groans when his fingers press into the base of her skull, tips her head forwards. Castle's fingers tip her head back up and she can feel him smiling. He shifts across her shoulders, pressing into the muscle through the thin material of her shirt. He drifts down her spine, the pressure hard against the bumps and ridges of her spine. It makes her back bow, her eyes closed. Castle's hand slips under her shirt, his fingers soft against her skin as they trace random patterns on her lower back. She doesn't think it's meant to be arousing, he is just trying to help her relax, but the touch is sending sparks skitting against her skin, fire burning in her veins.

He feels the change, though she's not sure how, and his hand slides around her hip, fingertips digging into the dip of her hipbone. She doesn't tell him to stop – even though she should, because they've done this only once before, and look what happened there – but really, it's just the thing she needs. Not him (okay, yes, him) but the chance to work herself over him until they're hot and sweaty and sated – and then – then she can fall into a slumber.

She sits up properly, sets the wine glass on the coffee table, and swings herself around so she can straddle his lap. His hands are on her hips, looking up at her with those magically blue eyes. Questioning her. This. Them. But the only answer Kate can give him, right now, is the squeeze of her thighs around his, and the press of her mouth.


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm sorry this has taken so long. However I tried to start this chapter it just wouldn't work, but I'm reasonably proud of how this chapter has turned out. I know people have asked for some Kate/Alexis interaction, and I hope this is okay for you. I like it, anyway. **

**Disclaimer: lol**

* * *

><p>It surprises him, just how soft her skin is. She's a cop, a hard exterior, grown up with an alcoholic father and a murdered mother and maybe he'd expected her to <em>feel<em> hard, but she's soft and smooth, just as she was the last time they did this. Her eyes are just as dark, unfathomable, her lips just as kissable. Her back still arches in that perfect concave arc, her waist a perfect fit for his large hands. She still bites her lower lip when he does that thing with his fingers, still digs her nails into her shoulders when he rolls his hips into hers. And he still groans when she rolls them over, scrapes her fingers down his chest, rises over him and loses them both.

* * *

><p>He wakes in the morning to find Kate pushing on his shoulder and he jerks awake (with just enough dignity to keep him from being embarrassed), eyes blinking quickly. She's half dressed, the jumper that she wore yesterday tangled around her arms. "Kate?"<p>

"Castle, I gotta go back to the precinct. They-"

"Woah, woah, Kate. Your apartment blew up. You're a mess, you can't go anywhere."

"I know, I know, but they need me. Something's happened – I wouldn't, but…"

He nods, coming to terms with the realisation that he's not going to get her to stay. "Kate, last night…"

"Castle, I don't have time right now."

"Promise me that we'll talk about this."

"Tonight. We'll talk tonight." She stares at him a moment, her eyes green in the golden morning light that's shining through his windows. He thinks she's going to say something else but instead she leans forward and presses her mouth against his. It's hard, and maybe a little bit demanding, but there's nothing they can do about it. He smiles at her, catches her wrist in his hand and runs his thumb to and fro over the skin.

"Alright, tonight."

* * *

><p>"Harry-"<p>

"We can go shopping for new clothes. Don't worry, we'll have fun."

"Castle, that's a lot of money."

"Hello… millionaire? Go on, go work." He waved her away, rolled back over into the cocoon of covers and pillows.

" I don't want new clothes," Harry sulked, "I want my own clothes back."

Castle sighed, not for the first time since taking Harry and Alexis shopping. "Harry, your clothes are burnt, and those that aren't all smell of smoke. You need new clothes."

Harry folded her arms and pushed her bottom lip out. She was standing in the middle of the door, leaving everyone to walk around her, throwing the occasional disapproving glance at Castle. "I want to go see Mommy."

"Harry-"

"I want Mommy!" she screamed, stamping her foot and screwing her face up.

Castle crouched in front of her, took her tiny hands in both of his. "Hey, Harry. Harry, look at me." She squinted at him through her tears. "How about we do a quick shop, and then when we're done, we'll go for ice cream, and you can phone mommy."

"Quick shop?"

"Yeah, couple of pairs of trousers, some t-shirts, a jumper. Really quick."

"Don't want ice cream. I want to go home."

"Double quick shop, and then home."

He sees the stubbornness set in behind Harry's eyes, the tension in her jaw. He really doesn't want to go home and have to tell Kate that he was sorry he couldn't get any new clothes for their daughter, but she absolutely insisted she could spend the rest of her life walking around in whatever clothes they could salvage from the wreck of their apartment, but then again, he doesn't want to force Harry into doing something she doesn't want to. The kids had a horrible couple of days and he doesn't want to put any more strain on her. She's only six after all. It's Alexis who saves the day. Sweet, dependable Alexis. He wants to pick her up and swing her around and kiss her on the forehead.

"I want you to have Munky Bunky." She says, holding out the stuffed animal that she insists on having with her everywhere they go. "He makes me feel better when I'm sad."

Castle lets go of Harry's hands so she can tentatively reach out for the monkey. "Thank you." She mumbles, hugging him to her chest tightly.

Alexis smiles, that sweet, disarming grin that completely melts his heart. "You ready to go, Harry?" He holds out his hands, one for her, one for Alexis. Harry wraps her fingers around his palm, her grip surprisingly tight for a six year old.

* * *

><p>It's only Alexis that greets Kate when she stumbles in through the door, maybe an hour after they'd arrived home from shopping. There's some form of sci-fi programme on the TV but the girls attention was pulled away from it by Kate's entrance.<p>

"Hey, Alexis. Daddy left you on your own?"

Alexis shook her head and pointed upstairs. "Harry's gone to bed. She's tired."

Kate nodded, understanding completely. "What about you? You okay?"

"Yeah…" she sighed, sounding a lot older than her three years.

"You sure?"

"Why is Harry sad?" she asks, sitting up on her knees. "Why does she always cry?"

"She's gone through a lot the past few weeks. Not to mention what happened last night. Give her a couple of weeks to get used to things. She'll be okay." She dropped onto the sofa next to Alexis, drew her knees up under her.

"I gave her Munky Bunky."

"Munky Bunky?"

"My toy monkey." Alexis pulls a white fluffy rabbit out from under a cushion, holds him out to Kate. "I want to take him everywhere, but sometimes Daddy doesn't let me. But Harry was upset when we went shopping, and I gave her Munky Bunky."

"That was nice of you, did it help?"

Alexis nods, holding Munky Bunky to herself. "He always helps. He's good like that."

"When I was younger, I had a teddy bear, called Humphrey. And he was the colour of honey and he had this ribbon around his neck, this lovely midnight blue covered in white stars. And I took him everywhere. I tried to take him to school with me, but I'd always get told off. I'd be told to put him in my bag, and he'd always be there when I went to go home. He came on holiday, in the car, to the grocery store."

"Did he help you when you were sad?"

"Every single time. If I had a nightmare I would get under the covers, and I'd hug Humphrey and I knew that it was okay. Everything was okay."

"I don't think I'm brave enough for that yet." Alexis admitted, stroking her hand along the monkey's tail. "I still have to get into Daddy's bed."

"Harry did at your age, too. Sometimes, she still asks me to check under her bed."

"What happened to Humphrey?"

"We moved house, when I was twelve. I packed Humphrey in a box, but he disappeared somewhere along the journey from our old apartment, to our new one. I was heartbroken. I mean, I was twelve, so I tried to play it off. It was only a teddy bear. I was a grown woman. But really, Humphrey had been there for me since I was almost a baby. It was hard pretending I didn't mind."

Alexis hugged Munky Bunky closer. "I'm never going to lose Munky Bunky. Ever."

"I hope you don't either."

"Do you miss Humphrey?"

"Sometimes, when I've had a bad day, I miss being able to curl up in bed with him."

"You've got Harry!"

"Yeah, I've got Harry. Harry gives good hugs."

* * *

><p>"Please tell me that you have the next few days off." Castle says, handing her the long anticipated glass of wine. "I don't think I can handle Harry crying any more, not when I can't do anything about it."<p>

Kate tipped her head back against the sofa, her toes curled up in her socks against the sofa cushion. "Captain Montgomery's given me a week off. He said he'll fire me if I step into the Precinct again before next week. Harry will be okay, it's just been a busy couple of weeks for her. For both of us."

Castle laughed, dropped onto the sofa next to her. "I think that's an understatement."

"Harry will be okay. She just needs some time to adjust."

"I don't think it helps when your apartment blows up, either. Christ, Kate. I was terrified. I can barely deal with Alexis's mother being so far away, let alone bringing up a kid whose mother died…"

"I'm gonna need to change my will. If anything had happened to me, Harry would have gone to my father, but now…"

"If it's easier for you, Jim can-"

"No, no. It's fine. She's your daughter. You deserve to have her." Castle regarded her with a quiet uncertainty, his brow furrowed slightly. "What?"

"Why do you trust me so much? I mean, you're a cop. A detective. Your mother was murdered… and you've known me for all of a few weeks. And yet you just… let me have your daughter. Take her on days out, you'd leave her to me. Not many people would do that."

Kate ran a finger around the rim of her glass, choosing her next words carefully. "I've known you for more than a few weeks. I mean, not like this. Not having a glass of wine on your couch. But I knew your books, know your books, even. I know it's not the same as actually knowing you, but I don't know. Maybe it felt like I did. And I knew you had Alexis. I never imagined you to be a bad person, regardless of your genre of book."

"You read my books."

"I thought you kinda knew that. You know, that day at the park."

"Well, yeah. But that's just one book. You've read them all." He smiled, took a careful sip from his own wine.

"No need to act so smug about it. They were just lying around the house, and it had only been a couple of months after my mom died, and I was… looking for something to do. Anything to just take my mind off everything. And I just… devoured them. Over and over again. In some weird way, it helped, these people in your books. They were real, they felt _real_. And they got their closure, in some form of another, and even though I didn't, and I still haven't…"

"That's why you became a cop."

"Yeah. I mean, other than it was the only chance I had of ever bringing my mother's killer to justice. I could do the same for others too. I could sympathise. I knew what it was like to be on the other side of that table." Kate props her chin on her knee, her eyes on her toes. "One day I'll get them. Just need to be patient. But anyway, this isn't what we're supposed to be talking about."

"No, no it's not. I was thinking of how to… broach the subject."

"Well, it's broached now, " said Kate, downing the rest of her wine in one mouthful. "So, talk."

"Wow, way to pile on the pressure." He laughed, followed Kate in draining his glass. "Okay, I think that we could make this work. Not just for Harry's benefit, but I think… there's something… there, and I like you, Kate. I _really_ like you, I have done since I first laid eyes on you at that bar and if I'd have known about Harry then I would have been there through it all. And if we don't work out then we don't work out, and we move on and it's fine."

Kate pulled her lower lip in between her teeth, chewed on it as she thought about what to say. "I'm not – I don't… do relationships well. I'm… too fixed on my job and my daughter, and I'm stubborn and insecure and-"

"Are you saying you don't want for us to see if this works?"

"No. No, I'm not. I'm just scared that I'm going to mess this up and I'm good at messing things up."

"There's no guarantee that you'll mess anything up. We could be amazing, for all you know."

"You really think we could be? I mean, I'm a cop, and you're a best-selling author. That doesn't make sense. _We_ don't make sense."

Castle laughed, leant forward and wrapped his arm around her wrist. He tugged until she moved towards him, ended up lying on top of him, his palms, big and safe and warm, spread across her back. "Who said anything about making sense? Lots of things don't make sense. But if things always made sense then we'd never be surprised. Trying to make sense out of things is half the fun, don't you think?"

Kate rested her head on his collarbone, closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his heartbeat underneath her ear. Castle is probably right (man, she hates admitting that), and maybe it doesn't matter if they don't make sense on paper, and maybe he'll do the seemingly impossible and take a Castle sized wrecking ball to the walls that she's built up and defended since she was nineteen.


	17. Chapter 17

**I'M SORRY I'M HOPELESS WITH UPDATES. I think the rough patch is over (hoping so, anyway), but I'm reasonably happy with this chapter, I think. Also, kudos to you if you find the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang reference.**

**Also, if you haven't tried Nutella and marshmallows on a pancake, you really should. They are like an orgasm in your mouth.**

**Disclaimer: lol I haven't been out of my pyjamas all day**

* * *

><p>"Pancakes?"<p>

"What's wrong with pancakes?" Castle defended, whisking the batter in the bowl vigorously. "Alexis, would you prefer sugar and lemon, or would you want Nutella and marshmallows?"

"Nutella and marshmallows? In pancakes? For breakfast?" Kate raised her eyebrows at him, glaring at him incredulously.

"They're yummy." Alexis laughed. "Can I have Nutella and marshmallows, please?"

"Of course, you can. Harry?"

Harry threw a careful glance at her mother, who tried to hide a smile. "Can I have… lemon and sugar?"

"You can have Nutella and marshmallows if you want, Harry. Don't let me stop you."

Castle's gaze flicked from Kate to Harry, amused, before grabbing the ladle and spooning the batter into the hot frying pan. He tilted it so the batter covered the whole of it, ran a spatula around the edges to stop it from sticking. "How about… a lemon and sugar one now, and a Nutella and marshmallow one afterwards?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah. Sugar and lemon first."

"Word beginning with P, Harry."

"Sugar and lemon first, please." Harry hissed, throwing an annoyed glance at Kate.

Castle nodded in recognition, spooned three large blobs of Nutella onto Alexis's pancake, followed by a generous sprinkling of small marshmallows before folding the pancake in half and flipping it over. "So, after breakfast, what are we going to do today?"

"Can we go to the park?"

"If that's okay with Harry and Kate, we can most definitely go to the park." Castle replied, sliding the pancake onto a waiting plate and then placing it in front of Alexis. "Buuuut, which park?"

"Central!" Harry and Alexis both shouted.

"That okay with you, Kate?"

Kate nodded. "Perfectly fine. Now hurry up with those pancakes, I'm hungry."

* * *

><p>"My Daddy likes your Mommy." Alexis said in hushed towns from where the two of them are sat on a low hanging tree branch, ice cream dripping onto their fingers.<p>

"My Mommy likes your Daddy more." Harry insisted, pulling at a tree branch. "She keeps making googly eyes at him."

"They're making googly eyes now." Alexis giggled, kicks her legs through the air.

"Do you think they'll get married?"

Alexis tilted her head to the side, looking towards the blanket where Kate and Castle are sat. Kate is flicking through a book idly, where as Castle is scribbling furiously in a notepad, his gaze, once every couple of minutes lifts up to see how the two of them are, or to watch the people around them, or to turn to Kate and say something, turning her attention to him for a few moments. "They've kissed. He has to marry her."

The two are silent for a moment, save for the crunch of the ice cream cones as they finish them off. Harry stood up, hands against the trunk of the tree to steady herself. "Have you ever been to a wedding?"

"I was in my mommy's tummy when she married Daddy."

"That doesn't count." Harry replied, wrinkling her nose and shaking her head.

"Oh… have you ever been to a wedding?"

"I've been to one of Mommy's friends. Ages ago. I don't remember very much of it." Harry answered, and tipped her head backwards towards the top of the tree. "Do you think I could climb up to the top?"

"No. And I don't think you should try."

Harry scoffed. "You're not my mommy."

"You'll fall and hurt yourself."

"I won't! I'm an expert tree climber. You should ask Mommy."

Alexis weighed up her options, looking from Alexis to Kate, and then up to the top of the tree. "I'll tell them. I'll tell them you're going to climb a tree even though it's dangerous, and-"

Harry cut her off with a loud sigh and raised her hands to grab hold of the tree branch above her. Her feet scrabbled against the bark as she hoisted herself up, but after not that long at all, Harry was sat atop the branch, looking down on Alexis with a smug grin. "_See_, I told you I can climb trees."

"I never said you couldn't!" Alexis looked away from her, arms folded. "I just think you shouldn't."

"You can't stop me." Harry continued, stood up carefully and looked around her, looking for the next foothold or handhold. "And you're far too small to chase after me."

"I am not small!" Alexis shrieked, turning her eyes towards Harry. "Daddy says I'm a big girl."

"Small, small, small, small, small!" Harry chanted gleefully. "I'm the king of the Castle, and you're the dirty rascal!

"I'm not a rascal! And you're not a Castle!"

"Alexis!" Castle called from the blanket. "Alexis stop yelling."

"Harry's being mean!" Alexis shouted back, her forehead furrowed.

"And where is Harry?" Kate asked, standing up and walking over to them.

"She's climbing the tree." Alexis muttered. "I told her not to!"

Kate placed a calming hand on Alexis's leg, gave the young girl a smile. "It's okay, Alexis. Harry knows she's not supposed to climb trees. Don't you?" Kate asked, peering upwards through the branches towards the brunette. Harry put her hands on a higher branch, feigning deafness. "Harry, you climb higher and you're grounded for a week." Instead, Harry sat on the branch and stared down at her mother stubbornly. "Alright, fine. If that's the way you want to play it. Alexis, how about we ask Daddy if he wants to go to the zoo?"

Alexis's eyes lit up and she holds her hands out to Kate so she can help her jump down. "The zoo! I wanna go to the zoo!"

"Me too. Harry, we're going to the zoo! We'll come pick you up on the way back, okay?"

Alexis still has hold of her hand and she skipped alongside Kate as they return to Castle.

"Daddy! Daddy, Kate says we're going to the zoo!"

"Ooh, I enjoy the zoo!" He nodded back towards the tree. "Harry not coming?"

"Harry is staying in the tree." Alexis giggled. "Harry doesn't want to go to the zoo."

"Oh, she'll catch up eventually. Just give her time to get back down."

"She can get back down though, right?"

Kate laughed and nods. "Yeah, she'll be fine. We'll walk slowly, give her time to catch up."

Castle pushed his notepad into his bag, looked over at the tree to find Harry's legs kicking against the tree. "You sure?"

"She's like a monkey in a tree. Believe me, she's fine."

They're barely five metres down the track before there's a yell behind them. They all stopped and turned around, watched and waited for Harry to run across the grass towards them. Kate holds her hand out towards her and Harry caught it eagerly. "I want to see the Red Pandas!"

"Why don't we get some food first?"

* * *

><p>Both Alexis and Harry are completely enamoured by the rabbits in the Children's zoo, and Castle and Kate have left them to it, sitting on a nearby bench. "They're going to want a rabbit."<p>

"They're going to have to live without one. No room for a rabbit."

"Oh, they'll try and win us round. Just you watch. We have a spare room, Daddy! We can keep him in there! We'll clean him out, promise!"

"Your apartment. Not like we live there."

"You do for the time being." Castle grinned, and it made Kate want to pinch his ear. Hard.

"Only because my apartment blew up and I haven't found a new one yet. Don't think this is anything permanent."

"Nothing permanent." He hummed. "Okay."

"Castle, I mean it. This isn't permanent."

"I know, I know, but you would stay some nights, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah, Castle. I suppose I could stay some nights." She chuckled, nudging his knee with her foot. "What were you writing in your notebook, anyway?"

"Just… notes." Kate raised an eyebrow at him, and he sighed. "Character profiles, you know. Names, likes, dislikes. Are they a butcher or a baker, or-"

"A candle stick maker?"

"Yeah. What makes them tick. It's what I do. Watch people. Make up their stories in my head. He's on his way home from a business trip, tired and dirty and smelling of planes and trains and taxi's. His wife's at home, seven months pregnant and it's their three year anniversary tomorrow and she doesn't know he's coming home." He nodded towards a guy dragging a suitcase along 6th street, back hunched and head down. "She," he said, pointing to 66th street and a woman getting in a taxi, "has just left her lover in the hotel and she's going back to her no good husband. She's too scared to leave him, but being with this other guy, it makes her feel safe. She feels loved, secure. Like she really matters to somebody. Or that woman, at fourteen she was thrown out of her house. Homeless, she never graduated school, never went to college, and now, now she's a hard working business woman with her own company, a family, who loves her children and would do anything for them. Would never think about kicking them out, no matter what they may or may not have done."

"And you do this… why?"

He laughed. "Because then I'll either kill them, turn them into murderers, or suspects. It's all about getting to know your characters. That's what makes a good novel. It's not the long words. Good characters evolve by themselves, they advance your plot. If you don't know your characters how do you know where they're supposed to go?"

"What about this new character of yours? What's she like?"

Castle shrugged. "Not sure yet. Haven't quite sussed her out yet."

Kate tipped her head back and laughed. "Wow. Way to drop a hint."

"What do you mean?!"

"That you don't know me, therefore you don't know her. You want me to spill my guts."

He shot her a lewd look from under his eyebrows, and she refrained from smacking him in the chest. "On the hand, I think I know you rather… intimately. Don't you think?"

"Just because you've seen me naked doesn't mean you know me."

"Maybe not, but I'll get there eventually. I'm very good at getting under people's skin."

Kate snorted. "Right, okay."

"I'm very good at getting under your clothes. You can't deny that."

"My inhibitions were down. It was a crappy day and _you_ got me drunk."

"Like I said, very good at getting under your clothes. And it's not like you complain when I do."

Kate bit her lip to try and hide her smile, shook her head as she stood up. "Let's go rescue those rabbits before one of them decides to smuggle one home in their jumper."

Castle followed suit, refraining from pointing out that she did just refer to his loft as home.


	18. Chapter 18

**I'M STITLL SHAKING I JUST WATCHED HUNT AND I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AND I;M IN HYSSTERICS AND SHAKING I'M SORRY THAT WAS JUST SUCH A GOOD EPISODE I SERIOSULY WHWHAT THTE SHDGHUYKLUISDF**

**DISCLAIMER; lmfaoo do yout hinreally think**

* * *

><p>"We're in the newspaper." Kate hisses, slamming the magazine down on his keyboard with more violence than he would like near his valuables. "We're in the fu-" Castle glances to the open door, where Harry and Alexis are sat playing with Lego, and then back up to Kate who hesitates slightly. "-dging newspaper." She finishes, with slightly less gusto than when she'd started out. "Castle, <em>we're<em> in the _newspaper_."

"Are Harry and Alexis pictured?"

"No, but-"

"Then they've done nothing wrong. I've said, take all the pictures of me you want. None of the kids. They've taken a picture of us sat on a bench. That's it."

"That's not the point!" Kate argues, slamming her finger down so hard on the photo of the two of them so hard a long string of s's appears along his screen. "I don't want to be in the newspaper."

"Well, you're going to have to get used to it if you're going to be dating a best-selling author."

"We are not _dating _We're just-_._"

Castle sighed, and flipped the magazine closed. "Kate-"

"What?"

"Look, if you don't want to do this, just say so now. I don't want to be someone you come to when you're feeling lonely and need somebody to screw."

Kate deflated, sank into one of his leather armchairs. "No, no, I'm sorry. I'm just… tired and … this is all new and weird. I'm not used to my… personal life being broadcast to the public. Do you ever get used to it?"

"You honestly would have thought. I try not to look for it. What you don't know can't hurt you."

Kate snorted. "I beg to differ. Can you promise that Harry won't be photographed?"

"If she is, I'll deal with it. But they know the limits, trust me."

"Right… so if we're dating… are you going to ask me out on a date?"

Castle peered over the top of his laptop at her, eyebrows raised. "You do realise that if we go on a date, people will take photos."

"Who's to say we need to somewhere public? Put the kids to bed early, cook dinner. Don't need to go out to have a date."

* * *

><p>"They asleep?" Kate asks, looking up from the saucepan to see Castle appearing from upstairs, the light dim and casting him into shadow.<p>

"Alexis is out like a light, Harry probably won't take long to follow. Keeps asking questions about why we're going to bed so early." he smiles, walking around the counter until he's standing directly behind her.

Kate laughed, and dropped some parsley in the sauce. "I'll tell her when she's older. Can you keep on eye on this? I want to go get changed."

"You know, you don't have to get changed. I don't care what you're wearing. And you're apartment blew up. I'm not expecting ball gowns and heels."

Kate rolled her eyes and swatted him with a tea towel. "If this is a date, then I'm doing it properly. Now shove."

He lets her go, but not before catching her around the waist and pinning her to the side of the counter. Kate looks up at him expectantly, trying not to let her gaze flick down to his mouth (though looking in his eyes is really not much better, so blue, _so dark_ and wide and full of arousal) and then she's not quite sure who made the first move but his mouth is on hers and it's warm and hot and _oh_, who cares about food and clothes and the fact she was in a newspaper when she could just drag him into the bedroom and not let him out-

"Go get changed, Kate."

She blinks up at him, angry at herself for being in some form of a daze. "Don't let the sauce burn."

"The sauce is safe. Go on, shoo."

He watches her as she crosses the room, disappears into his room like she's been living here for the past year. She's made use of his kitchen, has already made herself completely at home. And he'd be more than happy to let her take over every inch of his loft if it means he just gets to keep her. Ugh. He's such a hopeless sappy romantic idiot who is in far over his head. When was the last time he'd be completely willing to follow her around like a new born puppy? Jackie, maybe, in second grade. Or there was Hannah, that first year of college. And he had absolutely not a stinking chance in hell with them (not at the time, anyway. Now would be a completely different story), but Kate's here. Kate's here, and she's trying, and she appreciates him for _him_. Not for his money, she doesn't want the fame, and she actually likes his books. Yeah, he's had women who pretends to be interested in what he does, but they're more interested in the book parties that they bring, the connections. And then when they realise that he's not really into the party scene they up and leave. But not Kate. Kate would rather cook a home-made meal and spend the rest of the evening with blankets and movies and popcorn fights.

"You wanna go lay the table?"

Castle turns, finds Kate standing close behind him. "You're wearing the exact same thing as you were before." He frowns, looking up and down at her.

She grinned, pushed him out of the way with her hip. "That's what you think."

"You're a minx." He gasps, tugging at the waistband of her trousers, as if he could get just a little sneak at what she's wearing underneath.

"I won't be if you don't get the table laid."

* * *

><p>This is so ridiculously domestic. So ridiculously and hopelessly and pathetically domestic and it's scaring her that it's <em>not scaring her.<em> She's sat having a _dinner date_ with _Richard Castle_ and her daughter is upstairs, asleep in her bed in her own room in his loft, and they're probably going to have ridiculously hot sex after this, and she doesn't have to be in work tomorrow, or the day after, or even the day after that, and ohh, she's looking forward to it. No doubt Castle will have plans for them, family outings that will excite Harry and Alexis and annoy her because he's spending such an outlandish amount of money on them all. No spoiling, her left buttock. When they're finished and she's trying to get the pots to the sink so she can at least start on the washing up, but Castle takes them from her and dumps them in the sink, soaks them in water and then drags her to the bedroom. She laughs at his impatience, crowds against his back and tugs at his belt buckle with her free hand.

"Kate-"

"Yeah, Castle?" she hums against his shoulder, fingers tracing down the zipper of his jeans. "You want something?"

"I – I'm…"

Kate slithered around until she was facing him, her fingers hooked into his belt hoops. "Are you sure you're a best-selling author, Castle? You seem a little lost for words."

He nodded his head dumbly, his thumbs digging into the hollows of her hip bones. Trying to push her backwards through his study, but Kate resists, using that hidden strength that constantly surprises him to stay glued to the floor.

"Kate- beds - the bed is in the other direction."

"What… if… I don't want the bed? What if I want to do it right now, in your office? Hot, and _naked_, right on your desk." She pushed her hips into his, raising up on her tip toes to catch his lip between hers.

"Then I would have to say … that I am not going to complain. Though if Alexis or Harry come down and find us, I am putting all the blame on you." He mumbles against her mouth, pulling her backwards. "I don't want my children scarred for life."

"Then you'd better make it quick, shouldn't you?"

* * *

><p>Kate's half asleep, letting Castle write letters and words and love notes on the bare skin of her back. She could care, probably, but she can't bring herself to turn over and make him stop. He's been quiet for the past ten minutes, a miracle in itself, and part of her thinks she should ask him what's on his mind.<p>

"Castle?" He hums in recognition, but doesn't stop making shapes on her skin. "What are you thinking about?"

"I – nothing. Not thinking of anything."

Kate twisted herself around until she was facing him, his arm heavy around her waist. "You do know that's the quickest way to let me know you're lying, right?"

Castle let out a breathy laugh, flopped his head down onto the pillow. "Yeah, I know. But if I told you what I was really thinking you'd freak out on me."

"Really?"

"Yeah, you really would."

Kate propped herself up on her elbow, regarding him carefully. "You're not asking me to marry you, right?"

Castle laughed, loudly. "No. No, I'm not asking you to marry me."

"There's a but."

"A very nice butt." replied Castle, smirking at her.

Kate smacked him lightly in the chest before rolling sideways to lie on her back. "Just ask me, and I will try not to freak out on you. But I'm not promising anything."

"Come on holiday with me." He blurted out. "To the Hamptons, I mean. You've got the rest of the week off, Alexis isn't busy, and I'm sure Harry wouldn't mind escaping pre-school, and it'll be just like you two staying here, only we're not… here."

Kate stared at him for a moment before closing her eyes and laughing. "Jeez, Castle. I thought you were gonna ask something completely ridiculous."

"You're… not going to freak out?"

"No, I am not going to freak out. And Harry and I would love to come to the Hamptons with you and Alexis. But there will be no skinny dipping. I mean it. None whatsoever."

Castle huffed. "You have an excellent way of ruining all of my fun."


	19. Chapter 19

**I keep getting rude reviews. It makes me feel loved. Bless humanity.**

**Disclaimer: I just want to run my hands through Patrick Dempsey's hair.**

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><p>"Castle, this is…"<p>

"Magnificent? Majestic? Stunning?"

"It's big." Kate laughed, closing the car door behind her. "It's… this is huge. How the heck do you afford something like that?"

"I am a millionaire. You know that."

"Yeah, I know, but this place? How much did that set you back?"

Castle pulls open the two back passenger doors, reaches in to unclip Alexis's seat. "Few million. But it was so worth it. Right on the sea, swimming pool, huge garden. Not that crowded. And just wait until you see the bedroom."

"Do I get my own bedroom?" Harry asks, running around the outside of the car and towards the front porch.

"Harry, that's not the kind of question you ask as soon as you get here." Kate admonishes, catching hold of Harry's collar and stopping her in her tracks. "I don't think it matters if you have your own room or not. Alexis and you can share easily enough."

"It's fine, Kate." Castle interrupts, pulling suitcases out of the trunk. "Plenty of spare rooms. She can take her pick."

"That's not the point I was trying to make." Kate replies, narrowing her eyes at him. "And we're not even here for a week, why have you bought so much stuff?"

"It helps to be prepared! My keys are in my front pocket. You want to dig them out?"

She rolls her eyes at him. "You just want me to feel you up."

"No, I don't." he replies, the twinkle in his eyes completely belaying his words. "It's just a bonus. A very lovely bonus. It's the one with the duck attached to it."

"The duck? Seriously?"

"What's wrong with ducks? It's a cute duck."

Kate digs her hands in the pocket of his trousers, wriggles her fingers more than necessary in wrapping her fingers around the keys. She's probably pressed far too close to be entirely innocent, and she's not going to pretend that her heart didn't beat that tiny bit faster when his eyes flicked down to her mouth and back up. She could kiss him, she could press herself against him and drive him crazy, but Harry is already making gagging noises at them behind her back. Castle grins, nudges her away with his hip. "Go on, make yourself at home. I'll be there in a few."

Alexis and Harry are both crowding her as she makes her way up to the front door, the former talking nineteen to the dozen about the swimming pool and the next door neighbour's dog, and the kids that visit every summer and they live two doors down, and how their Daddy keeps saying her and their youngest son are going to get married. Harry snorts, tells them both that she is never ever going to be married. Boys are stupid, apparently. Kate pushes open the door and let's Harry and Alexis in ahead of her. He hears Castle huffing behind her and turns around to help him. Really, he didn't need to being that much stuff. Alexis and Harry have already disappeared, she doesn't know where to but she can hear loud talking and footsteps. Somewhere upstairs. Harry wants her room.

"You know…" Castle murmurs, dropping the suitcase in the hall and, "we could let them explore. Harry will want to pick her room… Alexis probably wants to talk to her about absolutely everything. We could… go make the most of it."

"You can go make the most of it on your own. _I_ want to go and look around."

"Start with the bedroom first?"

"Stop trying to get me naked."

"I'm not going to try to stop getting you naked. I like you naked. I like you very much when you're naked."

"You can get me naked when Harry and Alexis are fast asleep and we aren't in danger of getting disturbed." She turns around and kisses him, pulls back before he can even take it further. "Later. I promise."

"Okay. Later. Go on, you explore. I'll take your stuff upstairs. Wine is in the kitchen, if you want it."

"It's not even two in the afternoon!" she says over her shoulder, heading towards the kitchen.

"It's six o'clock somewhere!" He calls back, turning back towards the suitcases. "And get me one! Please!"

* * *

><p>"So, Harry, have you chosen a bedroom yet?"<p>

Harry nods eagerly, skewers a meatball viciously. "It has a balcony. And one of the walls are blue, and bed is really good for bouncing-"

"A balcony? Harry, I don't-"

"There's a key in the door," Castle assures her, "I'll lock it and hide it. I do the same for Alexis. And when they're ten, they can have the key back providing I can trust them with it. That's the deal we have."

"No balcony until they're ten?"

"All of the windows they want, no balcony until they're ten. You've got nothing to be worried about."

Kate didn't look at all convinced, but the look on Harry's face stops her voicing her concerns. Just a balcony. Can't even get onto it. It's fine. Harry is fine. They are all fine. "So, after dinner, I vote we go for a walk along the beach. How about we find the rope swing? Have a few goes, watch the sunset, and then we'll come back, have some hot chocolate and then we'll go to bed. Sound nice?"

"Can we take Buster with us?"

"I suppose we can always ask." Castle grins. "Why don't you guys get ready, and I will go across and I will ask the Palmers if we can borrow him for a while."

Alexis and Harry are pushing away their plates before he has even finished speaking. "Buster?"

"Next doors dog. He's a Labrador, and the Palmers aren't exactly young and athletic. Alexis is completely besotted with him, and we try to take him out a couple of times when we're here."

"She want her own?"

"Oh, we both want our own dog. But maybe when she's older, more responsible. But, in the meantime, Buster is a suitable alternative."

"I think Harry would like a dog. Maybe a cat. Something she can look after."

"You ever have a pet?"

"Do evil hamsters count? I had one when I was seven, called Derek. With both parents being lawyers it was hard to have anything that involved proper care. He was the cutest looking thing, but inside he was dark and twisty and messed up." Kate shuddered with the memories. "Seriously, never ever get a hamster. Or a gerbil."

"I will never get a hamster, or a gerbil, no matter how many times they ask. And that, is the best thing about being a writer. Apart from the book signings and the touring and the meetings and book launches, my time can be spent walking dogs and providing whatever care cats need."

"Instead of actually writing, you mean?"

"More time I spend looking after a dog or a cat means less time bugging you at work." Castle replies, leaning over into her personal space as he stands up.

"I'll help you pick one out."

* * *

><p>"Mom, can we take Alexis and Daddy up to the cabin?" Harry questions, swinging their joined hands through the air as they meander slowly down the sand.<p>

"We could do, if they wanted to. You'd have to share a room with Alexis, though."

"Yeah, but I get to show her the lake, and the rope swing that Granddad build over the river, and the floating dock, and the boat! I want to show Alexis and Daddy the boat!"

"Well, why don't we go up in the summer? That way we can go out in the boat, and Alexis and you can swim to your heart's content."

"Will Granddad come to?"

"We can ask him." Kate replies, tugging Harry's hat down over her eyes. "He might want to let us have the place to ourselves."

"But it's fun when Granddad comes with us! He teaches us all the stuff about the woods and the lakes, and he does that funny thing with the coin."

"I can do the coin thing! And I know things about woods. You don't need Granddad to tell you that."

"But Granddad makes it interesting." Harry whines.

"I will ask Granddad. Okay?"

Harry nods, and then runs ahead to catch up with Alexis who, despite her father's instructions to not go anywhere near the ocean, is jumping up and down in the shallow waves. Kate lets her go, doesn't really mind if she gets her trousers or shoes wet. Instead, she walks up to Castle who has been playing fetch with Buster for the past ten minutes.

"This place… is amazing. Like, really, kind of amazing." She says quietly, leaning into his side and taking his hand.

"It is, isn't it? Sometimes I think about moving out here. It's beautiful, and it would be such a good place for Alexis to grow up."

"Why don't you?"

"Work, mainly. Trying to get to meetings and parties and all that would be a pain in the ass. And I've got to think about Harry, and you. But I like to try and get out here when I can. Breath of fresh air. The smell of the ocean, the sunset. Nice change from New York."

"I haven't seen a sunset like this in months. Years."

"Well, I am very glad that I get to show you a sunset." He reaches down to scratch Buster behind the ear, kicks the stick across the sand. Buster chases it happily, a black shadow against the yellow of the sand. "The ones in winter are amazing. The clouds are all black and thick, the sky is purple. It's stormy, and powerful and beautiful." He's silent for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. "Reminds me of you."

"Me? How am I a sunset?"

"A winter sunset. You're like this… amazing woman, and you're complicated, and you're just oozing this powerful aura, and your eyes, your eyes go from light to dark and back to light and they're so temperamental. It's amazing."

"I'm oozing?"

"It's a compliment, Kate. And of all the things I said, you have to concentrate on oozing?"

"Oozing is a ridiculous word. It does not sound like a compliment. At all. You're a best-selling author, surely you could pick something better than that."

Castle puts his hands on his hips and tips his head backwards. "Dripping? Discharging? Dribbling? Exuding? Issuing, oh, or leaking? Take your pick."

"How about something a little more romantic. Something that doesn't remind me of open sores and pus." Kate grimaced, squeezing her eyes shut and sticking her tongue out.

"For someone who deals with dead bodies for a living, you are awfully squeamish."

* * *

><p>Castle has sent Alexis and Harry to get into pyjamas, has kept Kate out on the back porch for a few more moments. Or maybe it's her keeping him out. Can't quite draw herself away from the view in front of her. Castle is crowded at her back, his fingers grazing her waist. She should probably go and check that Harry is doing as she's told, and not messing around. Oh, If only it was that easy to tear herself away from all of this.<p>

"You're not freaking out, are you?"

"No. No, why would I be freaking out? This place is…"

"It's not too much? For a first family holiday?"

"It's just the Hamptons, Castle. It's not like we're getting on a plane and flying to Beijing, or Rome, or somewhere completely foreign. Just the Hamptons." She turns around in his arms, wraps her arms around his waist and leans against him, breathing him in, the scent of ocean and sand and that underlying smell of just _him_. "This is nice. No freaking out. I promise."

"Good, because I am planning on many, many more family holidays."

"Just remember that I am not as flexible with holidays and days off like you."

"I know, I know. But I heard Harry talking about the cabin. Your father's cabin?"

Kate laughed. "Yeah, she wants to show Alexis absolutely everything. The boat, the lake, the rope swing that my Granddad built. And she wants Granddad to come with us, so he can tell them about the woods and all the little animals. She thinks the summer, which I'm thinking too because it's seriously cold up there in the winter. The lake is cold regardless of seasons, but still. It's nice."

"So, we go up to the cabin the next time?"

"With my father? Seriously?"

"Hey, I like your father."

Kate raised an eyebrow at him. "You like him? You don't know him."

"I have met him, though. Seemed like a decent guy."

"For now. It's…"

"You don't trust him?"

"It's not that I don't trust him. I mean, he's sober. He is. But anything could happen, my mom's case could come up again and I don't know how close he is to the edge, I don't know if it could just throw him off."

"You think it could happen?" Castle asks, cautiously. "Your mother's case?"

"I don't know, Castle. Technically, the case is closed. Technically. Even though I know it's not, even though I know her killer is still out there. Whoever it is, they're out there, living their life while my mother is buried in the ground."

"You could get him. Her. Them."

"No. No, Castle, I can't. It's too – my father, he's not the only one on this knife edge. With him, it's the drinking, for me, it's a rabbit hole. I get too close and I fall down. I get lost. It took me years to get out of it, years of therapy. And it scares me. I can't afford for this to come up again, not with Harry. So no, I can't get him. I won't. I refuse to."


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: my tooth is cutting into my gum and it hurts**

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><p>He's not nervous. He's not, because the file is hidden away from any prying eyes and no one can find it. Not Kate, not Harry and not Alexis. It's safe. And he's not looking into it, he's not. It's just … history. He's looking into Kate's history because she's his girlfriend, and he's writing a book with a character about her and he needs to know things about her. He's not looking into her mother's murder. He's not pushing her into it, he's not taking her anywhere near the edge of any rabbit hole. But? What if he could? What if he could use his knowledge, his sources, maybe he could do something? But he has no idea how he can bring it up. Has no idea how he can possibly say that he wants to help her solve the biggest burden that she has when she's all but said that she doesn't want anything to do with it. And she looks happy. Right now, with the sea breeze lifting her hair up from her shoulders and her eyes framed in sunlight, she looks happy and contented and he's loathe to be the one to ruin that for her.<p>

"Castle, you look kinda dazed. You okay?"

He startles, looks down at her to find her looking at him, amusement sparkling in her eyes. "I – yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking." He smiles at her, trying to assure her that he is okay. He's more than okay. She agreed to come on holiday with him, and she's not freaking out, or acting strange and he couldn't be more thankful.

"About?"

"Nothing. Just… nothing. Come on, if we don't go soon then Harry and Alexis are going to be causing chaos inside. And it's cold, and I want a shower. A nice warm two personed shower."

"It sounds nice. But, are you okay with sorting them out? I want to stay out here, watch the sunset for a while."

"Yeah, it's fine. It's fine, don't worry about it." He presses his mouth to the side of her neck, soft and warm against her skin. "I'll see you in a bit."

* * *

><p>"Mom? Mommy?"<p>

Kate's eyes open, finds Harry's eyes looking back at her. "Hey, you. Can't sleep?"

"Bed feels weird. It's too… big. Too much space."

"You want to come in this bed? Plenty of room for three."

"Is Daddy awake?"

"No, Daddy's asleep. Not a lot will wake your Daddy up." She shuffles backwards, forcing Castle to roll away. "He'll be asleep until morning. Come on, cuddles with mommy."

Harry rolls onto the bed, lets Kate wrap her arm around her shoulders and pull her in closer. "Can I stay the night?"

"I'll wait until you fall asleep and then I'll carry you back to your bed. Can't stay here all night."

"Until I fall asleep."

"Until you fall asleep." She strokes a hand over Harry's forehead, smoothes her hair away from her skin. "You enjoy today?"

"Yeah! I like Buster. And the rope swing. And tomorrow, I want to go swimming!"

"Bedtime voice, Harry. In the swimming pool, or the sea? Cos both of them are going to be cold. You'll be cold. Freezing cold."

"Alexis says that the swimming pool is heated. We can go swimming, right?" Harry's eyes are eager and bright in the darkness, looking up at her. "We brought my swimming costume. I could."

"We'll see what Daddy says, okay? He might have something planned for tomorrow. But we'll be able to go swimming one day, I promise."

There's more silence, and Kate starts to hope that maybe she's drifting off until Harry speaks up again. "Don't tell Alexis I came in here. I said I didn't come get in bed with you when I had a nightmare."

"You didn't have a nightmare. It's okay for something to feel strange, you know? Getting used to a new bed, and a new place, it's hard. You shouldn't be afraid to ask for help. You're only five, and I'm not expecting you to handle everything life throws at you."

"Do you ask Granddaddy for help?"

"If I need to. He helped me a lot when you were a baby, and you know he takes you off my hands when I'm particularly busy with work, or whether I just need a couple of hours to myself. And he spoils you rotten."

"He lets me go through photo albums. Pictures of you when you were a kid."

"You are the spitting image of me when I was your age, you know? Though you are a lot like your dad personality wise. Quite a lot like your Dad."

Harry sits up and peers over at the sleeping form of Castle, squinting at him in the darkness. "How am I like Daddy?"

"Well, you like to talk, and question everything. Why does that happen, what's this, how is that the way that it is. And your imagination. You come up with all these magical stories, re-make the world around you. I mean, I could never do that. But you see little animals as world saving super-heroes, and a space ship out of an old cardboard box. You make new worlds out of ordinary places, far off planets. And everyone is a completely different alien. Do you know how hard some people would find that?"

"Daddy doesn't think of aliens." Harry muses, leaning over Kate's hip so she can stare at him. "Daddy likes books about real people."

"Your father thinks of aliens plenty. Believe me. But come on, we're supposed to be sleeping."

"Where did you go?" Castle mumbles into her shoulder when she slides back into bed.

Kate turns over and burrows into him, tries to regain the warmth she'd lost by taking Harry back to her bed. "Harry came in. Waited until she fell asleep and took her back."

"She okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. Not used to a new bed. She'll be okay."

"You were talking about me."

"_Harry_ was talking about you. She wanted to know what she got from you. She knows she's got my looks, everybody knows that, but she doesn't know about everything else."

"I hope you weren't making me out to be the worse person in the world. Because, really, I'm not. I'm really quite nice. And handsome. And devilishly charming-"

"You also eavesdrop."

"It's not my fault if you happen to have a conversation less than a metre away from me." Castle rolled them over, waited until Kate had her hips cradling his before leaning down to kiss her. "Harry and you are very loud talkers."

"No talking about our daughter when we're in this position, please."

"I'd rather you didn't talk full stop, but I know how much that's not going to happen." Castle teases, nudging at her cheek with his nose so he can get access to the smooth skin of her neck. "I bet you can't stay quiet."

"I'll stay quiet if you let me go back to sleep," Kate yawned, even as she wrapped an arm around his neck to keep him closer, "and if you're not going to then I'm going to be as loud as I want."

"You're very lucky that we are on the other side of the house to Alexis and Harry. I don't want my children scarred for life."

* * *

><p>The morning brings brilliant sunshine and surprising warmth, and Harry spends breakfast staring at her imploringly, completely ignoring her breakfast no matter how many times she's prompted to eat it. In the end, she has to give up because it seems to be the only way to get her to actually eat something. She's still chewing her last bite of toast as she runs towards the stairs to find her swim suit, her footsteps like a stampede of elephants up the stairs.<p>

"She really doesn't want to miss out on the swimming pool." Kate answers, almost laughing at the questioning looks of both Castle and Alexis. "Kept bugging me last night, and I said if the weather was nice then she could have a swim."

"You do know it's heated, right? Don't need to wait for nice weather."

"Yeah, I know. But I don't want my daughter catching her death of cold because she wants to go swimming in the middle of _winter_."

"Yeah, but it's _almost _Spring. And the pool is covered. She'll be fine. Alexis, do you want to go swimming?"

Alexis nods eagerly, hurriedly scrapes the last of her cereal into her mouth and then pushes herself away from the table eagerly. The glass of juice almost falls, but Castle reaches out with a hand and saves it. Alexis almost looks guilty, but he smiles and jerks his head towards the staircase and it's with a brilliant smile that Alexis hurries away.

"She's got her mother's looks." Castle muses, watching her go.

"She's going to grow up to be a heart breaker."

"Harry too."

"Harry is going to grow up to be the spitting replica of me. I can see it coming. The amount of grief I gave my mother, this is karma. Complete and utter karma. I'm so screwed."

Castle grins, drains the glass of juice in one. "Really not to mention the fact she's got my genes mixed in there too."

Kate put her head in her hands and groans. "This is going to be horrible."


	21. Chapter 21

**Not particularly happy with this chapter, and I could probably make it longer but I wanted the next chapter to be the fallout of this one. Yeah, anyway. Next chapter will, I hope, be better.**

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><p>"There's not a lot I can say," Dr. Clark Murray says with a sigh, flipping through the file one last time, "not that you don't already know, but around the same time of this murder, there were three more. Another lawyer, and two graduate students. No one put them together, no one made the match. But… having looked at all four cases, I can't deny that there's something tying them together."<p>

Castle leans forward in his chair eagerly, hands gripping the arm rests. "Like what?"

"I'm just a doctor, Mr. Castle. You know that."

"But it's not random gang violence? There's something – it was something bigger?"

"Well, it certainly looks that way. But I'd leave it at that. You, are a writer and not a cop and whatever has got you hooked on this case is better left alone. Getting messed up in this will do you no good."

"What if I told the NYPD? I know people."

"People being the cop whose mother this is? I don't think the NYPD have any hope in doing this. If they've had four people murdered, if they can afford to do that, and they've stayed hidden for the past twelve years what hope in hell do you think they have?"

"You don't know them." Castle defended, arranging the folder back into a respectable pile. "They could. We just need a lead."

Murray stood up with a shake of his head. "You're not going to get any leads. The case has been dead for years."

"Except she killed the guy. I mean, not the guy. Not whoever it is that's behind all of this, but the guy who they hired to do the killing. She killed him. Isn't that a lead?"

"Not when the guy is dead. Dead men don't tell you who hired him. Not twelve years ago, at least. They aren't that stupid. Names are changed, banks are emptied and paper trails are long sine extinct. Trust me, Castle. You're better off forgetting all off this. Put it away."

"I can't." Castle admits, sitting back into his chair. "You know I can't just stop, not when something's dragged me in."

"And I am giving you some friendly advice," Murray reiterates, picking up his jacket and slinging it over his arm, "stay away. This is not worth you risking your life over. If she doesn't want you to look into it then you don't look into it."

* * *

><p>"My Daddy is a fire-fighter," Ellie Maguire smiles, looking across at the class with her hands clasped smugly behind her back. "And he saves cats, and cuts people out of cars, and puts out fires, and he has this yellow helmet and he rides around in a big red truck and sometimes he lets me come with him, and I have my own helmet. It even has my name on it. But I'm not allowed to help him when he has to do dangerous things."<p>

The class burst into polite applause, though none of them are at all interested in what Ellie has to say, mainly because they hear the stories of how William Maguire did this and how William Maguire did that whenever Ellie has the opportunity to talk about it. Personally, Harry has had enough of fire and firemen for a lifetime.

"I want to tell you about my Daddy." All eyes turn to her, surprise in every one of them because it seems that everyone knew about her supposed lack of a father figure in her life, even though she can't remember ever mentioning it.

Miss Ford smiles and gestures for her to stand up and Harry brushes off the invisible dust from her jeans and stands up. She remembers the last time she was up here, and for once all eyes were looking at her like she was amazing. Of course, she could pretend that they thought she was amazing and clever and all kinds of cool, but she knows it was just because she was talking about her mother. But Harry will take what she can get. "Go on, Harry. The floor is yours."

"My Daddy writes books. He murders somebody, and then he makes somebody find out who did it. Like my Mommy does, only she doesn't do the murdering. She just finds out who did it."

"Is that how they met?"

"No." Harry says with a firm nod. "I don't know how they met. But I met him in a park, and I recognised him from the back of one of her books."

"Do we know who he is?"

"Richard Castle. And he has a daughter, called Alexis, and she's two years younger than me. I like her. One time, we went to the park and we found a dormouse, he was called Dexter and I wanted to keep him but mommy said we had to take him back to where we found him because he had a home, just like I did, and I wouldn't like it if someone took me from my house-"

Jason interrupts her with a hand flung up in the air. "My Dad buys my mom those books. She says he's ruggedly handsome."

"Your Daddy isn't _Richard Castle_." Emily scoffs, folding her arms. "You don't have a Daddy. Everybody knows that."

"_Emily_." Miss Ford warns, fixing the girl with an unusually stern glare. "Carry on, Harry."

"Um, well, when our apartment blew up last week-"

"That was your apartment?" Emily shrieks, sitting up on her knees. "My Daddy-"

"Emily, let Harry talk."

"When our apartment blew up he worked it out, and he took me shopping to go and get some new clothes because mine smelt of smoke. Oh, and he took us to the aquarium and he bought me this giant seal, and last week he took us all to the Hamptons. Like, the house is right on the beach and we walked along during the sunset and we found a rope swing! And then the next day we went swimming in the swimming pool. He has a swimming pool! And I got to pick my own room, and it's blue and it has a balcony. And the next time we go away we're going to go to my Granddaddy's cabin, and I'm going to show Alexis the lake, and the boat and I get to share my room which most people wouldn't be happy with because no one ever likes sharing, but I like sharing because I don't get to share with anyone and I think it's nice."

* * *

><p>"I brought you lunch!" Castle says, with far too much cheer as he drops the brown paper bag on her desk, right on top of her files. "I didn't think you'd eaten, and if you have that's fine because I'm starving." He drops into the chair, pulls the bag towards him and pulls out a Tupperware box full of what looks like chicken and pasta and baby spinach. "Do you want coffee? I want coffee."<p>

He's up again and heading for the break room before she can even reply. "Castle, we need forks."

"They're in my bag," He calls over his shoulder, "just root around in there, they'll be somewhere." It's not until he's past Esposito's desk that he remembers, realises his mistake and doubles back. "Kate – wait-"

But it's too late, her fingers have already found the edges of the folder, has pulled it out before he can even get to her desk. It's stupid. He's stupid. He should never have bought it with him, should have kept the forks in the brown bag because now this has … this is going to blow up in his face.

"Castle…" He winces at the sound of her voice, that calm and measured tone that he's used to in interrogation rooms, the underlying anger at the culprit that is so subtle you almost don't pick up on it. And he's so not used to hearing it directed it at him. "Castle, why is my mother's murder file in your bag?"

"I was – it was – I was just trying to help. I wanted to know what happened. I thought I could help. I have connections and I thought-"

"You thought? Castle, I have told you – I told you – I didn't want to do this. I didn't want anything to do with this, not anymore. You didn't have the right to get this file, you didn't have the right to stick your nose in my private life! I know you think you _might_ think that your nose thinks it has a home in my life, I can understand why you might think that way, but you are wrong."

"Kate, I wasn't – I was going to drop it. That's why I bought it with me. I don't know what you do with unwanted files – it's just a copy and I didn't want to leave it just lying around at home. And I know you didn't want to do anything so I'm not going to do anything. I mean, I want to. I want to help, and I think I could. I have connections and information, and I could help. But you don't want me to, so there you go. I am giving you the file back."

"I want you gone."

"What?"

Kate pushes the Tupperware away from her and towards him. "I want you gone. Out of the precinct, I want you to go back to your loft and I want you to put all of my clothes in a suitcase and leave them by the door. Harry's too."

"You can't take Harry. I won't let you."

"You do not get to tell me what I can and cannot do with my daughter. You do not get to play that card, not now."

"She's my daughter too! "

"You know what, I'm not doing this now. Just go, go and we'll talk later. Can you pick Harry up? I won't be home in time."

"Yeah, yeah I can… pick her up. Kate, just-"

"Castle, _go home_."


	22. Chapter 22

**I MANAGED TO WRITE THIS IN ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AREN'T I AWESOME. Man, I need a drink.**

**Disclaimer: I can't find my Godzilla DVD HOW IS A GIANT LIZARD SO EASY TO LOSE**

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><p>He spends the rest of the day distracting himself from the inevitable by setting up a giant obstacle course in the loft. And then it's a good three hours of pretending the floor is lava and that he's a giant lava breathing shark, jumping up from between chairs and from under tables, grabbing the nearest leg and pulling them into his clutches. Providing, of course, they don't wallop him around the head with cushions first. It's more often than not he gets hit, but sometimes he manages to tackle them into a bear hug, pretends to fight with them before letting them get away again. It serves its purpose, and just for a while he can forget that he's probably going to be single by the time the night is over, and he's probably going to be minus one daughter too. The two girls haven't sensed that anything is troubling him, hasn't cottoned onto why he's making it harder for Harry to get away from him. How does he know how much longer he's even going to be able to hold her, to make her pancakes in the morning, to sit with her at bedtime and make up stories with giants and trolls and (yucky) princess and (even more yucky) princes, talking mice and giant dogs who you can ride. He doesn't want to give that up. He doesn't want to give Harry up, and he doesn't want to give Kate up, if only she'd just <em>listen<em> to him. Understand why he did what he did. He wasn't trying to hurt her. He wasn't trying to keep anything from her. He just wanted to help.

* * *

><p>How many evenings has she spent down here? Too many to count. It's probably bad, a psychiatrist would probably say something about unresolved anger issues, but she's only shooting paper targets into shreds because if she shoots the actual cause of her anger she'd be in prison for an awfully long time. Damn criminal justice system. Damn Richard Castle. Damn everything. Damn it all to hell. How could he be so stupid? She told him. She told him that she didn't want to go anywhere near this. It was a rabbit hole she was all too familiar with, all too scared of. She was close enough as it was, shooting the guy who physically drove the knife into her mother. Too close. It was too close and she has to get out before it can pull her back in. Why couldn't he see that? Why did he have to insist on sticking his nose in everything? Just wanted to help. She snorts. What a load of bullshit. He wants back story for his books. He wants to get to know her because he needs it for his books. He doesn't want to help her. He just wants to help his pay check.<p>

* * *

><p>"Will Mommy be home soon?" Harry asks him, pulling the plate of lamb chops towards her. "I want to save some for her. She loves lamb chops."<p>

"Yeah, yeah. Mommy will be home soon." Though he wishes she won't be, wishes she'll be held up at work with paperwork and chasing people and interrogations so then at least he can pretend that everything's okay. Except everything is far from okay. "We'll save her some food."

"Can I stay up and wait for her?"

"No. Teatime, then bedtime. You know the drill," he looks up, just in time for Harry's lower lip to start wobbling, "and no crocodile tears, Harry. They won't work."

"But, I-"

"No buts and no I's. Do you want ice cream for pudding?" Harry nods sullenly, pushes her potatoes around her plate. "Then you won't complain. Now, eat up."

Harry stares at him for a moment, her mother's defiance in her eyes (god, she's so much like her mother) but he stares her down until she returns her attention to her food. Alexis is watching all of this with a look of startled amusement, her eyes flicking back and forth between the two. It's not until Castle casts a glance at her that she too busies herself with her food. He hasn't put any food on his plate (how could he eat?), and even if he did have food to eat he doesn't think he'd be able to keep it down. The only time he has ever felt this nervous is waiting in the hospital for Alexis to be born, waiting and wondering about his little girl.

* * *

><p>Alexis is quiet as he takes them to bed, and he suspects that maybe she's cottoned onto something being wrong. She hugs him, arms tight around his neck, her hair tickling the bottom of his chin. And she goes to bed, good as gold. No questions, no can you read this just one more time. Yeah, she knows. Harry is altogether different. She barely communicates, only changes into her pyjamas after multiple threats and even then it takes her ten minutes just to get undressed. But, he's never one for sulking (though some would see he's a very good sulk when he puts his mind to it), doesn't believe for one second that it will get you anywhere. No matter how long Harry sits on her bedroom floor moaning about how she can't get her trousers on, or how her top is too tight, he's not falling for it. He's not against picking her up and forcibly getting her into bed. Last night in her bed. This bed. God, he's going to miss her. Stubbornness and all.<p>

He wants a drink. He needs a drink. Harry is stomping around as loud as she can with bare feet, rioting against him, but she can riot against him all she wants. As long as she doesn't leave her room. But he needs a drink. And he can't have a drink, he can't do this with Kate if he doesn't have a clear head. And if he has one drink, he's going to have another. And then he'll a hopeless blubbering mess begging and praying that she'll stay. So, instead he stares at a blank word document, hoping that words and sentences will flood from his brain and through his fingers and he can spend however long it is until Kate gets here immersing himself in how own make believe world. He's there for an hour, fingers tapping against the keys but never actually writing anything, until there's a knock on the door.

He waits a few moments, steadying himself for the oncoming storm. He's seen Beckett in interrogations. He's seen her when she's got her teeth properly into something. She doesn't let go. Only she's going to get her teeth into him, and then let him go and leave him to bleed out all over the floor. Metaphorically. She certainly looks like she wants to put a bullet through his skull when he eventually pulls open the door. Mercifully, he thinks Harry has finally settled down. She hasn't come racing downstairs at least.

"Kate-"

"I'm not taking Harry from you." She cuts in, and she can't even look at him anymore. "But I'm doing that for Harry, not for you. She needs you."

"Kate-" he tries again, tries to reach out for her but she jerks away.

"But this, what we have, whatever the hell it is. It's over. The precinct, this. It's done."

"Kate, please. Will you just listen? I was dropping it. I _was_, you have to believe me. But then I found something and it might help. You could get the guy-"

"I don't want to get the guy, Castle. That's what you don't understand. Do I have to write it out for you? It's a rabbit hole. This whole… case. It's a rabbit hole, and I am too close to it. I am too close to it, Castle, and the closer I get to it the harder it is to get out. I killed the man who killed her. I killed him, and that terrifies me. What do you think actually going after the guy who was actually behind her death will do to me? It took me years of therapy to get out of that damn thing in the first place, and I have to think about my family. I have a family. My daughter needs me, my father needs me. I can't abandon them."

"But, Kate. The stuff I found-"

"It's not about the damn stuff!" she yells, her finger jabbing him hard in the chest. "It's the fact you went behind my back and did it anyway. That's what I'm angry about. I don't care about what you found. You can find out the name of the damn bastard who organised it all, and I still wouldn't do anything. But you knew, you _knew_ how I felt about this and you still hid it from me."

"Right, cos I'm the only one who's hidden stuff here. Because this is completely different from say, oh, hiding a _child_ for six years. Obviously."

Kate looks like she's all but ready to punch him, her fists clenched, but she turns away from him before she can do any damage. "This is not – don't bring Harry into this."

"So this is all about how I'm the bad guy? Bollocks, Kate. Absolute bollocks. If we're talking about hiding things, then I am bringing up Harry. She's my daughter. _Mine_. I had a right to know."

"Yeah, and how was I supposed to bring that up? Walk up to you at a book signing with a newborn going here, this is your daughter? Phone up your publishers and sweet talk them into giving me your address? What was I _supposed _ to do? If you were any other guy, fine. But you're _Richard Castle_. You're famous. Your life is all over page six, and I didn't want that for my daughter. I didn't want her life to be dogged by questions about her parents one night stand, about how she was a mistake. I want her to feel loved, Castle."

"You don't think… I love her, Kate. If you think that I would let her life be splashed all over newspapers and magazines, then… Jesus, Kate. How could you think that little of me?"

"I'm not questioning whether you love her. I know you love her. That's not the issue. And we're done discussing it. I am getting my daughter, and I am going to stay at my dad's until I can get us a new apartment."

"She's asleep." Castle argues, moving forward as if he means to block her way up the stairs. "Just, stay in the spare bedroom. Please, Kate."

"Don't argue with me on this, Castle. Harry will fall asleep quick enough. She'll be fine." She's moving towards the stairs with purpose, and he wants to reach out and stop her. Just to stop her and make her _think_, but he's not stupid. She'd hurt him.

"All her clothes are here," he begs, taking one step forward for ever step she takes back. "You can't pack them all up tonight."

"I'm not. I'll get them another day." She answers, barely registering him as he follows her blindly up the stairs. "She has some spare clothes at my Dad's place. She can survive in those for the time being."

He sags at the top of the stairs, exhausted and worn out he's succumbed to the idea that Kate really is going. She's going in there and waking their daughter up and taking her away from him. She said she wouldn't keep her from him, and he believes her, he does, because she loves Harry and she's doing it for her. But how long is she going to keep her away? A week? A month? He doesn't want to be kept hopelessly waiting. Not with Alexis asking where she's gone, everybody in the building has bumped into Kate and Harry at some point, and they'll be asking questions too. If only she'd just…

She's back again, Harry on one hip, half dozing as she pulls herself out of slumber. He wants to reach out and push strands of loose hair behind her ear, to tell her that he's sorry he was mean and didn't let her stay up, that the next time he'll let her stay up as long as she wants. But they're already down the stairs and Kate is already picking up her bag, and there's words stuck in his throat and all he can manage is a feebly croaked _goodbye_ before the door is closing behind them.


	23. Chapter 23

**This chapter just did not want to work, so I'm sorry about the wait. And I could have made it longer and had them talk, but I was getting frustrated and I just wanted this chapter out. of. the. way.**

**And now it is.**

**So yay!**

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><p>He doesn't sleep. Alexis came downstairs crying, maybe half an hour after Kate and Harry have left. He'd hoped he hadn't woken her with their arguing, or Kate getting Harry out of her bed, but she comes down in floods of tears and nothing he says can calm her down. In the end, he just carries her into his bed, holds her until she falls asleep. And now she's hiccupping in her sleep, flat out against his chest, and he daren't go to sleep. He doesn't know why, Alexis has cried herself out, and he could put her down on the bed and tuck her in and she won't wake up. But he doesn't want her to be even that far away from him. It's pathetic, really. He always thought that Kate could be a mother for Alexis. His daughter has no mother figure. Nobody permanent, anyway. His mother loves Harry, and Harry loves his mother, except… his mother is eccentric and crazy and really he's not entirely convinced she's the perfect role model. And it's not like her mother is going to be around for any important amount of time, turns up when she wants to, usually when she wants something, but he doesn't want Alexis to pin all her hopes and dreams on a mother at a birthday party. Except, with Kate, she would have come to birthday parties, and trips out, and school performances, she'd have never let her down. And now he's messed it up. He's completely … ruined every chance he ever had. He's good at ruining things.<p>

* * *

><p>"You're disappointed in me."<p>

Jim Beckett sighs and throws the dish cloth in the sink. "I'm not disappointed. I just think you're doing this for the wrong reasons."

"The wrong reasons?"

"You say you did this for Harry, and I can understand that, I really can, yet you took her out of that apartment, with her own room and are currently making her share a sofa bed with her mother. I don't think that's particularly favourable for a five year old."

"I'm looking for a place," Kate bristled, setting the pile of clean plates in the cupboard, "we won't be here for long."

"That wasn't the point I was trying to make." Jim replies, raising an eyebrow at her. "Are you sure taking her away from there was the right choice?"

"Right, cos you're all about making the right choices, aren't you?" Kate objects, turning to her father with eyes blazing.

Jim sags against the counter, looking at her with sorrow in his eyes. "Katie…"

"Sorry, that was…" she sighs, ran a hand over her tired features. "I didn't mean it. And I'm not stopping him from seeing her. I told him I wasn't going to just take her away completely."

He looks like he doesn't particularly believe her (and maybe he's probably right not to), but he lets it slide. He knows better than to argue with her if she's in this kind of mood. Just like her mother. Stubborn and hard headed. "You need to stop being so defensive, Katie. I know it's easier in your line of work to block everything out, but if you keep doing it… it's not going to end well. Believe me."

"But, Dad-"

"He looked into Johanna's murder even though you told him not to, yes. But he apologised. And he's letting it go. He cares about you, and he cares about Harry. And I know that you care about him, as much as you pretend you don't. And you can't go through life pretending that all Harry needs is you. You're an excellent mother, there's no denying that, but she needs a father figure, and not Javi or Kevin. I love those boys, and they love her, but they're not who she needs. She needs her father. Stop pushing everyone away Not everyone is a murderer, not everyone is going to hurt you."

"No, but people get hurt. If I don't…"

"Everybody gets hurt, Katie. No matter what job they're in. Death and pain are a natural part of life, you know that. You shouldn't let this get in the way of you having a happy life."

"I wasn't!" she insists, pushing away from the counter. "I was trying, Dad. I was. But he said he'd found something. Beyond the person who physically killed them, I mean. There was this whole… conspiracy. Still is. There's somebody big hiding behind this. Someone untouchable, someone with power. And I don't want to do this, Dad. I really, really don't. It terrifies me how close I am to this, and I can't risk falling back into that rabbit hole. Not with Harry."

"You don't have to. It's been eleven years. You've let it go once, you can do it again. You're stronger than you think you are, and Rick can help you with that. He's good for you, and he's good for Harry, too." He gives her a pointed look, one that Kate has no trouble understanding. "Just think about it. I'm going to bed. Goodnight, sweetheart."

Kate presses a kiss to his cheek, her hand lingering on his shoulder as he passes. "Night, Dad."

* * *

><p>Kate can't sleep at first. It's not for lack of trying, nor a lack of wanting to sleep. She does it all, relaxes her breathing, closes her eyes. Counts sheep. But nothing. Harry is flat out next to her, mouth open slightly, hands thrown above her head. Carefree, and innocent. What would she give to be that age again? No need to worry about death and murder and jobs and bills and children and irritating writers who don't do as their told… where the worst imaginable pain is that of a skinned knee or elbow. But whether she actually wants to admit it, her father is probably right. Maybe she does make rash decisions, doesn't think things through. Puts herself first before everyone else, even her daughter. And she thinks she's doing the right thing, for her, for them. And it's easy to pretend that as a five year old it's her mother's decision, that her knowledge as an adult means her choices are what's best. But, really, that's a load of crap. She makes crap decisions. It's two am in the morning. How crap a decision would it be to phone Castle right now? Would he be awake? Would he even want to talk? Tomorrow. She can take Harry, and they can talk.<p>

She turns over onto her side, strokes a finger down Harry's nose. The girl is completely under, doesn't even move. She could phone him. Just to see. She reaches for her phone, unlocks it, and stares at his number. Maybe if she sent him a message. She drops her phone with a huff, presses the heels of her palms into her eyes. Ridiculous. She's being ridiculous. She needs to apologise, she knows that. She over-reacted, she didn't listen to what he said. But she did listen to her father. She knows she has walls. Very strong, very heavily defended walls. Not a lot can get through them if she doesn't let them, she doesn't do emotions. She can't really remember a time Harry saw her cry, when she saw her as anything but strong. She always thought it was better that way, to teach Harry that it's easier to pretend you don't care than show your weaknesses. But maybe that's not it. Maybe the clue to a happy life, is knowing you have weaknesses and finding some way to turn them into strengths. Using them to make you _more_. But she doesn't even know how to do that. How is she supposed to help her daughter do that too?

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><p>It's early. It's ridiculously early and she'd got Harry into the car before the sun had barely left the horizon. She hopes she's not in, not up, doesn't answer the door and she can just go back to the car and get Harry back in her seat and go back to her fathers. Except she can't. No more running away. It had taken five hours of lying in bed, watching the room grow lighter and lighter, talking to herself, words of encouragement, threats, more encouragement before she'd finally convinced herself that she could actually do this. Apologise. Except, now she's here… she's terrified. Harry's confused, of course she is, she took her away in the middle of the night, made her stay a couple of days at her granddads and now she's bringing her back. She doesn't blame her for being confused. Even more so when they're both just standing outside Castle's front door, and they haven't even knocked yet. She should knock. And she would knock, she would have knocked, only Harry had beaten her to it.<p>

The door opens, and it's Alexis, who looks subdued and miserable. At least until she sees Harry. And then she's pulling the older girl in through the door with the biggest smile Kate has ever seen. Castle looks up from the table as they walk in, and she can't quite read his facial expression. She dumps Harry's bags on the counter, takes a deep breath, and turns around.


	24. Chapter 24

**GUESS WHO'S FINALLY UPDATING WOW IT'S ME. I'm so sorry this has taken this long. Things have come up, and health reasons have got in the way and other fics had to be done and this had to be put on a back burner. BUT IT'S BACK. And yay and stuff.**

**Forgive me for my lack of knowledge about American private schools. Or do you call them public schools. I don't know. You get what I'm on about anyway.**

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><p>"We need to talk." She blurts it out, unsure of how to handle this. "I mean, you don't have to. You probably deserve to tell me to leave, and you can. You can tell me to go and swear at me and I won't fight back. I won't retaliate."<p>

He's looking at her, contemplative, head tilted slightly. "Was that a long winded apology without actually saying sorry?" he asks, and maybe there's a slight twitch at the corner of his mouth.

"Um, yes. I was going to say sorry. If you'd let me, if we'd talk, but I am sorry, Castle. I really am. You were only helping, trying to help and I just put the defences up and ran away. I wasn't listening, not properly. You said you were going to drop it, and it didn't matter to me, and it should have done. I shouldn't have yelled at you the way I did, or left. And I'm sorry."

"You want to join us for some breakfast? We're having waffles."

"I already… we ate. Before. I, if – Harry might want some." He's taken her completely by surprise. She expected anger, maybe yelling. Not the offer of waffles.

"I want waffles!" Harry shrieks, running into the back of Kate's legs. "Waffles and strawberries and cream and chocolate sauce-"

"We have maple syrup. Will that do?"

Harry nods eagerly and practically runs to the table, dragging a clean plate towards her as she jumps up onto a chair. "Castle…"

"What, did you expect me to rant and rave about how ridiculous you were being? You apologised, Kate. That's all that matters. Now, are you sure I can't tempt you to some waffles? They are very nice. And I want to have my breakfast before Harry steals all of them."

Kate finds herself letting out a sigh of relief. She's not entirely sure where this leaves them, whether they're just going to be pick up where they left off, whether what they had (and she's not even sure what it was they had) has been effectively ruined. "Maybe I'll have half a waffle."

"You can't just have half a waffle, Kate. You have to have the whole thing; otherwise the other half will be all miserable. You don't wanna make the waffle miserable, do you?"

She could argue. She could, because really she's not at all hungry. She wasn't particularly in the mood for breakfast this morning either, too stressed over today and Harry and him and everything, but if he's taken her apology this easily, if that's all it took, she doesn't want to take it for granted. "Alright," she gives in with a smile, "one waffle. But don't drown it in syrup."

He does drown it in syrup.

She refrains from rolling her eyes.

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><p>She's just about to step out of the door, bag and coat on her arm, when Castle catches her by the elbow. She's already two hours late as it is (one waffle turned into two, and then Alexis simply had to show her this thing and Harry simply <em>had<em> to have a go)."I want to start looking around schools today. With Harry." Castle suggests, looking at her hesitantly over his own plate of three waffles. "It's late in the school year, for private school admissions, but we might strike lucky. People withdraw their applications all the time, lack of money and all that."

"You want … today? Could you not do it tomorrow?"

"I've got business meetings all day tomorrow. I'd wait, but… those free places are going to go pretty fast if we don't get a foot in the door."

"And by foot in the door, you mean…"

"A generous donation from an interested client. Famous writer, Kate. They'd lap it up. I'm not saying I'll enrol her right this instant. I just want to get a look at what the options are. I want her to have the best."

"I know, Castle. I do too. But I want to be there too. She's my daughter."

"I'll bring back prospectuses. I'll get them to phone you. Just… let use have a look. It won't do any harm, really."

"Alright, alright. But you're not making any decisions without me. You're not enrolling her anywhere without my vote."

"Understood."

* * *

><p>"Beckett, you're late."<p>

Kate winces at the disappointed tone of her captain, sits down at her desk and pulls the pile of paperwork towards her. "Sorry, family… issues."

"Everything okay?"

Trust Montgomery to go from disappointed to concerned in the space of nought point three seconds. "Yeah, everything's fine. Just needed to sort something out."

Montgomery nods once and disappears back into his office, leaving Kate with her files. Esposito and Ryan haven't appeared yet, no doubt they're off canvassing or talking to someone, or arresting somebody else for murder. And she's stuck here doing phone records and bank records. Damn waffles. She shouldn't have stayed.

"Yo, Beckett. Where've you been?"

"Sorry, needed to do something. What've we got?"

The male detective grins, gestures behind him to where Ryan is leading a middle aged man in an aging business suit towards the holding cells. "We got Michael Hull."

"Are you serious?"

"One hundred percent. He was trying to fly out of JFK."

"Excellent. Get a confession out of him. Let's see if we can wrap this up before lunchtime."

"You sure? You're the one who pieced the whole story together. It should be your collar."

Beckett shook her head, tapped the files in front of her. "Maybe if I'd been on time I'd take you up on the deal. But you earned it, fair and square."

At that point in time, her phone rings and Esposito moves away with a nod of his head, a universal sign. Thank you. "Detective Beckett."

"Miss Beckett? It's Mrs Raynor, from Trinity School. I had a phone call from a Mr. Richard Castle, talking about enrolling your daughter in September? He gave me your number, just so I could pass the information onto you."

"Oh! Oh, right. I hadn't realised he'd … arranged anything already. I thought… he was talking about private schools, I thought all the admissions were closed."

"_Technically_ they are. They've been over for a while and everyone who had been offered a place had accepted. However a couple of people have had to withdraw, leaving us with a couple of spaces free. Normally they'd go to people who were initially turned down, but taking into account the generous donation Mr. Castle has graciously given us, we thought it only fair that we offer your daughter a place."

"That's very kind of you, Mrs Raynor, and I'm sure you're school exceeds expectations, but I'd rather see the school myself before thinking about enrolling Harry in anything."

"We completely understand. We can arrange a tour of the school for you, Mr. Castle and your daughter in the next week, if that would suit? It gives you a chance to get to know the school, and it gives Harry, did you say her name was? A chance to meet her teachers."

"That sounds great. I don't have the most stable of work schedules and I can't guarantee I won't have to cancel, but I'm off on Friday. Or I should be."

"Would ten am be okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds fine."

"Excellent. Just call into reception a few minutes before hand and someone will meet you and show you around. Would you like me to ring Mr. Castle and tell him?"

"No, no it's fine, thank you. I'll tell him later."

"Excellent. I look forward to hearing from you!"

"Yes, thank you."

Kate hangs up and stares at the phone for a few seconds. Castle got that fast. They haven't even met Harry, or her or him, have no idea what kind of family they are beyond the fact that he's an international best selling author. And if that's all it takes to get a child into a private school… hm, the rich really do have it easy.

* * *

><p>Her cell phone buzzes against the wood of her desk, one vibration. A message.<p>

_Dinner tonight?_

Castle. She'll be home well in time for dinner, providing they don't get another body drop. It's almost three. Only two more hours of paperwork, and then she's free to go. Home. She just referred to the loft as home. But it's not home. Not really. She just stayed there for a few days until she had the time to search for another apartment. And now her and Castle have made up… she supposes, she's back there again. No good forcing themselves on her father. So, is it home, considering she'll be there for the foreseeable future? Maybe.

_If we don't get a body, sure._

_You get my body instead, detective. Definite bonus._

_I think your definition of bonus differs a lot to mine, writer._

_As a writer, I like to think my definitions of words tend to overrule those whose professions are somewhat different to mine. I am the one with the words, remember._

_And I'm the one with the handcuffs and the gun._

_Kinky. 6pm. Be there or be square._

She's almost glad that they're back to this. The easy going banter, the flirting. It's like they never stopped, like they could just pretend the argument never happened, that she never stormed out and didn't come grovelling back three days later.

"Hey, Beckett. Why are you so happy about paperwork?" Ryan calls to her from his desk, looking at her with a knowing glint in his eye.

She smiles at him demurely before sliding her cell into her bag, out of sight. Out of mind. No more flirtatious, dirty minded texts from a man you're not even sure you're still seeing. Though you probably are. Because you like him and he likes you, and really, you don't think you'd be able to keep your hands off of him, even if you tried.


	25. Chapter 25

**I am sorry. I'm having issues with this at the minute and I have so much other stuff to write, including a multi-chapter birthday fic which is no-where near ready and I've been so ridiculously busy recently that it's just hard to try and find time to actually sit down and work out how the heck I'm going to write this. But I'm getting there, I'll get past this block eventually. But, in the mean time, thank you for being patient and lovely. It means a lot 3**

**It's a short chapter, I know. The next one will be longer, I promise!**

**Disclaimer: if you spot the Doctor Who reference I will send you cookies**

* * *

><p>"Alright, Castle. Out with it." He's been staring at her all evening, and she knows that he's been swallowing down all the words and sentences and paragraphs that he's dying to tell her. "Castle, if you're angry at me, just say it. No point hiding it."<p>

"No, I'm not angry. I'm … not. You apologised, and that's okay. But… we should talk. Really, there's a lot of stuff we should talk about. And not just what happened in the past couple of days. There's… so much and I think we should just get it out in the open now."

She knew it was coming. If she had any sort of courage when it came to relationship issues she'd have broached it before, but she hasn't. She keeps things bottled up and hopes that over time they'll resolve themselves. They rarely do, and she never learns. But at least Castle has the audacity to do it for her. "Yeah. Yeah, we… do."

"I don't know where you want to go from here. Or if you want to go anywhere from here. Kate, you know I want to make this work. But if we just keep having arguments and you keep storming out this isn't going to work and I'm not going to waste my time, and not only my emotions but Alexis' too."

"I know, I know. I want to make this work, Castle. I do. I just don't know how. For six years it's been me and Harry and I've never needed anyone other than my father, and it just… it takes some time to get used to it. I never really thought about how my actions affect other people, and now they do, and occasionally they're not the best and I pay the price for them-"

"Kate, you've said all of this before. Or some version of it."

"I don't know what you want me to say!" she retaliates, trying to stop the anger coursing through her veins. "I messed up. I know that. But you did too, in some way. And we both said sorry. And I don't know what you want me to say. I really don't. I can say I'll try. I'll try and be better for you and for Alexis, for Harry too, but I don't know how, Castle."

"You don't need to be better for Harry, Kate. You're the best mother she could ever ask for." He sits down next to her and reaches for her hand. "Honestly, I'm not asking you for everything. I just want to know that you're in this. Like, really, properly actually in this. Not just because you think that it means Harry has a more permanent father figure. Take Harry out of the equation, just for this. I want you to be doing this because _you_ want to. For _you_."

Kate looks down at his hand, lay flat on the leather of the sofa. All she has to do is just… reach out and place her hand on top. All she has to do, really. Can she? He's looking at her expectant and hopeful and maybe a little bit impatient, and maybe this means more to him than it does to her, maybe he has higher expectations and bigger dreams but she finds that she doesn't want to be the one who breaks them. Not his, and especially not Alexis'. He's good for Harry, and he's good for her and she'd be a fool to let that go. So, she puts her hand on top of his and finds that she can't stop herself from smiling.

* * *

><p>It's an oddly romantic evening after that. Castle pours them both some wine and searches his way through his vast DVD collection and comes up with some suggestions that she has to turn down. She doesn't want sappy romantic comedy's that are so ridiculously cliché it makes her nauseous. It seems Castle is rather happy with that too, considering he then gets ridiculous excited and promptly puts some indie film on. Something about zombies and the end of the world. Zombies. She can live with zombies.<p>

"This is my favourite movie about zombies, ever." He says, giddy as a child when he returns to the sofa and sits down heavily next to her, pulls her into his side like they've been doing this for years. "Actually, I think it's in my top five movies of all time."

"This better be good, Castle."

"_Zombies_, Kate. Anything with zombies is bound to be good."

"Setting yourself up for a fall there. This better be good."

"You are going to love it. I one hundred percent promise."

The film, in all honesty, is terrible. The acting is poor, the story is a shambles and Kate's starting to think that she'd be better off with one of the rom com's after all. The only thing marginally decent about it is the zombie get up. And yet, Castle, it seems, is completely in love. He's completely enthralled. "Castle…" He hums recognition, barely turns her head towards her. "No offence, or anything, but this is terrible."

"Really?"

"Really. Seriously, you like this?"

"It gets better, honestly. Just, trust me on this."

She raises her eyebrows at him, but eventually gives him the benefit of the doubt and settles back into the crook of his arm. When had he put that around her shoulders? "Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you purposefully put a bad movie on just so you can try and seduce me?"

"Kate, I am offended. As if I would do such a thing." She can see the sparkle in his eyes, the amusement at her having only just figured his plan out. "Why, is it working?"

"I wouldn't call an arm around the shoulder a seduction technique. That's kind of child's play."

"Is that a challenge?" She feels the familiar tug in her gut at his words, doesn't miss the way his eyes darken, and if she looks carefully the pulse point in his neck has sped up. He may be the one attempting to do the seducing, but he's just as wound up as she is going to be. "Kate, if you don't want to…"

"Whoever gave you the idea that I didn't want to?" she smirks, tugging on his collar and making him fall into her. "All you had to do was ask."

* * *

><p>"I was thinking of joining you at the precinct today?" Castle asks her, walking out of the bathroom and tugging at the collar of his dress shirt.<p>

"Don't you have Alexis?" Kate replies, pulling a brush through her hair. Last night's memories are a little bit hazy, but apparently it was physical enough to turn her hair into a tangled mess that resembles a birds nest.

"She's spending the day with my mother. She's kind of a character, but Alexis loves her. Well, I love her too, obviously. She's my mother. But she's kind of… an acquired taste."

"Does she know about Harry?"

"No, not yet. I thought about inviting her over for dinner. Kind of family get together, introduce everyone. I don't want to just… spring it on her. At least, not over the phone."

"Right – yeah, it sounds nice."

He chuckles and tugs at her wrist so he can wrap his arms around her. "She'll love you both, okay? Harry's completely enchanting and you're just… you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"Kate asks cautiously, pulling away from him so she can carry on trying to get ready for work.

"Nothing bad. She just loves new people, and really, as long as you're not my ex-wife then you're already perfect in her eyes."

"Thanks… I think."

He presses a hurried kiss to her cheek. "Good. I'll arrange something. I'm going to take Harry to school, and then drop Alexis off, I'll meet you at the precinct?"

"You do know it's just paperwork, right? I'm not doing anything remotely interesting."

"Au contraire, my dear detective. Paperwork can be very interesting." He flashes her a grin and then he's gone again, calling out to Harry and Alexis to get their shoes on. And then he's back again, sticking his head around the door jamb. "Don't go looking for spoilers. I will know if you do."

"Castle-"

"And don't go through my drawers. Or my closet."

"Castle, I've got to go to work in twenty minutes. I don't have time to rifle through your personal belongings looking for spoilers. Or your porn stash."

"I don't-" he splutters, looking only marginally offended. "Katherine Beckett, I do not have a porn stash!"


	26. Chapter 26

**SO MUCH TO WRITE AND SO LITTLE TIME TO WRITE IT IN.**

* * *

><p>She holds his hand. They're walking around a school, and he's got Alexis' hand in one, and Kate has her own slim fingers curled around his larger ones. He's surprised, really. It's not that he doesn't believe her when she says she wants this, and them, but he didn't think she was up for public displays of affection. But here she is, with the head mistress of this school, talking and asking questions and holding his hand. Like they're an actual family. Harry seems a little shy at first, preferring to hide behind Kate's legs for the first few minutes but Mrs Raynor seems to be an expert at getting children out of their shells and it's not long at all before Harry is listening to her with rapt attention, walking along beside her and leaving the other three to walk along behind.<p>

They're shown a general tour of the school first, the canteen, the library, the separate playgrounds for the different age groups. And then there's the auditorium, the music rooms, even a dance studio which if it hadn't been taken up by a group of juniors, Harry would no doubt have done some form of dancing in. Though she had wanted to join in, had even got a wink and a smile from one of the boys. Even days later, even though she didn't know his name, Harry would constantly talk about him.

But then they're shown to the kindergarten classroom, and although Harry had been more than confident when it was just them, had talked and chatted and quizzed, and yet, now, faced with a room full of children her age she shrinks back, fumbles for Kate's free hand. About twenty pairs of eyes turn to them as they walk in through the door, and one of them, a male with square glasses and a bow tie turns from the group of children and walks towards them. "Everyone say hello to Mrs Raynor."

There's a mis-matched chorus of _hello Mrs Raynor_ from the other nineteen people in the classroom, and by the time it's finished, the young teacher has reached them. "I thought we'd had all our intake for next year."

"Oh, a few cancellations, you know."

"As expected." he smiles, and then crouches down so he's at Harry's eye level, "Hello. I'm Mr. Pepper. What's your name?" Harry shrinks behind Kate's leg some more, and would hide all the way behind her if Kate didn't have a hand on her back. "Don't you know your own name? Oh, I think I'll just have to make up my own name. What… about… Rumplestiltskin?" Harry remains stubbornly silent. "Ooh, not Rumplestiltskin? Okay, what about… Voldemort? No? Oh, you're a hard one to name. What about Frodo?"

"I'm not a Hobbit!" Harry exclaims suddenly. "Hobbits are small, and I'm not small!"

"Ohh, not a Hobbit? So, you must have a human name, then?"

"Harry." She mumbles. "I'm Harry."

"Well, it's very nice to meet you Harry. Do you want to have a look around? We're in the middle of talking about our favourite books. Do you want to tell us about yours?"

"… I don't know what my favourite book is."

"What about the one we're reading at the minute, Harry." Kate says, looking down at her daughter with a smile. "You've had that one read to you about five times."

"The Twits!"

"Oh, Roald Dahl! He's one of my favourite writers too. Why don't you come and tell us about that book while your parents have a word with Mrs Raynor."

Harry looks uncertain but she takes a step around her mother's legs and moves towards the carpet and the patiently waiting children that haven't taken their eyes off of them since they first stepped in through the door. And then, of course, Harry is in her element. As nervous as she had been, her natural ability to work a crowd soon takes over.

"So, Harry. Why do you like The Twits?"

"I like that it teaches you not to be mean."

"And how does it do that?"

"Well, Mr and Mrs Twit are always so horrible to each other, and then they're always grumpy and grouchy and they argue all the time. They're married, and when you're married you're supposed to love each other. They're just horrible people, and I think if we were just nicer to everybody we would be a lot happier."

"And that's why you like it so much?"

Harry gives a coy little smile, something that her father echoes because he knows what she's going to say. "I like the tricks they play on each other too. My favourites are when Mr. Twit made it look like Mrs. Twit is shrinking, and then when they glued all the furniture to the ceiling. They make me laugh."

"But you wouldn't do that in real life, right?"

"No, cos Mommy's scary when she gets angry, and she's a cop so she knows how to get angry, and she's good at catching the bad guys so she'd catch me too."

"And what about Daddy? What does he do?"

"Daddy writes things. He has a lot of books, but he says I'm not allowed to read them until I'm a lot older because there's bad things in them. But Mommy likes reading them. She reads them all the time, even when she's in the bath-"

"Harry, they're not after your life history. Or mine, for that matter." Kate calls across the room, leaving her daughter looking a little sheepish.

"I also like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The Oompa Loompas are funny, and I like chocolate. And Matilda, too. I want to have her super powers, but my Mommy and Daddy love me too much."

Mr. Pepper tilts his head to the side. "Why do you say that?"

"Her parents didn't love her. She had to learn to fend for herself in a world that hated her. So she learnt how to deal with it with magic. But my parents love me, and they help and they care and the world doesn't hate me, so I can't learn magic. Unless, when I'm eleven, I get to go to Hogwarts. And I hope I do because I like magic, and I like castles."

"So, you like Harry Potter too?"

"But my favourite is Hermione. She's the brightest witch of her age, and without her, Harry and Ron would have been stuck."

"Is that why you call yourself Harry? Because of Harry Potter?"

"No, I just don't like my actual name. But I like sharing a name with a wizard. That's cool."

* * *

><p>"So, Harry, how do you like it?"<p>

"I liked it!" Alexis crows from her car seat, kicking her feet against the upholstery. "I want to go! Daddy, can I go to school, please?"

"You're too _young_ to go to school," Harry reprimands her, folding her arms and glaring at her from the other side of the car, "and it's my school, not yours."

"So you liked it, then?"

"I liked Mr. Pepper! He wears a bow tie, and bow ties are cool."

"No, they're not." Alexis scoffs, folding her arms in a perfect imitation of her sister. "I think they're silly."

"The Doctor doesn't think so," Harry retaliates, twisting around in her seat, "and the Doctor is better than you. He has a time machine, and he's an _alien_ and you're just human."

"Well, you're just human too."

"I am half superhero. Superheroes catch the bad guys, and that's what Mommy does too. She's a superhero, and I am half of Mommy."

"Daaaaaaaaaaad," Alexis whines, "is Harry half superhero?"

"If she wants to be half superhero, then why shouldn't she be?"

"Well, I'm a full superhero then." Alexis argues back, her blue eyes flashing angrily. "Full superheroes are better than half superheroes!"

"That's not true! That's like saying Hermione wasn't a better person than Ron because she's a Muggle-born witch! Just because you're full-blood doesn't make you better. I could be a better superhero than you, and I'm older, so I know more _anyway-"_

"Harry," Kate warns from the front passenger seat, "that's enough."

"But-"

"Harry, no arguing. If you both want to be superheroes then you can both be superheroes. Neither of you are better or worse than each other. Now, maybe if you can be nice to each other we can have something nice for dessert tonight."

"Actually…" Castle interrupts, "I was thinking of taking us all out for dinner. You know, kind of family dinner. Just us four. But, we're not going unless you behave. And that means getting on with each other. No arguing."

"Fridays! Daddy, can we go to Fridays?"

"Daddy, can we go to Fridays…"

"Please? Please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease."

Kate turns her head to look out of the window, trying to hide her amused smile. "Harry, what do you think about Fridays?"

* * *

><p>"They're going to sleep like logs tonight." Kate murmurs, tilting her head to rest on Castle's shoulder.<p>

"I don't think they're the only ones." Castle laughs, peering over Kate to glance at Harry. "I might be able to carry Alexis and Harry, but I don't think I'm strong enough for you too."

She's slumped against Kate's free side, Alexis an almost perfect mirror on the other side of Castle. It's true, Kate does feel completely wiped out and would love nothing more than just rolling into bed and not coming out until late tomorrow morning. Of course, with Harry and Alexis she doesn't think she has a cat in hells chance of having a lay in. Harry will be talking about school, and Mr. Pepper and the dancing boy, and Alexis will be putting her two cents in and talking about when she's going to school, and her favourite books and her favourite characters and how she wants to learn magic at Hogwarts too. Not that she hasn't been talking about it all throughout the meal, and it's been a mission to get Harry to stop interrupting.

Of course, no talking from either of them tonight. Harry's' eyes are barely open as they look through the window at the passing lights, and if they weren't nearly home Kate would bet her life savings on her falling asleep before they get there. Alexis, she thinks, has already dropped off.

"I'm okay. Just comfy." She's more than comfy. She's happy and content and feeling the pleasant fizzle of the champagne Castle had been absolutely insistent on at dinner. She could fall asleep, and just like her daughter, if it had been a longer journey she has no doubt that she will, at some point drift off. Castle lets out a low laugh, ruffling the hairs on the top of her head.

"Sure. If you're not asleep before your head hits the pillow I will eat my hat."


	27. Chapter 27

**Phewph, I'm slowly getting on top of things. I'm sorry it's been a while. Things are just major hectic and I'm having a hard time finding the energy for doing a long writing spree. But, here you go, anyway. I'll try and get a couple more chapters up before I go away on holiday!**

**And thank you for all the support, and the love and the reviews that you guys have given me. It means a lot that people enjoy this so much.**

* * *

><p>"Richard, darling!"<p>

He's not expecting it. He's not prepared for it, but here is his mother breezing in through the front door with her usual charm, bravado and eye-watering array of colourful. Alexis launches off the sofa and runs at her, arms tight around her hips. Martha crouches down so she can pick her granddaughter up and then saunters over to Castle, who, at the present moment, is sat at the dining room table fighting over homework with Harry. Well, she calls it homework. Castle likes to call it colouring in, but Harry just refuses to co-operate with the directions and seems want to colour in anything she can get her hands on, the actual sheet shoved aside in favour of Alexis' Disney princesses book.

"Hello, mother. I wasn't expecting you."

"Oh, couple of free hours. Thought I'd drop in, see how my favourite granddaughter is doing." She lowers Alexis to the ground, and the young girl runs back to the sofa and the television.

"Erm – about that…" he pulls his mother to the side, away from the table and Alexis and to the relative safety of his kitchen. Alexis watches them with big eyes over the back of the couch, whereas Harry is completely oblivious to the fact someone new has walked in.

Martha casts a worried glance at the little redhead, but the girl gives her a toothy grin and then drops out of sight again. "About what? Alexis?"

"About her being your favourite. It was fine when it was just Alexis, she was your only granddaughter…"

"Where are you taking this, Richard?"

"Well, a few years ago, before Meredith, I was in a bar. Aaaand I met someone. And it was only a one night thing, you know, but uh, well. Accidents happen and it turns out I have two daughters. So now you can have two favourite granddaughters."

"Two?"

"She's called Harry. Well, Harriet. But she hates Harriet, so we call her Harry. She's an amazing kid, and her and Alexis are perfect together. They complement each other. Harry brings Alexis out of her shell, and Alexis keeps Harry grounded. And her mom, she's _amazing_."

Martha stares at him with wide eyes, taking it all in. "When exactly were you going to tell me all of this, Richard?"

"I was going to organise something. Family dinner, you know. But you came in before I got the chance. You're not mad, are you?"

Martha laughs, high and clear, and he breathes a sigh of relief. "Oh, Richard, how can I be mad when the exact same thing happened to me?" she stands up on the balls of her feet to look at Harry, who's bent over a book and scribbling furiously. "She's a pretty little thing."

"Takes after her mother."

"Sounds like you're quite enamoured with her." Martha replies, with a knowing twinkle in her eye.

"Maybe I am. We're trying to make it work, and she's a very … complicated woman, but she's trying hard and I think we have a chance of it actually being something. She actually lives here, at least for the time being."

"You moved too fast with Meredith, dear. Don't do the same with this one. You'll scare her off."

"No, it's… I didn't ask her per se. Her apartment blew up, and we had a spare bedroom so I offered it to her. I don't think she's actually slept in it though. Maybe once, or twice. And Harry has her own room too."

"Her apartment blew up?"

"It's a long story. Not one worth explaining. Comes with the job, she says."

"Comes with the… what job does she have?!"

"She's a homicide detective," Castle grins, and Martha shakes her head at him, "isn't that just the coolest?"

"If you say so. Now, can I meet my new granddaughter, or do I have to wait for this so called dinner?"

* * *

><p>"Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi is my favourite Princess," Harry mutters, tongue stuck out between her teeth, the yellow pencil gripped vice like in her hands, "but everybody forgets about her because she's not a cartoon."<p>

"Well, what about your favourite cartoon princess?" Martha questions, picking up a red pencil and starting on Ariel's hair on the next page.

"Belle. She gave up her own freedom to save her Daddy, and then she fell in love with the Beast. Saw that it doesn't matter what's on the outside, it's the inside that counts."

"You're very smart for a five year old, you've been brought up well."

"Mommy says I'm too smart sometimes. And that I should talk less, and that some people don't want to listen to me talking about aliens and space and planets all the time. But Daddy doesn't mind. He joins in, and then we talk about what would happen if robots overtook the world."

"You're definitely a Daddy's girl, aren't you?"

"No. Mommy is the best. She's a hero. Daddy's cool, but he doesn't catch the bad guys. And he tries to make me do my homework." She squints at the book carefully, measuring up which bit to do next. "I hate doing homework."

"And Mommy doesn't make you do it?"

"She does it better. And she doesn't get angry when I don't want to do it. It's only colouring in America. I don't think she sees the point in it. I know where America is."

"But it would be only five minutes out of your day to just get a pencil, surely. You're colouring in right now, you could just do it."

Harry lifts her gaze to Martha, her expression fiery. "I have done it. And you're not my mommy, or my daddy. I don't know you."

"Well, you're my granddaughter. Maybe we could get to know each other, and then I can help you with your homework too."

"You can help me finish this. You can finish Ariel and I will finish Belle."

After the two have painstakingly finished the two drawings, Harry cuts Belle out of the book, folds her up as best as she can and hands her to Martha. "Thank you for helping."

"You're very welcome, Harriet."

"Harry."

"Your mother named you Harriet. That's your name, isn't it?"

"I don't like Harriet. I like Harry." She says it with such conviction that Martha is momentarily surprised, and she can't help smiling a little bit. Even though she firmly believes in calling people by their given names, there's something about the sheer stubbornness and determination of the five year old that warms her heart. "I'll ignore you if you call me Harriet."

"What if I've got a present for you?"

Harry falters, just for a second, but then shakes her head. "It's Harry. It's always going to be Harry."

Martha ruffles Harry's hair, much to the girls chagrin. "Good. Stick to your guns. It'll get you far."

"I can't stick to a gun." Harry replies, flicking through the book to find another princess. "Mommy says guns are bad and that I should never ever touch hers."

"Your mother is right. People shouldn't play with guns."

"She has to though. That's her job. She chases down the bad people, and she has to use it sometimes. She won't tell me when she uses it, but I can tell. She comes home sad." She stops at a picture of Aurora for a second, purses her lips, and then carries on flicking until she reaches Merida. And then, with a purposeful nod, she reaches for the orange.

* * *

><p>Kate walks in through the door and slumps against the it, head tipped back and eyes closed, weary with exhaustion and stress. All she wants to do is curl up on the sofa, and close her eyes and maybe sleep for an hour.<p>

"Mommy!" Harry is at her side straight away, hands grabbing at her arm.

"Hey, honey."

"Mommy, mommy, you've got to come meet someone." She's pulling her away from the door as she talks, dragging her towards the dining area to where Kate can see an older red head sat chatting animatedly to Alexis and Castle. "This is Gram."

Castle smiles at her, warm and affectionate, and she smiles back. "Kate, this is my mother. Mother, this is Kate. Harry's mom."

Martha kisses Kate's cheeks with a lot of elaboration and leaving the smell of an overpowering flowery perfume behind. "It's lovely to meet you, Katherine. I've heard a lot about you, considering I only found out about you today. And Harriet is an absolute charmer."

"She prefers Harry." She says, tucking a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear. "And it's nice to meet you too."

"We've had this discussion," Martha grins, throwing Harry a wink, "but as much as I would love to stay and chat, I must be away. Things to do, people to see!"

She's away again in as much flare and audacity as she entered, leaving Castle sagging against the kitchen counter. "I love my mother, but she's so very draining." Kate stands next to him, letting Castle draw her into his side. "Long day?"

"Yeah. It was only paperwork, but it just drags. On, and on. Glad to be home."


	28. Chapter 28

**It's short, I know, I'm sorry. It would be longer and probably better, but I have to be up for work in like 8 hours boo hoo and I really can't think of anywhere else to take this because the start of the next chapter really needs to be the beginning of its own chapter. So yeah. Tah-da. An update. Wow.**

**I know I've been horrible with updates recently and really I am so sorry I am so so so so sorry from the bottom of my heart. Things have just been hectic and busy and damn real life and holidays and work. It all sucks. I'm not saying things are going to get any better, but I'm going back to college as of this Friday, and with work, I'm losing about thirty hours of my week. So, please, please, pretty please bear with me. I'm trying my hardest.**

**I love you all so much, all of my readers, you mean the world to me.**

**(The song is called Toora Loora and is a lullaby originally from Ireland, and you can listen to it www youtube com/ watch?v=hSsKDw7xLMk here, if you want (replace the spaces with dots).**

* * *

><p>Kate wakes to somebody shaking her. Sometimes she really hates being a light sleeper, wants nothing more than to pull the covers over her head and ignore whoever it is that's trying to wake her up.<p>

"Mommy. Wake up. Mommy, please."

"'Arry." She grumbles, rolling over towards her daughter. "It's three in the morning, what is it?"

"Alexis is crying and Daddy won't wake up."

Even as Harry is talking Kate can hear the steady rumble that emanates from Castle's mouth with every rise and fall of his chest. He's a heavy sleeper, she knows that much. "Alright, I'm getting up. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay. She woke up me up."

Kate pushes herself into a sitting position and runs a hand through her unruly bed hair. "Okay. You go back to bed. Get back to sleep." Harry rubs her own hand over her eyes and nods before stumbling out of the room on slightly unsteady feet. "Goodnight, baby."

* * *

><p>Kate can see Alexis silhouetted in the light from the door, sat up in bed and clutching the covers around her. Her hair is a mess around her head, tangled and flyaway, her eyes wide and staring in shock around her. "Hey, sweetheart," Kate says quietly, careful not to spook her. She crosses the room and crouches next to the bed, engulfing both of Alexis' hands in one of hers, "you have a bad dream?"<p>

The girl nods quickly, shrinking towards Kate. "Big monster. Ate Daddy. Said he was going to eat me too."

"I won't let any big nasty monster eat you, Alexis. Nor Daddy. And if a monster tried to eat him, I think he would have more than a fight on his hands. Daddy's are tough old things."

"Daddy has a lightsaber under his pillow." Alexis giggles, shooting Kate a shy smile. "He could fight them."

"Seriously?" Kate laughs quietly. "But yes, he could fight any monster that comes for him. And he'll fight any monster that tries to eat you too."

"Have you ever fought a monster?"

"Sometimes."

"Were they going to eat Harry?"

"No. It's part of my job. But I wouldn't let Harry get hurt by anyone. And if anyone hurt you, or your father, then I would do everything in my power to stop them."

Kate stands up and sits behind Alexis, wrapping her arms around her and lifting her up onto her knee. Alexis's hand comes up to curl in the material of her shirt, a warm heavy weight against her chest. She's snuffly, tired and worn out, and Kate doesn't think that it will take long for her to slip back into slumber, but when she was Alexis' age and she was woken at night with nightmares her own mother would always stay in bed with her and sing her to sleep. It's been a long time since she's sung anyone to sleep, not since Harry was much younger. She prefers music to singing, and Uncle Kevin had bought her a musical carousel that Kate turns on every night before bedtime, and Harry turns it on whenever she needs to. And if not, Harry will come and get her.

"Toora, loora, loora. Toora, loora, li. Toora, loora, loora." She sings, low and quiet, rocking Alexis back and forth slowly. "Toora, loora, loora. Hush, now, don't you cry. Over in Killarney, many years ago, my mother sang this song to me in tones so sweet and low. Just a simple little ditty in her good old Irish way, and I'd give the world if she could sing that song to me this day. Toora, loora, loora. Toora, loora, li. Toora, loora, loora. Hush, now, don't you cry."

Alexis is a heavier weight in her arms, fast asleep, and Kate lifts her up in her arms like a cradle. Moving carefully, and slowly, she moves off the bed and then lowers Alexis back onto the vacated spot. She tugs the covers back up over her, smoothes her hair away from her forehead and then leans down to press a soft kiss to the crown of her head.

* * *

><p>"You sang my daughter a lullaby?"<p>

"What?" She hadn't been aware that Castle was even awake. He was in the same position he'd been in when she'd left, and she could swear she could hear him snoring as she came back downstairs.

"Baby monitor is on. Don't know why, I don't really need it any more, Alexis is old enough to come and get me if she needs me. But I just haven't turned any of it off." He tugs her up from the end of the bed until she's practically lying on top of him, curls his arms around her back and takes the entire weight of her. She could almost sleep like this. "But you sang her a lullaby."

"She had a nightmare. You'd have done the same for Harry."

"Yeah, but Harry is _actually_ mine. Alexis is just…"

"Alexis is a smart, beautiful young girl and just because she isn't my daughter biologically, it doesn't mean I'm not going to treat her as one. If she needs me, then I'm going to be there for her."

"Have I ever mentioned how amazing you are?" he combs her hair back with his fingers into a messy lump at the back of her head, and then pulls her down for a light kiss.

"Yes, on more than one occasion." Kate replies, propping her head up with her elbow and looking down at him in the darkness. "Alexis says you keep a lightsaber under your pillow."

"Well, not _under_ my pillow. It's under my bed. But same thing. I might need it in case of emergencies. But she's okay, right?"

"Yeah, she's fine. Fast asleep again."

"What was the lullaby you sang her? Was that the one your mother sang you? I didn't know you had Irish roots."

Kate shakes her head and rolls sideways, back onto her side of the bed. "I'm not. It was one Ryan told me when Harry was having trouble sleeping at night. Nothing else was working, and I sang her that and it worked miracles. I can't remember the one my mom used to sing me, it was years ago."

"It was… beautiful. I like it. Loved it, even. You've got a nice voice."

"You're just saying that." She buries her head under her pillow, visibly relaxes her body into the mattress. "Now can we go to sleep? Please?"

* * *

><p><strong>twitter: stanapoppins<strong>

**tumblr: knotbecks**


	29. Chapter 29

**This chapter is a shout out to all of the people who transcribe episodes, because it was too much effort to watch said episode and re-write the scene, so yay copy and paste.**

**So, about half of this scene, the dialogue is not mine at all. I can't remember who wrote said episode but, go thank whoever it is. I want to say Marlowe, but don't quote me on that.**

**(It's pretty obvious which episode it is I don't know why I'm being so secretive)**

* * *

><p>The call comes halfway through a game of very intense laser tag. It's a game of Becketts vs. Castles and when Becketts phone rings out loud above the shrieks (mainly Alexis's) he's lying prone behind the couch, waiting for the moment somebody (he hopes it's Kate, because he likes it when she's on top) inevitably leaps over the side and lands on top of him. It's worth the pain. But then she's calling time out, and though he's tempted to ignore it, and just shoot her where she stands, he stands up and follows her as she picks up the phone and holds it to her ear.<p>

Alexis and Harry are still running around trying to get each other, but at least they have the sense to be quiet. He can tell, just by the look on Kate's face that whatever this is, whoever is on the other end of the phone, it's important. She turns to look at him as she listens to whatever they're saying, and just her expression, the disbelief, the shock, and the fear, he wants to take her away from New York. Away from the city, and the murder and everything, and hide them all away in a tiny town in the middle of Montana.

Not that Kate would ever agree to that.

"Yeah – yeah, I can… in half an hour? Give me forty minutes? I've just got to finish something first." She nods, looks at Castle with desperate eyes. "Yeah, alone. I know. I'll be there."

She hangs up and takes a moment to stare at her phone, before setting it down carefully. "That was John Raglan. He was the lead investigator on my mom's case. He wants to meet me."

"Alone?"

"Yeah, I know, I know. It's suspicious, especially after Coonan… but Castle, this could be…"

"I don't like it." He interrupts, his eyes flashing. "At least let me come with you."

"And leave Harry and Alexis on their own? I don't think so." She picks her phone up and slides it into her pocket, starts to walk towards the bedroom and stripping off her vest as she goes. "I'll phone you."

"I can take them next door. They'll be fine."

"Castle-"

"I'm coming with you. No arguments." Kate likes she's ready to argue, he can see the fire in her eyes, but then she deflates in front of him.

"Alright, fine. But Castle, I am in charge. Anything could happen. If I say do something, then you do it. You got it?"

He gives her a cheesy salute. "Yes sir."

* * *

><p>The coffee shop is busier than she expected it to be, but she supposes, if Raglan wanted to divulge evidence about her mother's murder, then they're less likely to be overheard. She spots him, over by the window, nursing a ceramic mug in his old and weathered hands. He's not what Kate remembered, he looks beaten down and defeated, not the eager detective that she knew.<p>

He looks up and catches her eye, gives her a brief nod. A recognition. Nothing more. Not yet. Of course, she gets a bigger reaction when he notices Castle, his gaze hardens and his jaw stiffens. They slide into the booth, and Kate settles her arms on the Formica table.

"Lady, what part of no cops did you not understand?" He fumes, focusing on Castle.

"He's not a cop." Kate replies calmly, her cool and collected gaze matching Raglan's steely one.

"Well, who the hell is he then?"

"Someone I trust."

A waitress approaches them, percolator in hand and a painted smile on her face. "More coffee?"

Raglan holds his mug out and she refills it, and to Kate it feels so slow. She can feel the information at her fingertips, so close, but he's stalling. The nerve of the guy.

"Tell me what I don't know about my mother's murder." Kate says, too impatient to wait while he stares into his coffee.

But he doesn't answer her question. "Everybody drinks their coffee out of cardboard cups these days. Or those plastic travel mugs. But there's – there's something about ceramic that warms your hands…"

Castle wants to take the ceramic mug and throw it at the window, wants him to give Kate whatever it is she needs so they can both get out of there. He's anxious. Nervous and fidgety and his heart won't stop pounding. It's an ordinary diner. Nothing suspicious about it. But he can't shake the feeling that there's something bigger, something elusive that he can't quite see yet.

"It's weird, the things you notice." He looks up, finally, and he can see the fatigue, the bone weary way that he holds himself. "I just got the long face from the doc. Limphoma. Six months."

"Sorry to hear about that." Kate replies, though she doesn't seem at all apologetic.

"Every year," Raglan continues, "around the holidays they – they run that Christmas Carol on local TV. When I was a kid, I remember Jacob Marley scared the hell out of me. Forced to drag that – that _chain_ around in the next world."

Castle finds himself uttering the line involuntarily, so used to hearing it over and over during his childhood years. "I wear the chain I forged in life."

"I made it link by link," the detective finishes, his words heavy, just like this metaphorical chain. "I hid a lot of sins behind my badge, and now I gotta carry them. But your mother's case, that one weighs a ton."

Kate leans forward, her demeanour shifting ever so slightly towards anger and fury. "Why? Because you write it off as random gang violence when you knew it wasn't?"

"I did what I was told." Raglan sighs, as if that makes up for any of his dirty past. Kate's not buying it either, scoffs at his admission. "And I kept quiet because I was afraid. A few months ago there was a hostage standoff in your precinct. You killed a hitman, called Dick Coonan. It was a big deal in the papers. People noticed."

"Who hired Coonan to kill my mom?"

"You need some context here. This thing started about nineteen years ago, back before I ever knew who Joanna Beckett was. Nineteen years ago I… I made a bad mistake, and that started the dominoes falling. And one of them was your mom."

And then suddenly, without any warning, Raglan's ceramic mug, the one he'd cherished so much, shatters in front of them. All around them people scream, and Raglan slips sideways and all Castle can do is stop and stare but Beckett – it's not Kate. Not anymore. The moment that gunshot came she turned into a detective – is pushing him sideways and he lands on the floor, his hands landing in something sticky. Raglan is gawking at him, mouth opening and closing on silent words, but there's blood, _so much blood_, and he has no hope of stemming the flow that is coming from the retired cops neck. Beckett is yelling, telling everyone to get down and stay away from the window, and he turns momentarily to make sure that she's obeying her own orders. She's crouched by the table, using the top to steady her gun, aiming it at the building opposite though there's no hope of getting whoever it is. They'll have long gone. His chest constricts when he catches sight of her white jumper, spattered with blood, and he's sure, he's convinced that Raglan is not the only one bleeding out.

"You're hit." He gasps, reaching out and pulling her coat to the side.

"I'm fine. It's not my blood." She's got her radio in her hand. He wasn't even aware she had it with her, but then again, she'd hidden her gun too, for all he knows she might have a baton and a riot shield hidden in her pockets too. "One Lincoln Forty, I have shots fired on 4th and Main. I need backup and an ambulance." There's a reply from dispatch, scratchy and broken and he's not paying attention. Kate's okay. She's fine. She'd know if she'd been shot, and Raglan is the one that needs his attention right now. He tries. He does, but the flow of blood from his neck is too much. The damage is too extensive and he watches the light bleed out of Raglan's eyes, even as he kneels there completely helpless. "Castle?" He looks up and shakes his head. Kate lifts her radio again. Dispatch are still talking to her. "One Lincoln Forty. Please be advised, this is now a homicide."


	30. Chapter 30

**(Please note that there's some bad language in this chapter).**

* * *

><p>He can tell she's pissed. Just by the way she marches through his front door, heels stomping so hard on the ground that he's certain there's gonna be a wake of broken boards following her. They're lucky that neither Harry nor Alexis are around right now because he's sure that they would be bound to pick up on some of the bad language that is coming out of her mouth.<p>

"Too close, Castle. Too fucking close, I swear if I-"

"Kate-"

"Do not tell me you agree with him, Castle. Seriously, that is my mother's case. My _mother_-"

"That's exactly why he wants you off, Kate. That guy, Raglan, he was shot right in front of us for just disclosing information about it. He died, because of this. Imagine what they would do to you."

"Castle, that's exactly why I need to do this. If they don't – if someone doesn't bring them down then they're always going to be out their killing people who threaten them. Who else is going to do it?"

"Someone who doesn't have their whole life to throw away! Kate, these people, they're _big_. I mean, they hired somebody to kill your mother. And you killed him. Isn't that enough?"

"Oh, jeez, Castle. Seriously? What if somebody killed Alexis. Would you just stand by and let whoever it is get away with it?"

"Kate, that's not fair."

"Bullshit, Castle. It's completely fair. I am a homicide detective. It is my job to solve murders, and Raglan was killed right in front of us. There is his blood on my shirt. His blood on your hands. I am not going to sit around idly and wait for the NYPD to screw this up. Not again."

"Is there anything I can say that will stop you?"

"No. Don't even bother trying."

* * *

><p>"Daddy, why is Harry's mommy so grumpy?"<p>

Castle tries to make himself more comfortable on the rocking chair next to Alexis's bed. It's been there since the day she was born, and the cushion has long since gone flat. He needs to replace it. "She just had a bad day at work. You had a good day with Gram, didn't you?"

"We went to the art museum."

"And?"

"Me and Harry had a chocolate knickerbocker glory each. It was ginormous." She throws her arms up to show him the slightly exaggerated size of the ice cream.

"Was that the best part?"

Alexes grins slightly sheepishly, sinks further under the sheets. "Grams liked it though. She kept talking to this man in a suit. He was _old_."

"What about me, am I old?"

"Not as old as he was."

"Don't be cheeky." He leans over her bed and peppers the crown of her head with kisses. "Good night, sleep tight."

"Don't let the bed bugs bite." Alexis chimes in reply, and then pulls the covers up over her head, shrouding her in darkness. "You're not really old, daddy. Just a little bit old."

He leaves laughing, closing her bedroom door. He's immediately met by Harry, clad in her monkey pyjamas. She looks almost as small as Alexis, shrunk in on herself, arms wrapped tight around her rib cage. He knows Kate's not been the easiest to get along with tonight, she's been snappy and angry and un-cooperative and it's taken its toll on the kids. "Hey, monkey. You couldn't wait for me, huh?"

"Is mommy coming up?"

"Of course she is. She's just… having a few minutes to herself."

"What happened at work?"

"Somebody…"

"Died?"

"I – yeah."

"Somebody she knew?"

"Sort of. But she'll be okay. She'll come up and she'll say goodnight soon. I promise." He hooks his hands under Harry's arms and lifts her up onto his hip. "Come on. You can have dreams about giant knickerbocker glories you can swim in, yeah?"

Harry curls up in his arms, her breath minty against his neck. "Can I stay with you tomorrow?"

Truth is, he has meetings all of tomorrow and Gina tuts at him enough when he brings Alexis with him, he can't imagine what she's going to do when he comes in with his other daughter. But he can't say no to her. "Yeah, monkey, of course you can."

She doesn't quite want to let go of him when he tries to drop her on the bed, and it takes a good tickling for her to let go. She curls up in a ball almost immediately, body wrapped around a teddy bear like it's a life raft. He doesn't particularly want to leave her alone. "I love you, Daddy."

"Love you too, monkey."

* * *

><p>He comes downstairs and Kate's curled up on the couch, eyes unfocused and distant. He's proud to see that there's so signs of any files, no endless pouring over papers on the table, but at the same time he hates that there's no life. No spark. This whole thing is messed up.<p>

"I'm scared, Castle."

He sits next to her, throws her legs over his thighs. "Every time this comes up, every time I tell myself that I'll let it go. Not for my sake, for Harry's. And every time I get lost in it. I get… it's a balancing act. I want to find justice for my mom. I want the people to pay for what they did to her, to me, and to my dad. But I'm terrified of what that means for Harry. They have no qualms about killing in cold blood. They're ruthless and coldblooded and don't give a damn about shooting someone over their morning coffee. What if that's me next time? What if it's you? Hell, what if they shoot Harry or Alexis? How would I be able to live with myself then?"

"I don't know. But you told me you couldn't do it. You told me that I can't help you with this. This is yours to deal with, and yours alone. And personally, I don't agree with it. You know that. So I think you should drop it. Just completely. For the sake of our family, drop it."

"Dropping it completely won't stop them from coming after me. Just by investigating Raglan's murder is enough for them to kill me. They want me dead, Castle. That's all there is to it."

"Then don't investigate Raglan."

"What?"

"I know it goes against everything you stand for, Kate. I know the whole reason you do this job is to bring closure to people's families, but you've got to draw a line somewhere."

"I shouldn't be at the precinct. Even if we don't investigate Raglan they wouldn't take the chance. I've got holidays I could take, I suppose." She sighs and sits up, rakes a hand through her hair. "This is all messed up."

"We could just get out of New York."

"You thinking the Hamptons?"

"Yeah. It's practically the Easter holidays, it won't make much of a difference. Montgomery won't mind will he?"

"No, no, he'd understand. He'd probably be happy I wasn't running around the city in a crazed stupor. I'll ring him tomorrow."

"Okay, good. But in the meantime, Harry is upstairs waiting for you to say goodnight. You go do that, and I'll run you a bath, bubbles and everything."

Kate turns her head into Castle's neck, breathes in slowly, trying to calm her jittery nerves. "Can I have a side of Castle with that?"

Castle laughs, tucks her hair behind her ear. "Considering you asked so nicely, I will forsake my manliness and share a bubble bath. Do you want a glass of wine?"


	31. Chapter 31

**Hello, my old friend. Nice to see you again.**

**Probably my last update for anything until after Christmas. I might get something up tomorrow, but if not, I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas (or whatever holiday you choose to celebrate) and a wonderful New Year, and that 2014 is full of everything you ever wished for.**

**Lots of love to all of you.**

**KT**

**xo**

* * *

><p>He's used to nightmares. Alexis would crawl into his bed at odd hours, about three different cuddly toys cocooned in her arms, wrap herself around his arm and fall asleep again. Just like that. The nightmare no longer mattered, just as long as he was there. He's used to that. But he's caught completely unawares when it's Kate. She jerks awake with a harsh gasp, her arms flying out, palms out flat, catching him straight in the rib cage. He's confused and disorientated for the barest of moments, but think twists his head sideways to look at Kate.<p>

She looks like a deer caught in the headlights, like there's a storm brewing on the horizon, something big and devastating and uncontrollable and heading straight for her. Is she even breathing? She still has her hands pressed against him, an uncomfortable pressure against his lungs but he doesn't want to move for fear of startling her further.

"Kate?" he whispers, cautiously, waiting for a flicker of recognition in her eyes.

There's an intake of breath, quiet, but steady, and he risks turning on his side, her hands falling limply onto the mattress, any semblance of tension leeching into the sheets instead. Her eyes flicker up to his in the darkness of the hours before the dawn, holds his gaze for a moment, and then she's moving, graceful and flowing, arching against him until she can press her mouth against his. She uses his involuntary gasp to slip her tongue past the barrier of his lips.

"Kate." He murmurs, his hand rising to cup her cheek, fingertips brushing her hairline, thumb caressing her cheekbone.

"Make me forget." She whispers in return, hands slipping under the cotton of his shirt and dancing distracting patterns on the sensitive skin of his ribs. "Please, Castle."

* * *

><p>"I'm going to call in sick."<p>

"Really?"

"Yeah, I – if I'm not going to investigate this then I need to be away from it. I trust Ryan and Esposito with it."

The bedroom is slowly filling with light, bright and shining, and it's promising to be a nice day. Neither of them have slept since they first woke, neither of them particularly want to, prefer to watch the shadows be driven away by the sunrise.

"We could go to the Hamptons."

"Harry has-"

"It's just pre-k, Kate. She's not going to miss a few days. A week in the Hamptons, get away from the city and this case. Montgomery would understand, surely?"

Kate rolls onto her back, a forearm flung across her eyes. "Yeah, he would. And Harry and Alexis would love to go, I'm sure."

"But you're not?"

"I don't know. I don't – there's something… something I'm missing, and it's there right in front of my eyes and it's unsettling."

"About the case?"

"I don't know. Just… something."

"A week away, free from stress and work, and just us and the sea air and the beach will soon sort that out. We'll pack after breakfast and we'll be there for dinner. It'll be okay, Kate."

"Don't promise that, Castle. Please don't promise that everything will be fine because you don't know. You don't, none of us do, and-" She sits up suddenly, wiping away the sudden tears with an irritated sweep of her arm.

"Alright, okay … I'm – I'm sorry."

She sighs and lies back down, curls herself around him. "No, I am. I shouldn't have snapped." She takes a deep breath, exhales slowly. "Let's go to the Hamptons."

* * *

><p>"Can I take Rapunzel?"<p>

"You can take any toys you want, as long as they fit in the bag."

"What about-"

"As long as they fit in the bag." Castle reiterates, for what feels like the hundredth time. Alexis has two bags. One for clothes, the other for toys. And she's good at packing clothes, for the most part, gets everything in there apart from the occasional pair of socks. In regards to toys, if you can fit it in the bag, you can take it with you. The bag itself is fairly sizeable, and it gives her a fair few choices for stuff to take with her. But she will keep asking him. "Rapunzal, Tarzan, Milo. That giant flashy robot, even the Dalek."

"Gary doesn't like the Hamptons, Daddy." Castle looks at the offending Dalek, insulted that the alien does not appreciate his choice in holiday homes. "He says the sea makes him rusty."

Yeah, okay. He'll give him that one. Still, with a Dalek looking after the Loft for them, they should come home to everything being fine, despite Kate's worries. He hopes, anyway.

* * *

><p>"When I was five I learned to dive the day I went to sea!" Harry is singing, slightly louder than is necessary for the small confines of the car. "I jumped aboard a pirate ship and the captain said to me!"<p>

"We're going this way, that way, forward and backwards over the Irish sea!" Kate joins in from the front seat, and Castle is glad to hear the hint of laughter in her voice. She'd been distant for a few hours this morning, but Harry's giddiness and Alexis's innocence seems to have bought her out of whatever funk she was in.

"A bottle of rum to warm me tum, and that's the life for me." Castle finishes, making his voice deep and rumbly to earn a giggle from his youngest daughter.

"What is rum, Daddy?" Alexis asks him, once the peals of laughter have subsided into breathlessness.

"It's a kind of drink, pumpkin. For adults only."

"How old do you have to be to be an adult?" Harry asks, leaning forward against the seat belt.

"Eighteen."

"But he's five. He still has…" she counts it out on her fingers a couple of times, just to be sure, "thirteen more years before he's an adult."

"That's a pirate's life for you, Harry." Kate says, with a wry smile in Castle's direction. "And it's not one I'm planning on you having. No rum for you."

* * *

><p>"Castle?"<p>

"Yeah?"

"Whenever you reach the next exit, or junction, turn off."

"Why? Is everything okay?"

It's been quiet for the past half an hour. Harry has headphones in, her feet tapping along in time to whatever song (Disney, he thinks) she's listening to, and Alexis is asleep, her face slack against the side of her car seat.

"There's a black sedan, about five cars behind us."

"Kate-"

"Humour me, please." She sounds desperate, and scared, and her knuckles are white from where she's clenching her fist in her lap. "I know I'm probably being stupid, but they've been there since the city, and after everything…"

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. Can it be the one after? We can leave the main road completely, take the scenic road along the coast. It would be easier to see if they were following us."

"How quiet is it?"

"Quiet enough to notice, not quiet enough for them to run us off the road, if that's what you were thinking."

Her smile lets him know that he has her way of thinking down to a t.

"Is he there?" Castle means to take a quick glance behind him, but Kate shoots out a hand to stop him. "No, don't turn around, just look in the rear view mirror."

He does so, wishes with all his heart that the black sedan has stayed on the main road and Kate's paranoia (whether rational or not) is completely unfounded, and they're week will pass without a hiccup. But, with the quickening beat of his heart and the sinking of his stomach, he sees it about twenty metres behind them.

"Um…"

"It's there, isn't it?"

"It's probably not the same car. I mean there are a load of black sedans everywhere. And there are houses all along here. It's just someone going home. A complete coincidence."

Kate's expression lets him know that she doesn't believe him at all, and truth be told he doesn't hold much truth in his words either. The sedan is edging up on them, inch by inch, and he finds himself pressing the gas more and more firmly under his foot, letting the power in the engine increase the gap again. The coast road carries on for miles until it reaches the head of the peninsula and then curves back down the other side. There's not really any place to lose their tail, unless he can somehow make it back onto the highway and lose them there.

"There's a diner." Kate points out, eagerly. "Castle, pull in here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Park as close to the exit as you can. Just in case." Kate leans around, taps Harry on the knees to get her attention. "Come on, sweetheart. We're gonna get something to eat."

"Can I have a strawberry milkshake please, mommy?"

"You can have anything you want. Get your shoes on, double quick time."

Harry is considerably more excited about the diner than Alexis is. The young girl is only half awake in Kate's arms as they cross the parking lot, warm with sleep, her eyes flutters like butterfly wings on her neck. Castle has gone ahead with Harry to claim a table for the four of them. The car, as far as she is aware, has passed them by without even slowing down.


	32. Chapter 32

**Halfway through writing this I got an e-mail saying something on my UCAS application form had changed (for those not in the know, UCAS is the UK's way of applying to universities and colleges etc) and the one university that I was waiting to hear from had made their decision. And it was that one that was making the most nervous because Royal Holloway was the biggest one that I applied to, and I didn't hold much hope in getting in but they offered me a place THEY OFFERED ME A PLACE and I don't think I'm gonna get the grades to get in, but that's okay.**

**Like I never really had much faith in my writing, I knew I wasn't particularly amazing, but they actually WANT ME BASED ON MY CREATIVE PORTFOLIO. They think I can actually write?!/1!?1?1!?**

**I also watched World War Z and the need to write a Castle/Beckett zombie AU is rising. Not that I haven't started writing it of course nope.**

****Okok gushing proud moment over on with the show.****

* * *

><p>"Is mommy okay?"<p>

"Yeah, she's fine. She just needs a couple of minutes to herself. Why don't you go look at the desserts, pick out one that you like the look of, and I'll do the same for me and momma, okay? And by the time we're done Mommy will be back and you can give her a big cuddle."

Harry looks tentatively outside, to where Kate is leaning against the car. Her back is to them, she's staring out at the ocean, her hair getting tangled in the breeze. He wishes he could see her face, know what she's feeling, what she's planning on doing, but he knows that she needs a breather. Just to get her head on straight. She couldn't stop her hands from shaking throughout their meal, could only manage a plate of fries, and half a strawberry milkshake, which he eventually finished off. He gets what she means now. When she talks about that rabbit hole, how scared she is of falling back into it. He thought, maybe, she was just over exaggerating it, but after seeing her like this, scared almost witless by the sight of just one car… he's glad he stopped digging.

Alexis and Harry both shuffle from the booth and scramble towards the counter and the display of cheesecakes, and cakes and pastries, trying not to get their fingerprints all over the glass as they point out their favourites. Kate returns not half a minute later, slides into the space next to him.

"You feeling okay?"

"Yeah. I was just checking up with the boys. They find it hard to manage without me sometimes."

"Well, you are evidently the best detective in New York."

"Who gets spooked by a stupid car." Kate grumbles, reaching across to Harry's almost empty plate and stealing what was left of her chicken burger.

"That's understandable, Kate. Look at what's happened."

"Nothing's happened."

"You got the guy who killed her. That happened. That's bound to concern anybody who had a part in it. You're allowed to get scared. You're only human." She offers him a weak smile, chews thoughtfully on the left over bread. "You hungry? I can order you some food."

"I could murder a cheeseburger."

He signals the waitress over with a smile, orders Kate her wanted food, and tells her to add whatever puddings the two girls want on to the bill. The waitress, her name is Becky, he thinks, gives him a friendly nod and then crosses to the counter where the girls are. She crouches down, completely engrossed in them, and asks them what they want. Harry is vibrant in her choices, pointing at this and that and everything, simply can't make her mind up, whereas Alexis is more conservative, points at the chocolate cheesecake.

"What have you got planned for us this week, anyway?"

"Oh, movie nights, walks on the beach, you know. Might get out the barbecue if the weather lets us. You can't go wrong with home-made steak and chips."

"You gonna home-make the steak? You got a cow hiding away somewhere?"

Castle elbows her in the side, happy that she's still poking fun and he can draw a smile from her. By this time, Harry has finally made her dessert choice and the two girls have returned to the table. Harry immediately crawls over Castle's lap, much to Kate's stern glare, but when her daughter curls into her lap, a heavy and welcome anchor against the tinges of sadness in her mind, she's soon smiling again, burying her head in her hair, breathing in the smell of watermelon and, somehow, ketchup.

Alexis has returned to her plate mat and the crayons, attention completely on the under the sea scene that's almost half done. Harry has clearly gotten bored with her safari, and Kate, absent minded and trying to keep herself distracted, picks up the green crayon and finishing up the grassland that she'd left unfinished. At least for two minutes when the cheeseburger, and the two desserts arrived.

Castle stole a forkful of cheesecake from Alexis without much difficulty, but Harry is very defensive over her chocolate cake and Harry, much to Kate's amusement, almost growls when his fork ventures near her plate. Throughout the whole of the team she's eating the cake, it becomes a contest between the two, can he steal even the tiniest bit of the food without Harry noticing?

"You could just wait until I've finished my cheeseburger." Kate sighs, trying, and failing to hide her amusement as Harry turns her back on Castle, shielding the plate with her body. "She's not going to give up the cake."

"I don't want the cake. I just want to prove that I can do it."

"You're not. It's a futile attempt." Kate pops the last bit of bread into her mouth, chews it carefully, and then swallows. "There. Now you can go pick your own pudding."

"You not gonna pick with me?"

"Nah, I'll be fine with whatever you want. Take your pick."

"Alright," he presses a quick kiss to her cheek, which leaves her blushing, and heads to the counter.

He doesn't pick straight away, instead starts up a striking conversation with their waitress who seems almost flattered that a customer has taken the time and the space to actually get to know her. And Castle is smooth, and charming, and knows all the right ways to get the girl laughing, and smiling, and then she hands over a plate of tiramisu. He seems to have managed to get the biggest piece, the conniving smooth talker.

He returns like a conquering hero, looks smug and victorious, slides back into the seat and pushes the plate towards her, along with a spoon. She can't say she's really that hungry, the cheeseburger did enough to fill her up to an extent, but the dessert looks too delicious to pass up.

* * *

><p>It's the distant sound of squealing tyres that sets her teeth on edge. Alexis is talking to her about a fish as she straps her into the car seat, looking up at her with one of the most radiant smiles she's seen the little girls give her. Harry wanted to go and look at the ocean, and Castle is standing behind her, one arm wrapped around her waist as she stands on the low wall and points out to something that Kate can't see. She doesn't know why the sound fills her with so much dread, couldn't explain why it makes her stomach knot, but she fumbles with the straps and one ends up slipping out of her hand, the metal clipping digging hard into her wrist. She clips Alexis in finally, makes sure the girl is comfy, and then straightens up in time to see Castle and Harry cross the road. She wants to yell at them to hurry up, to move a little faster, to just get to the car. But once they get to the sidewalk again, Harry stops turns around and points at something else on the horizon. And then it appears, a black car, long and slim and gleaming, a good few blocks away.<p>

"Castle!" she calls to him, and he turns, his expression turning momentarily to concern when he senses the anxiety in her voice. "Castle, come on, let's go."

And then he sees it too, the car, travelling at quite a speed, now two blocks away and he turns to Harry. "Hey, kiddo, why don't we see who can get to the car first."

"But I want to look at the sea!"

"We're going to spend a whole week by the sea, Harry, you can look at it all you want then. Go on, I'll give you a head start."

Harry looks uncertain, looks like all she wants to do is argue, but Castle is pushing her forward and she sets off at a stumbling run towards her. The car is now mere metres away, Kate's eyes transfixed on the tinted glass, as the passenger window rolls down silently. And then it all comes clear. A moment of clarity. A moment of clarity followed by the glint of a barrel.

She can see this coming. She can see it coming and she's frozen.

Alexis is safe, she thinks, she hopes, securely in the car. Harry is still moving, completely unaware, but she's in the line of fire, she's right out in the _open_ and Kate can't _more_ just stand there and watch it all unfold.

She realises, at the last moment, it's not a sniper rifle, which is what she first thought. No, what the guy in the car is holding is a machine gun. Probably more deadly. How many rounds a minute? It probably doesn't matter. Doesn't matter at all because her daughter, her daughter, and Castle are both in the cross fire, they're both going to _die_.

And there's nothing she can do.


	33. Chapter 33

**Oh dear last chapter. It's been a long (long) journey, full of a lot of ups and downs, but we got there the end. Do not panic, or fear, there will be a sequel at some point. Maybe. Possibly. I'm kidding, there will be.**

**Thanks for sticking with me for this long, it means a lot.**

* * *

><p>Blood.<p>

That's what she remembers the most. Stark and red and vibrant on her hands. She's smearing it on the back of Alexis's coat as she holds the tiny girl close to her on the hospital bench. It's just them two. Just the two of them playing a seemingly never ending waiting game. How long have they been here now? Minutes, hours, days. It's all blending into one, time moving so fast, and then so slow, flashes of memory from the diner car park . Bullets. Alexis screaming. Castle running, trying to get to get to Harry, but he's too slow and it's all going to be in vain, it's all going to be in vain, and-

"Katherine!"

A familiar, soothing voice cuts through the fog, and Martha, brilliant, wonderful Martha appears looking as tired and as hazed as Kate feels.

"Martha, Martha, I - oh, god, I couldn't -"

Alexis is pulling away from her, running towards the one figure she really, truly knows in this sea of unknown, and Martha sweeps her up easily, cradling against her. "Shh, darling, shh, it's not your fault. You couldn't have seen any of this coming. They'll be okay, right? They'll both be fine."

"I don't know." Kate tries to say, but her voice catches, the words stick in her throat. "I don't know, it all happened so quickly."

"They're in good hands. They're in good hands."

* * *

><p>The first one they know about is Castle. They're allowed into the room to see him, even though he's groggy and barely awake from the anaesthesia, they're allowed in. "Bullet went in, ricocheted off his collar bone and straight back out again. No long term damage." the doctor tells her, and the relief comes, but it's only momentary.<p>

"My daughter - Harry - I - Harriet Beckett - she came in with us-"

"I'm sorry, I only know about Mr. Castle. As soon as someone knows anything they'll be sure to let you know."

She wants to argue with him, wants to yell at him and tell him to go and find out something about her daughter because she can't sit around and wait any longer, and she wants to explode, but then Martha lays a reassuring hand on her arm, and she deflates, steps backwards, and moves to Castle's bedside.

His eyes are open, he's alert, and when she takes his hand in hers he squeezes it reassuringly. "Alexis?" he croaks, his eyes roaming the room in search of his daughter. She's by Kate's side immediately, and she pulls her up onto her lap, and from there she crawls onto what space is left on her father's hospital bed. "Hey, pumpkin. You okay?"

Alexis nods quietly, and then proceeds to curl into the tightest ball she can, and fall asleep. Castle looks at Kate, so many questions in his eyes. "Harry?"

"I don't know." she whispers, her voice hoarse. "I don't know. They took her in to surgery a few hours ago but nobody will tell me anything."

"Am I okay?"

"Yeah, you're - you just got a nick of a collar bone. Straight forward, really. You're gonna be fine, if a bit in pain."

"What did they do to Harry?"

"I don't know, Castle. I don't know. There was just - there was so much blood, I couldn't see where it was coming from. She was just lying there, she wasn't moving at all, she just kept saying mommy, mommy, mommy until she didn't. And then there were people screaming in the diner, I think the bullets must have smashed through the glass, but I don't know if anybody inside was hurt. This is all my fault. It's all my fault, Castle, I'm so sorry-"

"Kate, shh, no. None of this is your fault. You didn't ask for any of this." His eyes flutter closed, and he breathes in, heavy, and then winces in pain.

"You should sleep."

"I'm okay."

"Castle, you were just shot. You need to rest. I'll wake you up if anything happens."

"Kate…"

She soothes one hand over his forehead, into his hair. "Sleep, Castle."

* * *

><p>"Kate." The whisper is gentle in her ear, but it's enough to wake her from the half slumber and she jerks awake to martha leaning next to her. "Kate, sweetheart. Harry's doctor is here."<p>

That's all it takes for her to be properly awake and she stands up, suddenly realising that she's still got Castle's hand in hers. "Is she - is my daughter…"

"The surgery went well. Children are remarkably resilient, in an adult, the injuries would have been harder to fix, but, all being well she should make a full recovery."

"Injuries?"

"She was hit two times. One nicked her heart, that was the one we were most concerned about, the other hit a rib and was lodged in it. We want to keep her in hospital, for monitoring, for at least a week, and then if she's improving we'll let her home. But it's going to be a rough recovery, there'll be physical therapy, and emotionally I don't know how she's going to cope with it."

"But she's alive? She's going to live?"

"We're optimistic." And he does sound it. He doesn't sound like he's giving her false hope.

"Can I see her?"

And it's then that his face falls. Always the bearer of bad news. "She hasn't woken up from the anaesthesia yet."

"But can I see her? Please, I have to see her."

"She's in recovery at the minute. As soon as she's back in the children's ward I will let you know."

"How long will that be?"

"Until she's come out from the anaesthetic. There's no saying how long it will take."

The doctor, to his credit, looks upset that he can't take her to her. He tells Kate that he'll come and get her when they can visit, that she should rest while she can. And then he's gone, promising her that if it's not him visiting then he'll send someone to take her to Harry's room. Kate sags into a chair, head in her hands, can no longer stop the tears from flowing freely. Martha wraps her arms around her, tight and snug, and so motherly and it just makes it hurt all the more.

* * *

><p>It's nearing midnight by the time she actually gets consent. Castle had woken up, briefly, just to hear the good news, but then the morphine and the stress and shock of the day had taken hold on him again and he'd drifted back into sleep again. Martha said she'd stay with Castle and Alexis, let her have her time with Harry. Her room is shrouded in darkness, the blinds pulled down fully blocking out whatever light from the moon there is. Over the quiet beep of the machines monitoring heart rates and pressure and all sorts else, Kate thinks that maybe she can hear the sound of the ocean. Harry would like that, she thinks. Will. Will like that. She's still alive.<p>

"Mommy?"

It takes all of two seconds for her to be across the room, crouched down by the side of the bed, taking the hand that isn't full of iv's and canula's in both of her own. "Hey, baby, how you doing?"

"Where am I?" Harry says, her voice barely coming out as something more than a whisper.

"You're in hospital, sweetheart, but you're okay. You're gonna be okay."

"Mommy?"

"Yeah, baby?" She murmurs, running a thumb over the backs of her knuckles.

"I'm… tired." She can't really see in the dark, can't see how pale and thin and sick her daughter looks. "I'm tired."

"Sleep, baby girl. You go to sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up." Kate presses the back of Harry's hand to her mouth, peppers the skin with kisses.

Harry is silent for a few moments, and Kate thinks that she's fallen asleep until she pipes up again. "Can I have ice cream?"

Kate laughs, but it comes out more of a sob, and she presses her forehead into the bed. "Oh, you can have all the ice cream you want. You can have anything you want."

"I want to go home."

"Not yet, baby. You've got to get better first, then you can come home."

"Am I sick?"

"You - you - were shot." The words jam in her throat. They make her want to throw up. Her little girl - her daughter - she's lying in a hospital bed after being-

"Shot?"

"With a gun. You know, like mommy has for work? There was a bad man at the diner, a very bad man who wanted to hurt us."

"Are you hurt, momma?"

"No, no, I'm okay. I'm… fine. Daddy's a bit hurt, but he's okay. He'll be fine."

"Where is he?"

"He's asleep, but he'll visit you as soon as he can. Alexis too, and Martha."

"Momma, can I go to sleep now?"

"Of course you can sweetheart." She stands up, smooths the slightly sweaty hair away from her forehead, and presses a kiss to the slightly too warm skin on her forehead. "I'll stay right here."

* * *

><p>She stays by her daughter's bedside for at least an hour before she feels herself drifting off. Coffee. She needs coffee. She knows there's a vending machine just past the nurse's station, and it would only take a couple of minutes. A couple of minutes and she's got a plastic cup full of cheap tasting coffee, but the caffeine is a welcome buzz in her veins. She's gone, maybe five minutes. She hasn't walked out of sight of Harry's room door. But when she gets back it's obvious someone has been in there. Someone who wasn't supposed to be there. Harry is awake, eyes wide and terrified, and the monitors are going crazy. There are nurses and one doctor crowding the room, trying to figure out what's going on but nobody has a clue.<p>

"There was a man. There was a man in my room."

"Were you dreaming sweetheart?" One of the nurses asks, and Kate knows she doesn't mean to sound patronising, but she does. "It's completely understandable."

Harry shakes her head. "There was a man."

"What kind of man?"

"The scary kind."

* * *

><p>They eventually calm Harry down, but she doesn't seem to want to settle back down to sleep. Or she just can't. It's impossible for her. She says that every time she closes her eyes she can see him, looming over her, big and threatening.<p>

"Mommy?"

"Yeah, Harry?"

"He said something. Scary man. He bent over me and he whispered it in my ear"

"He did? What?"

"Three strikes and you're out." The way she says it, so matter of factly, so without worry or concern, sets Kate's jaw. "What does that mean, Momma? Why is he talking about baseball?"

"I don't know sweetheart. I don't know."

Or at least, that's what she tells her. It's startlingly obvious what he means. Three strikes. Harry, Alexis, Castle. And after that, they're coming for her. She has no idea who they are, only knows that they're crazy powerful, they have crazy ass resources, and it is clear that gunning down a five year old does clearly not bother them at all.

"Harry, I want you to try and sleep. Can you do that for me?"

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go and talk to your Daddy, okay?"

"You'll come back though?" Harry looks up at her, and Kate hates herself a little bit because she knows that she's scared. She knows that what she needs right now is her mother, to be there, to protect her. Fat lot of good she's doing right now.

"Of course I will. Just try and sleep. The nurses and the doctors are all going to make sure there's no one else in your room."

"Okay, momma." Her eyes are closed before Kate has time to even stand 's tears in her eyes when she leaves, pulls the door to.

* * *

><p>Martha and Alexis are both fast asleep on the couch, completely out of it, but Castle's eyes are open in the dim light coming in from the corridor. "Kate."<p>

"Hey, Castle."

"Harry, is she?"

"Asleep. She's asleep. She's okay. They think she's going to be okay."

"Good… that's good."

"Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Morphine's good."

"That's … good. I'm glad."

"Kate?"

"I've got to go."

"What? What do you mean?"

"They - they want me, Castle. That's all they want. And they've shown that they'll do anything to try and get to me. If I stay - if I let myself be around you guys…"

"Kate, Kate, don't - don't please don't." He tries to sit up, but the pain in his arm has him grunting and he can't manage to move any further than grabbing hold of her arm. But she pries him off, albeit with a huge amount of regret.

"I have to. I have no choice."

"There's always a choice."

She laughs quietly, lets her hair fall forward across her face like a curtain. A shield. "That's Doctor Who."

"The Doctor is a wise guy."

"And he also runs away when he has to. I'm sorry, Castle. I am. I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to. But I can't risk it. You and Alexis and Harry, even Martha. You're all in trouble if I stay."

"You're leaving Harry?"

"I have to."

"What am I supposed to tell her."

"Tell her … I've gone on holiday. I needed a holiday."

"Are you going after them?"

"No. No, the moment I try and touch them is the moment you're all dead. I've just got to disappear. I don't know how long for. I don't even know where I'm going to go." she stands up, she needs to go, sooner or later someone is going to walk in, or wake up, and it'll make it all the more harder to leave. Castle grabs her arm again. "Castle-"

"I love you."

"Wh-what?"

"I - if you're going to go, if I'm not going to see you again-"

She silences him with her mouth, ignores the grunt of pain as she pushes him backwards against the bed. She needs this. Needs to remember this moment if it's the last one she'll get. And before he can retaliate, she's gone.

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><p><strong>twitter:<strong> ktkatics

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